


Little Bean

by soprano193



Series: Little Bean [1]
Category: Castle
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-03-09 00:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 85,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3229160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soprano193/pseuds/soprano193
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meeting AU. Kate Beckett is a young single mother, living in the same apartment complex as Castle.  He hears a baby screaming at all hours of the night, and goes to give the parents a piece of his mind, when he sees Kate, pacing with the baby in the hallway, her hair disheveled, and he offers to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Richard Castle ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, and covered his ears, finding the efforts futile, as he could still hear the screaming infant down the hall. He glanced at the clock, the red letters reading 12:37, and sighed, looking again down the hallway, suddenly thankful that Alexis slept like a log. He had been through this before, and he felt for the parents of that poor baby, but it didn’t mean that he wanted to listen to it cry all night long. That, and he was two chapters behind on his next novel, which wasn’t entirely strange, but he kind of wanted to avoid an extra-long ass-chewing, and actually spend time with his daughter tomorrow. And the landlord was no help, just dismissed his complaint with a wave of his hand, chastising him because “I can’t make the baby stop crying, what do you expect me to do?” 

The crying quieted to a whimper, and Rick grinned slightly and began typing again. But when the crying started again, this time, louder, he finally decided he’d had enough. He opened the door to his apartment, surprised to find that he didn’t have to look far to find the source of the noise. A young woman, just barely twenty, was pacing the hallway with her screaming baby, who was much younger than he had originally guessed. The woman’s chestnut locks were tangled, and her eyes had dark bags under them, much like most new parents. He could also see evidence of her makeup running, and he could feel his anger dissipate as he watched her pace with the baby, desperation in her voice as she tried to soothe it. “Oh, little bean, what did I do?” She spoke softly, swaying back and forth. When she turned, her hazel eyes met his, and she brought her hand to her head. “I’m so sorry. It’s just, when I get her anywhere close to her crib, she freaks out more, and she’s actually quieter out here, and I know it’s late I just really want to get her to sleep, and I have no clue what I am doing.” The words fell out of her mouth quickly, but quietly, so she wouldn’t further upset her daughter. 

Rick didn’t respond right away. He had come out here to yell at her, and now he just felt bad. “Uh, no worries. I’ve been there, it gets better as they get older.” He offered. He pointed toward his apartment, where Alexis was sleeping soundly. “Mine is five now. I promise, this will fly by.” 

The woman nodded. “Yes, the redhead. She’s a cutie.” The baby’s cries started to pick up again, and the woman sounded on the verge of tears. 

Rick stepped forward, against his better judgment. “You seem tense. What about her father, could he step in and help so you can sit down and cool off?” He suggested.  He just wanted the crying to stop.

She let out a silent chuckle and shook her head. “Nope. It’s just me.” She answered, slowly swaying her body back and forth, clutching the girl close to her chest. 

Rick sighed, and scratched the back of his head. “You know, they can sense when you’re tense, right?” He offered the knowledge to her, hoping that she had someone, anyone who could help her out. 

"Well, I’m screwed then. It’s just me." She rested her head against the baby’s, closing her eyes as she continued to rock. "Just me and Carrie Jo." 

Rick resisted the urge to touch the woman, he wanted to offer her some sort of comfort, but was afraid it would seem too weird. “Okay, so why don’t I take her for a bit.” The words fell out of his mouth before he could think about them, and he could see her retreating slowly, her eyes locked on his. “No! I mean, I’m sorry.” He took a breath before continuing, slowing his thoughts. “You can sit in my apartment, I really don’t want to leave Alexis alone. I’ll stay right outside the door, you can keep the door open and watch me if you want. But you need a minute, and I’m good with babies.” 

She glanced down at the crying infant in her arms, and back at him. “I couldn’t do that, I don’t even know you…”

"I’m Rick, I live across the hall, and I have a pretty amazing daughter named Alexis."  He summarized, holding his arms out tentatively for the ailing infant.

She flashed him a small smile. “Hi, Rick. I’m Kate, a student, and this is my incredibly loud daughter Carolyn.” She brushed her finger along the girl’s face softly, wiping the tears from her cheeks before passing her to Rick. “You’ll stand right outside the door. I may be exhausted, but I won’t hesitate to chase you down if I have to.” She assured him, and he didn’t doubt it for a second. He saw the fire that burned in her eyes, her inner mama bear sneaking out, and Rick was instantly drawn to her again, admiring the drive in her that he never saw in Meredith toward Alexis. 

He nestled the baby, supporting her head, and using his free hand to open his door. “I don’t doubt it for a second. Have some water, lay on the couch, just relax for a second. We’ll be fine.” He watched her enter his apartment and close the door behind her, and he continued to rock with little Carolyn, murmuring to her softly. She scrunched her eyes up, screaming just as loud, her hands balled in little fists. But Rick stayed calm, wiping away her tears. “Oh, little one,” he soothed, “you have got nothing on my Alexis. Have you heard about the tempers of redheads yet? Trust me, one day you will learn.” He chuckled quietly to himself, and marveled as she began to relax. “Why don’t you do this for your mama? She looks so tired little one, she needs to sleep too you know.” She had stopped screaming, quieting to a whimper, and he caught a glance for the first time at her chocolate brown eyes, beautiful and curious, exploring his face as he talked to her. “She’s got it rough, you know. Single mom, she’s young, but she loves you, little one. Trust me, I could see it in her eyes, she has so much love for you.” Her eyes had closed, and her arms were limp, and he breathed a sigh of relief because she was finally asleep. He turned back to his apartment, opening the door, and slowly walking in.

Kate wasn’t laying down, but she was leaning against a pillow on the couch, her eyes closed as she cried silently. She looked up when she heard footsteps, wiping her eyes and staring at him. “You got her to sleep?” She asked, incredulously.

"Yeah, I think she just tired herself out." He answered, feeling the warm body in his arms shift slightly. He watched her, his heart skipping a beat, and braced himself for her wail, but she just turned her head, letting out a content sigh. Rick looked back toward Kate, grinning at her. "She’s beautiful you know, just like her Mom." 

Kate blushed, and brushed hair out of her face. “Thanks. I think she’s pretty great.” She answered quietly.  He wanted to ask her why she had been crying, reassure her that everything was fine, but decided against it. They had just met, and he didn’t need to pry any more than he already had. She got up and walked over to him, gently lifting her daughter out of his arms. “Thank you, for helping, and for giving me a second to cool off.”  She whispered to him, stroking Carolyn’s hair softly and gazing at her sweetly sleeping baby. 

"Anytime." He answered back. She turned to leave, and he followed close behind, ready to open the door for her. "Can I ask something? How old is she?" He had tried to ignore the question, but he asked anyway, once again digging into her life, where he didn’t belong. But something about her had piqued his interest, and he felt like he couldn’t stop himself.

Kate turned her head slightly to whisper back to him. “Almost a month. Why?”

He touched her shoulder and she stopped, turning towards him. “You haven’t had a night off in almost a month?” She shook her head in response, afraid to speak out loud. “That’s insane, Kate. You need a night off. Without it, you’ll just grow to resent her. And you have absolutely no help? Your parents, some friends, anyone?”

She shook her head again. “Nope. My Mom is gone, my Dad may as well be gone, and my friends are young, would rather party than be up all night with a baby.” She answered softly. She looked down again at the sleeping baby in her arms. “But you’re wrong about one thing.” She looked back up at him, her eyes shining. “I’ll never resent my little bean.” She flashed a small smile in his direction again, and walked toward the door. “Goodnight, Rick. Thanks again.” With that, she left, Rick watching her from his door until she disappeared behind hers.

The next morning, Carrie was laying on her mat, looking at herself in the mirror above her head, and kicking her feet at the piano at the bottom of her mat. And Kate was cooing over her, laughing at the sounds she made each time she played a different note.  ”Great job, Carrie Jo!” She enthused, completely amazed at how high pitched her voice could get, how natural it seemed. She had always thought it would be embarrassing, but she found it so easy, and she didn’t care what other people thought. And she had never been a baby person, but her baby, her little bean, was the most important thing in the world to her, and the reason for her to fight for a better life.  She stroked Carrie’s hair and smiled down at her. “Whatchu doing baby girl?” Kate asked, and Carrie cooed back at her. Kate smiled at that. “Oh, you like talkin to your mama, huh?” 

As Carrie cooed again, she heard the rustling of papers being shoved under her door and feet scurrying away. She walked over to the door, and smiled at the gift she had received. It was covered in glitter, and had been colored all over with different color markers. She picked it up, and read the words printed on the top.  _Good for two free nights of babysitting! Must give at least two days’ notice, but other than that, there are no rules! Expiration date: never. To redeem, knock on the door of apartment 6B, and inquire within. From, the Castles._

She wanted to smack herself. She knew the handsome man looked familiar, but she had no clue that he was Richard Castle, the famous author. The author her mother had introduced her to. She knew he lived in her building, but had no idea he lived that close to her. She silently chastised herself for bothering him, knowing he is busy. She say back down next to her baby, still holding the certificate that he and his daughter had decorated for her.

It was while she looked at it that she realized that he was just like her. He was a single parent, with an incredible daughter, who loved doing the little things with her. Which, of course, included helping her glue glitter to every inch of this paper before sliding it under her door. He got her, more than anyone else, and he was trying to help her out. 

She lifted Carrie and hugged her close to her chest. “Come on, bean, we’re going to say ‘hello’ to our new friends, okay?” Carrie looked up at her and cooed, her brown eyes looking directly into Kate’s. She grabbed her keys off the counter and left her apartment, locking her door behind her, and marched across the hallway, knocking on the door of 6B. 

Rick answered quickly, his face breaking into a huge grin when he saw them both. “You two look so much better after a good night’s sleep.” He teased, moving aside and inviting them in. 

"Yeah, well we have you to thank for that." Kate answered, smiling back at him. She took a seat on the couch and shifted Carrie, laying her back against Kate’s chest she could inspect her surroundings. "She’s a lot more agreeable when she’s not screaming." Kate said, bouncing the infant slightly in her lap. 

Rick nodded in agreement, kneeling down in front of Kate and Carrie, playing with the baby’s feet. “Hey, little one! Remember me?” He cooed, and Carrie smiled. He grinned back at her, sticking out his tongue and making a silly face, and Kate felt her cheeks warm as she beamed, loving the way he interacted with her daughter. 

Kate almost didn’t see the redhead appear. She was quiet, her hair in braids, and her blue eyes watching the baby in Kate’s lap. Kate waved at her and smiled sweetly. “Hi! Thank you so much for my pretty picture!” 

The girl beamed. “Thanks! I like making art projects!” She moved a little closer, watching the baby closely. “What’s her name?” She asked quietly, eventually kneeling down next to her father, who was watching the exchange with amusement in his eyes. 

"Well, it depends." Kate started. "Her name is Carolyn. I call her Carrie, Carrie Jo, and little bean. And one day, when she gets older, I can yell at her and use her full name. Carolyn Johanna Beckett!" Kate attempted her best angry-mom voice as she barked out her daughter’s full name, and Alexis laughed at the effort. Kate rolled her eyes and looked at Rick. "I guess I need to work on that." 

He chuckled and nodded his head. “Yeah, but don’t worry, it comes naturally.” He patted his daughter’s head. “I actually have to go to a meeting with my publisher, did you need something?”

Kate shook her head. “Nope! We wanted to say thanks for the note, and say hi, and let you know that it goes both ways, seriously. My door is always open to you both.” She stood, nestling Carrie in the crook of her elbow, picking up the baby’s arm and making her wave. “Say ‘goodbye’ to Mr. Castle and Alexis, Carrie Jo!” Alexis liked that, waving back. Kate looked toward Rick again, their eyes locking. “See you soon?”

He nodded. “Of course. Enjoy your day, Kate.” She smiled brilliantly at him and left, leaving him to get ready for his meeting. She finally felt hopeful, because she suddenly didn’t feel so alone.


	2. Chapter 2

It was maybe a week after meeting Kate that he heard the screaming again. It woke him from his sleep, and he turned, glancing at his clock. 1:43 am. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and hauled himself up, prepared to give her the break she deserved, when he heard something new. Banging. Someone was pounding on her door so hard that the walls were shaking. "Katie!" He heard a male voice yell. "Katie, open up and let me in!" Rick ran at that point, worried she might be in trouble.   
Outside in the hallway, and older man stood at her door. He was fairly well dressed, but hunched over, leaning against the wall for support, and Rick could smell the alcohol on his breath from his door. Rick walked over to the man slowly, trying not to startle him so he wouldn't shout. When he got to Kate's door, the man waved him away. "This is private business, buddy, go back to bed." He slurred, banging again on the door. 

"That's just it, you are making a lot of noise, and obviously upsetting the tenants inside. Can I help you with something?" Rick answered, unsure of the situation, and unwilling to admit at the moment that he knew Kate.  

The man pulled himself from the door, standing upright but still unsteady. He pointed at the door. "This is between me and my daughter, so you can go."  
Rick remembered something that Kate had said, that her mother was gone and her father might as well have been gone, and he suddenly understood what she meant. "The thing is, it seems like your daughter doesn't want to talk to you."

The man blinked back at him, silent for a bit, before leaning in Rick's direction. "Who the hell are you anyway? Are you the boyfriend?" He leaned against the door again. "The father of the baby she has in there?"

Rick shook his head. "No, I'm neither, just a friend, and the neighbor from across the hall." He pointed to his apartment for emphasis. "Now, it's two in the morning, you've woken me up and probably the rest of the hall, and if you wake my daughter, there will be hell to pay. So how about you leave, and come back at a more appropriate hour, or when you've had less to drink, because you're obviously not welcome here."

The man stared at him for a bit before standing upright again, stumbling in Rick's general direction. "You, can't tell me to leave." He slurred, tapping his finger on Rick's nose.  
Rick ignored the unwanted contact and just took a step back. "You're right, I can't. But I can call the cops. You wouldn't want to get arrested." 

The man seemed to be thinking it over, and started backing up, turning to walk down the hallway. "Fine. But I'll be back." He banged on the door one more time, causing Carrie inside to wail even louder. "I'm coming back, Katie. We need to talk! You hear me? We need to talk!" He shouted through the door at the top of his lungs, and finally backed off, stumbling down the hallway. 

When Rick was sure he was gone, he knocked on the door softly, his heart falling when he heard her whimpers through the door. "Kate, he's gone. It's Rick." He waited for a couple of minutes, listening to her cry through the door, shushing and speaking to the baby. He knocked again. "Kate, I'm still here, as long as you need me. How can I help?" 

The door flew open then, and she launched herself on him, wrapping her arms around his neck and sobbing on his shoulder. He rubbed her back slowly, shushing her and whispering in her ear. "It's okay. You're okay. He's gone." She continued to cry, but pulled away, walking toward Carrie's room to get the wailing baby. Castle stayed in the hallway, unwilling to let his apartment door out of his sight, as the door was still unlocked and Alexis was fast asleep. And apparently, that night was the night for the drunk lunatics to come out from the woodwork. 

Kate came back, rocking Carrie gently, tears still streaming down her face, and when she got close, Rick pulled the baby from her arms. She tried to protest, but he refused. "Go sit on my couch, do what you need, I'll get her calm and come to you."

"No, I can't, I just want to get her back to sleep." She cried, rubbing at her own eyes.   
Rick shook his head. "Kate, that was scary. It was scary for me, and he wasn't directing any of that at me. You need to gather your thoughts." He wiped a tear from her cheek, and smiled warmly at her. "I've got Carrie, just go sit there so Alexis isn't alone. Please. I'm here to help." 

She looked into his eyes for a few seconds before nodding. "Okay." She conceded, kissing her daughter's head softly. "Thank you." She whispered to him, squeezing his shoulder as she left, disappearing behind his door.

She hated herself for crying like that in front of him. She had never allowed anyone to see her like that. But now, after hearing her Dad for the first time in months, obviously in the same state she had left him, she was feeling a bit emotional. She fought back her tears as she made her way into Rick's kitchen, getting herself some water and walking over to the sofa. She sat, leaning against the comfy pillows and closing her eyes as she leaned her head back, making herself calm down. She didn't know how much time has passed, but she heard Rick's slow footsteps making their way towards her, and she looked up to see her baby's head lolled to the side, her mouth hanging open. She smiled at the sight, thankful that Rick had been able to get her back to sleep after the whole ordeal. "Thank you." She whispered to him again, wondering if he knew exactly how much she was thanking him for, that it was more than just helping her get Carrie back to sleep.

Rick held up one of his fingers, and walked slowly down the hallway with the baby. He appeared a few seconds later, a victorious look on his face, a pack and play in his free hand. He set it up expertly, faster than Kate would have been able to, and set the sleeping Carrie down in it, pushing it slightly to the side, and then sitting on the couch opposite Kate. "I didn't think I still had that, but I figured it was worth a shot." He told her quietly. 

“You didn't have to. We can go." Kate started, standing, but he interrupted her. 

"Do you want to be alone right now?" He asked.

She didn't, the pounding on her door still echoed in her soul, the sound of her Dad yelling through the door still sent shivers down her spine, and the idea of her inconsolable daughter brought tears to her eyes. She bit them back and shook her head. "Nope. Not right now." 

Rick nodded, grabbing her hand. "Okay. Stay and chat for a bit. You don't have to leave now." She smiled at him shyly and sat again, leaning against the pillows. They were silent for a bit, listening to the soft breathing of the sleeping baby, before Rick spoke. "So, your Dad..." He trailed off, unsure how to finish the thought. 

Kate sighed, pulling herself forward and resting her head in her hands, her elbows on her knees. "I mean, we haven't known each other that long. Do you really want my whole sob story?" She asked him.  
He sat forward, his blue eyes never leaving her face. "If you want to tell me, you can. I won't think any less of you." He answered truthfully.

She hadn't really let someone in her life like this, not since she lost her Mom. It made her feel vulnerable, and she hated that. But Rick had already seen her at just about her lowest, more than a few times, and he always knew just how to help, or so she had learned in the last few days. "Um, okay. Well, last January I lost my Mom." She started, biting back the tears that still jumped to her eyes when she thought of that day. 

"Was she sick, or was it an accident?" Rick asked when she had been silent for a while, gently pushing the story along. 

Kate shook her head. "Neither. She was murdered. The police said it was just random gang violence, and to this day, her killer is still out there."

Rick sat back, his eyebrows raising as he took what she was saying in. "I can't imagine." He finally offered.

Kate shook her head.  “I never had either.  You know, you hear about people being killed in the news, on tv, in the shows we watch, but you never think it could happen to someone you know.” She gripped the glass of water in her hand while she talked like it was a tether, keeping her connected to reality.  “My Dad and I handled it different ways.  He tries to drink away her memory, and I honestly haven’t seen my father like himself in a long time.  I went for something more…” she trailed off, unsure of exactly how much she wanted to give up, “life affirming, I guess.  And now, I have Carrie.”  She looked over to the sleeping bundle in the corner, and felt the corners of her mouth turn upward.  “I of course told my Dad I was pregnant, and told him when she was born, but I also told him that he couldn’t be in her life unless he was sober.  He hasn’t made an effort to meet her yet, and today I emailed him a little reminder with pictures letting him know a month had passed, which I think is what started the whole shit show that just took place outside my door.”  She had wrestled with herself before she sent the email, but truthfully, she didn’t want to cut her father out of their lives.  Maybe, if he knew what he was missing, he would come around. 

Rick was silent while everything she had said sunk in.  “So, how are you planning on making this work? I mean, you’ve mentioned school before, and you have to go back to work eventually. And you obviously can’t lean on your father for support.”

“Well, I have a friend from high school whose parents run a daycare.  They’ve offered to help me out at a discount, which is really helpful.  I actually head back to work on Monday, and I start taking classes again next semester.” She had taken this semester off, knowing it would be more difficult with a newborn and no plans and very little support.  “The only reason I can afford this place is from the life insurance money. Ideally it would go toward school, but I can’t live at home, so…” She shrugged.  She was a fighter, and so was her daughter.  They would make it through this. 

Rick leaned forward again, catching her hand.  “Well, if you ever need help, if you need someone to take her last minute, I’m right across the hall.  I mean that.”

She smiled softly.  “Thanks.”  She glanced again toward her sleeping daughter.  “I really should get home.” She could see him start to protest, and held up her hand.  “I’m better now, I’ll be okay. It’s late, and I should get out of your hair.”  She walked over to the pack and play and slowly lifted Carrie, who curled up to the warmth of her mother’s chest.  Kate walked to the door, and turned just before she left.  “Do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow night? You and Alexis, so I can properly say thanks?”

Rick smiled back at her.  “We’d like that. Goodnight, Kate.” 

“Goodnight, Rick.”  She went through his doors, meeting his eyes one last time as she closed it quietly behind her. 

Wednesday night dinner became a normal thing for them, as that was Kate’s usual night off, and she found herself bonding with the writer and his daughter.  They started switching nights, one week she would cook and the next week he would return the favor, and it was a weekly ritual they had all grown to look forward to.  Carrie was five months old before Kate changed that arrangement, finally cashing in on a night of free babysitting, so she could go out for her twenty-first birthday. When Rick and Alexis knocked on her door that night, Alexis clutching onto her DVD copy of Beauty and the Beast, he was floored when she answered the door dressed in a simple green dress,that ended at her knees and hugged her curves in ways he had never seen before.  “Hi, Kate!” Alexis squealed, hugging her legs and running into the apartment.  “I brought a movie to watch with Carrie!” She waved it around in the air, and Rick didn’t think Kate could have really seen what it was if she tried. 

Kate smiled at the young girl.  “I’m sure she’ll love it.” She turned back to Rick, who was still in the door.  “Are you going to come in?”

He followed his daughter in, finding her kneeling in front of the swing, chattering excitedly at the baby who was nestled there.  Carrie smiled back at Alexis, squealing excitedly.  Kate and Rick watched the children interact with smiles on their faces, her leaning against his arm.  She turned to him suddenly.  “How do I look? Is it too much?”  She twirled slowly, looking up at him, her hazel eyes searching his face for an explanation. 

Rick grinned as he got to check her out, chuckling as she twirled.  “Great.  Seriously, you look fantastic.”  He had always known she was beautiful, he could see that every time he looked at her.  Her usual outfits were comfortable so she could play with children.  And her work uniform was too big for her, the shirt baggy, not revealing anything that was hidden underneath.  But he had never seen her dressed like this, her hair done, a small sexy dress, her back straight with confidence after receiving his compliment.  No, Kate Beckett was more than just pretty, she was hot. 

She beamed at him.  “Thanks!”  She grabbed her purse off the counter, pulling out a slip of paper and handing it to him. “This is where we are going, so if you need me you can reach me there.”  She glanced again toward the children in her living room. “I won’t stay out later than 11 if possible, I wouldn’t want Alexis to be up too late.”

Rick grabbed her wrist, stopping her from talking.  “Kate, it’s your birthday.  Alexis can sleep on the couch if she needs to.  Just have a good time.” 

She smiled.  “I will.”  If she was worried about leaving the baby behind, she didn’t let it show.  She reached up and hugged him tightly.  “Thank you so much, Rick.”

“Anytime.” He answered her.  He watched her walk over to Carrie, lift her, and shower her with kisses before putting her back in the swing and waving goodbye.  

Rick walked into the living room, admiring Kate’s own Disney movie collection. He gathered his excited little girl in his arms. “Alright, pumpkin. What do you say we put in that movie?”  And with that, his fun night began.  They watched three different movies, all with a plethora of musical numbers, which Alexis performed for him, and Carrie watched with glee.  She was definitely a music fan, flicking her attention between Alexis and the screen every time there was a song. Rick found it fascinating, and loved that her personality was showing from such a young age.  Eventually, he got Carrie to sleep, despite the concerts Alexis was putting on.  And by ten, Alexis was asleep on the couch, her head in his lap. 

Kate walked in a few minutes after eleven.  Rick waved at her from the couch, and moved slowly, trying not to jostle his daughter awake.  He met her in the kitchen.  “So, did you have fun?” He asked her, leaning against the island. 

She nodded.  “I did, thank you.”  She held out a bottle of wine.  “They didn’t even ask me for my ID when I bought this.  So disappointing.” She chuckled.  “Would you like a glass?”

Rick laughed at her softly.  “Sure.  Why not.”  She pulled some glasses from her cupboards, regular glasses, as she didn’t have any wine glasses, and she poured them each a glass.  Rick took a sip of his before speaking.  “So, I have to say, you don’t look to drunk for your twenty-first birthday.”

She grinned, and shook her head.  “I have a rule.  I don’t go out and get blackout drunk anymore.”

“Anymore?” He asked, his interest piquing. 

She rolled her eyes.  “Yeah, it was part of my whole life-affirming phase. I made some decisions that I’m not exactly proud of.” 

She quickly glanced toward Carrie’s room before meeting his eyes again, something that Rick noticed that he wished he hadn’t.  “Carrie?”

She scrunched up her face.  “Sort of.  I mean, I’m proud of everything I’ve done with her, how far we’ve come and everything, but, let’s just say that I didn’t want to get pregnant at nineteen.”

Rick nodded.  “I get that.  It must have been hard, especially with everything else you were going through.”  He took another sip of wine.  “You are doing a fantastic job, though.” 

Kate smiled.  “Thanks.” She played with her hands.  “Sometimes, though, I just wish I could give her a father.”  Rick stayed silent, letting her figure out what she wanted to say, having learned that she comes forward easier if he doesn’t pry where she doesn’t want him to.  She looked at him then, her sad hazel eyes meeting his. “I’m afraid for the day that she asks me why everyone else in her class has a Dad and she doesn’t.  I’m afraid that she’ll ask me who he is, and I won’t know what to say.  I’m afraid that she’ll miss something growing up without one present.” She stopped, taking another sip of her drink, and gripping the cup like a vice.  “I mean, as much as I can’t stand my dad now, at least growing up we got along.  I want that for her.  We are supposed to want better for our kids, and I just feel sometimes like we are getting off on the wrong foot.”

Castle stopped her there, his hand on hers, squeezing it gently. “You don’t think I want that? I have full custody of Alexis because Meredith didn’t want to fight for her, would rather have a career as a movie star than a career as a mother, even though I tried to tell her she could have both.” She smiled at her.  “I know it seems daunting right now, but it gets better.  It gets easier.  And that little girl will never resent you.”  He pulled her in for a hug then, kissing her forehead gently and squeezing her tight. “Over the years, she’ll find male role models to look up to, just like Alexis has found some female ones, my mother and you.”

Kate pulled away.  “Alexis looks up to me?” She asked, heat rushing to her cheeks. 

Rick nodded.  “Yeah, she does.  She loves you, Kate, and Carrie. She thinks Carrie is hysterical.”  He had found Alexis a few days ago, trying to curl her hair with her fingers so it would look more like Kate’s.  And she always asked questions about her, and looked forward to their Wednesday dinners more than anything, bouncing at the door a half an hour before they were supposed to leave. 

Kate smiled.  “Well, I love her too. She’s a sweet kid.  You’ve done a good job.”

He felt the corners of his mouth turning up as his chest puffed with pride.  “Thanks.” He looked toward her, still asleep on the couch.  “I should probably take her home now, get her into bed.” 

Kate squeezed him one last time before releasing him. “Okay. I have an earlier shift tomorrow, so I should head to bed anyway.” She told him as he went to the couch, lifting the five year old and holding her so her head rested on his shoulder.  Kate opened the door for him.  “Goodnight, Rick. Thanks again.”

Goodnight Kate.  Happy birthday.” He turned to look at her one last time, his eyes dancing with mirth. “You should dress like that more often.”

She smiled and shook her head, waving and closing the door behind him.  


	3. Chapter 3

Kate adjusted the nine month old on her hip while holding onto the pink gift bag in her hands. She could hear the shrieking coming from within, and knew that he party was well underway. 

Rick had moved about a month and a half ago, telling Kate that 6B was only temporary, and that he really hoped this would be his and Alexis' forever home. She hadn't thought she would be so heartbroken about it. After all, they had each other's numbers, and they could definitely see each other whenever they wanted to. She worried at first that they would slowly drift apart, until Rick called her late on Tuesday, asking where dinner would be the following night. Their ritual remained, which helped, but Kate missed having them right across the hall, hearing Alexis' excited chatter as she came home from school each day, their random Disney movie nights with the girls whenever the mood hit. 

Most of all, she missed the companionship of someone in her position, and someone who knew all of her baggage. He had surprised her in January. He hadn't asked her how she was on the second anniversary of her mother's death. He had just knocked on the door and taken Carrie, telling her he needed the baby to inspire him, reassuring her that it didn’t count as her second free night of babysitting, and telling her to do whatever it was she wanted for the day. She didn't know how he found out the date, she didn't remember mentioning it, but he freed her for the day, allowing her to purchase flowers and visit her Mom's grave without worrying about chasing around Carrie. That night, Carrie slept in the pack and play in his living room while Kate sat with him and told stories all night. She laughed, and she cried, but in the grand scheme of it all, she was just happy to have someone who would listen, and be her shoulder to cry on. 

After Kate knocked, and older woman with fiery hair answered the door. She looked Kate up and down, and tried to peer behind her to see if there was an older kid somewhere behind her.  Kate smiled sheepishly. "Hi, I'm Kate. If I remember correctly, it’s someone’s birthday today." 

As she said her name, she heard a high pitched squeal, and saw a flash of red as Alexis dashed forward and attacked her legs. "You made it!" Alexis smiled up at them, her blue eyes wide and her grin infectious. 

Kate smiled back down at her and stroked her hair. "Of course we came! We wouldn't miss it!" She held out the gift to her. "I don't know where you are keeping these, could you bring it in for me?"

Alexis grinned, grabbing the present and taking off. "Thank you, Kate!" She yelled over her shoulder. Kate laughed at the sight, as the older woman wrapped an arm around her back, leading her inside. 

"So, you are the wonderful Kate I have heard so much about from my son and granddaughter." She rubbed a thumb over Carrie's cheek. "And you must be Carolyn!" She looked back toward Kate, their eyes meeting, and Kate found herself wondering exactly how many of Rick's relatives shared his piercing blue eyes. "I'm Martha, grandmother of the birthday girl." 

Kate smiled, already a fan of the way Martha spoke, full of drama, and she sensed that her life would never be dull as long as Martha was in it. "It's great to finally meet you. Your son speaks highly of you." 

As if on cue, Rick appeared from around the corner, wrapping both Kate and Carrie in a giant hug. "I'm so glad you both could make it." He said before they broke apart. He took Carrie from Kate's arms, lifting her above his head and blowing raspberries on her stomach, resulting in a fit of giggles from her.

"Of course we came, we wouldn't have missed it." Kate responded, walking over to Carrie and rubbing her hand up and down her back. "Can you say 'hi' to Rick, little bean?" She didn't notice that she had wrapped her other arm around Rick’s back until she saw the hopeful look Martha was throwing their direction, at which she quickly pulled away.

"Hi!" Carrie spoke quickly, and flapped her arm. It was her newest trick, and Kate delighted in showing it off.

Rick grinned. "Hey, bean. I've missed you!" He kissed her cheek loudly, and she giggled. He hugged Carrie close to him and turned back to Kate. "Seriously, the two of you being here means a lot to Alexis. Meredith is MIA, unfortunately."

Kate's heart fell for the girl. Even though no one really expected Meredith to come, Alexis had really been looking forward to it. She had chattered Kate's ear off about it at the last Wednesday dinner. "I love Alexis. I couldn't wait. And Carrie helped pick out her gift, so we had to come." She offered in explanation.

Rick walked toward the living room with Carrie, setting her down. "You didn't have to get her anything." He said over his shoulder, beckoning to a spot on the couch for her to sit. It was the first time Kate really noticed that they weren't alone, that there were three other women sitting in the couch as well. Kate waved shyly at them. "Oh! I'm sorry, Kate, this is Nicole, Molly, and Theresa." He pointed down the line as he said their names. "That would be Paige, Sammy, and Monica's mothers. They are around here somewhere, I think they're on the scavenger hunt." Kate found herself eerily aware of how quiet it was for four young children being somewhere in the loft. He glanced around before heading toward the stairs. "I'm going to go check on them. But, Kate, make yourself at home. You know the drill." 

She smiled at him as he disappeared, sinking down in that empty spot on the couch and watching Carrie crawl around. She picked up one of Alexis' dolls and started to inspect it. "What do you have there, bean? Did you find a baby?" Carrie held it out to her, and Kate got down on the ground with her, taking the doll and cradling it to her, before handing it back to Carrie. "Can you rock the baby Carrie?" Carrie took the doll again and clutched it to herself, wrapping her arms around it's neck and wiggling. Kate laughed at the sight in front of her. 

"Katherine, can I ask you a question?" She heard Martha ask as she sat in an empty seat. She felt the corners of her mouth turn up at the use of her full name. No one had called her that in a while, and it sounded nice with a bit of dramatic flair. "Why do you call Carolyn 'bean?’"

Kate smiled thinking of the memory. "My first ultrasound, I was a little apprehensive, I guess. I hadn't fully accepted the fact that I was pregnant. But as soon as I heard her heartbeat and saw her, I fell in love with her." She stroked Carrie's curly brown hair, tighter curls than she'd ever had. "And she looked like a little bean in the picture. So that's what I called her until I chose her name."

"I like bean." Nicole spoke up. "I call Paige my little monkey, but bean is cute."

Kate smiled. "That is adorable!" She chuckled to herself. "My mom used to call me 'trouble', so I guess anything is better than that." The women all laughed in response. 

Martha pointed upstairs. "I called Richard that too. It's no wonder he's taken a fancy to you." Kate blushed at the comment, she'd be lying if she said she hadn't thought about it, but she definitely didn't think he saw her that way. She moved Carrie into her lap as Martha continued to question her. "So, Richard says you are going to school. What are you going for?"

Kate tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm studying criminal justice actually. I just switched majors last semester." 

"What got you interested in that?" Martha asked, leaning forward, anticipating the answer. It was the question Kate hated most, because it usually meant she'd have to talk about her mother. 

She shrugged. "I just watch a lot of crime shows, I guess. I thought it would be interesting." She lied easily, not about to tell a room full of strangers about the hardest thing she had ever experienced. 

Thankfully, Rick appeared, the four girls following him down the stairs. "All was fine, they are just scary good at being quiet." He announced, walking into the living room as the girls crowded around the arts and crafts. He sat on the ground next to Kate, who was watching Carrie pull herself up on the coffee table. He nudged his shoulder into hers. "This is not what I meant by 'make yourself at home.'" 

Kate laughed. "I have a baby, and she spends a lot of time on the floor. This is exactly what I do at home."

They stayed like this for a while, chatting on the floor while the kids did various activities. Rick moved eventually to do the pin the tail on the donkey game, as well as the piñata. It was shaped like a star, yellow, pink, and blue crepe paper radiating out from the center in bands. Carrie got a kick out of watching the kids hit it, squealing with delight every time the stick made contact with the piñata. 

After cake, chocolate cake of course, Alexis opened presents, and soon after that, everyone was leaving. Rick helped Alexis bring all her toys upstairs, and Kate say in the living room with Martha, a very sleepy baby sitting in her lap and fighting sleep. Kate watched him interact with his daughter, the way his face lit up when she talked, how he wrapped her up in his arms. It was definitely one of his most attractive qualities, that and his ability to tell a story. And his eyes, she couldn't get enough of his eyes. "You know, he fancies you." 

Martha's voice cut through her daydreaming, and she turned to look at the older woman. Kate shook her head. "You must have made a mistake. We're just friends."

Martha smiled. "No, you see, I know when my son is smitten. And I can see it when he looks at you. And I can see it when you look at him."

"Why me, though? I'm nothing special." Kate answered her back, hating the words as they came out of her mouth, but believing them. 

Martha leaned forward. "That's not how he describes you. He calls you extraordinary, strong, smart, beautiful, tough, and those are just a few of the words I've heard him use." She smiled sweetly at Kate. "Don't sell yourself short, darling. You'll miss out on a lot of you never think you're good enough." 

Kate let her words sink in, making a mental note to work on herself so that she could see that too. "Thanks, Martha." She smiled warmly at the older woman, going over her words again in her head as Rick came in the room and sat down. 

"Alexis loves the art set you got her." He said, stroking Carrie's hair softly.

Kate grinned. "Good, I'm glad. I had two other options, Carrie was the one who picked out the color." The sets contained pretty much everything you could imagine, and came in mostly pink, mostly blue, and mostly green. Carrie had grabbed on to the green one, so that's what Kate had bought. Kate looked at her wide-eyed daughter, her eyes watering from the effort to keep them open. "I need to get her home. She's exhausted." 

"Would you like help to your car?" Rick offered.

Kate nodded. "I'd love that, actually." She nudged the baby bag in his direction with her foot, and he picked it up and walked toward his door. 

As Kate followed him out, Martha gathered her into a hug. "It was great to finally meet you, Katherine." She stroked Carrie's hair and kissed the side of her head. "And you too, Carolyn."

Kate smiled warmly. "We were happy to meet you too." She addressed her daughter, who was studying the older woman, not quite sure what to make of her yet. "Can you say bye-bye to Martha, Carrie Jo?"

"No!" She wrinkled her face and began to scream.

Kate wiped her face with her thumbs. "My fault. She hates saying goodbye." She explained.

Martha laughed. "Well, we won't say goodbye then. Until we meet again!" She offered, raising her arms dramatically, making Kate laugh. 

"Of course. See you soon, I hope." Kate answered. She walked over to where Rick was waiting at the door, Carrie still screaming in her ear. "Look." Kate pointed to Rick. "Look who's over there waiting for us." Carrie calmed down as she saw him, forgetting the offending "bye-bye" remark, her face breaking into a huge grin. 

Rick walked with them down to her car, and waited while she strapped Carrie in. He kissed the baby softly on the cheek, telling her he'd see her soon, avoiding the word ‘goodbye’ to avoid another meltdown. He closed the door and reached for Kate, pulling her into a hug she wasn't expecting. She wrapped her arms around him, allowing him to pull her in tightly. "Thanks again for coming." He said to her, squeezing his arms around her middle. 

"Of course." She pulled away slightly, looking into his eyes. They were shining, and for the first time, she saw what Martha had described, all his feelings toward her shone in his eyes. He leaned forward slightly.  _He's going to kiss me. He's really going to kiss me_. She leaned forward too, ready to let him, but as soon as their lips were supposed to touch, she looked down and away, his kiss landing on her forehead. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, to see the disappointment in his eyes. But he was Richard Castle, billionaire writer, amazing father, and incredible friend, while she was just Kate. She squeezed his arm one last time before backing away, stealing a glance at his face, which she was surprised to see looked as normal as possible, and she wondered how hard it was for him to keep it straight. She opened her door. "See you Wednesday?" She thought it was silly asking, but with what had just transpired, she needed to make sure that they were still okay. 

He nodded and flashed her a small smile. "Wednesday it is. Your place this week." 

She turned her head to him one last time before she closed the door. "Make sure you give Alexis a giant hug for me, okay." He nodded and waved in response, walking up to the front door of his apartment complex. And she drove away, Martha's words echoing in her head, regretting the decision to look down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to have three chapters, but I really need a fourth... This story isn't done, and this chapter took me somewhere else, somewhere I didn't expect it to. I hope you all enjoy it!


	4. Chapter 4

_Hey Dad,_

_So, Carrie is nine months old now. She's pretty good at pulling herself up on furniture, and she likes to stand and just look at things. She loves taking in the world, Dad. She is really friendly with just about everyone, and just an all-around happy baby. And so smart. She likes to pretend to talk on the phone. She knows a lot of words now, way more than she is supposed to I hear, and she likes to sing along with music. It's really adorable._

_Sometimes, she makes a face, and she looks just like Mom, it can be eerie. It makes me wonder if she does that because I do it, and then I guess I don't blame you so much for pushing me away. But it makes me happy to see Mom in my daughter, because it means that I will always remember her._

_She plays this game. I ask her the most outlandish things, like "do you want a million dollars?" or "do you want to ride in a rocket to the moon?" and she always says "no!" I happen to think it's hilarious. Maybe she'll carry on the tradition and become the next Beckett family lawyer, because that line of work isn't quite for me._

_I'm still waitressing down at Remy's, and taking classes at NYU. I should graduate in the winter, and I'd love for you to be there. Of course, I'll tell you where and when. What kind of daughter would I be if I didn't?_

_I miss you, Dad. I miss our talks, your hugs, how you always supported me no matter what. I see my friend, Rick, interact with his daughter, and it reminds me of you. I know you would be such a great influence on Carrie. You've never responded to a single one of these e-mails, sometimes I wonder if you even open them. I hope you are doing well, and I really hope to see you soon._

_Love, Katie._

Kate attached a few pictures to the email, like she always did. Carrie grinning cheesily at the camera, a picture Rick had snapped of them together, Carrie sitting in Kate's lap while they watched The Little Mermaid, Carrie banging on her plastic drum, and a picture of Alexis reading Goodnight Moon to Carrie. She hit the send button on the email, and turned the computer off. 

She picked the baby up from where she was playing on the floor. "Come on, Carrie Jo, we are running late!" 

Carrie looked at her mother quizzically. "Go?" 

Kate nodded, grabbing Carrie's diaper bag and jacket. "Yep. We've got to go to see Rick and Alexis." 

Carrie grinned from ear to ear and wiggled in her mom's arms. "Rih!"

Kate laughed. "Okay, make sure you call him that, it will add to his ego." And maybe cheer him up. The last dinner had been awkward, neither of them really talking after their missed opportunity down by Kate’s car. She was hoping this one would be better. 

When she knocked on the door, Martha answered, inviting them in with flair and a twist of her arm. "Katherine and Carolyn, it's so great to see you both!" She enthused, wrapping them both in a hug. 

Kate pulled away first, a smile on her face. "It's great to see you too!" She walked into the loft, finding Alexis hard at work tossing a salad, and Rick bent over a saucepan. She waved. "Hi guys!" 

"Kate!" Alexis ran at her, almost knocking her over with the force of her hug. She looked up and smiled. "Hi, Carrie! Did you learn to walk yet?" 

Kate laughed. "She's still working on that one, but I'll let you know as soon as that happens." She pointed over at Rick, who had turned around to watch the exchange. "Hey, little bean, who's that?" 

Carrie threw her arms in the air. "Rih!" She shouted at the top of her lungs. 

His face broke into the biggest grin she had ever seen on him, and he walked forward to take her from her mom's arms. "That's right! Rick! I'm Rick!" He cooed at her, lifting her above his head and kissing her cheek. 

Kate laughed at them, her heart melting as he interacted with her daughter. "Yeah, that's her newest trick, she just learned it today. I thought you'd like it."

He grinned. "I do like it, so much." He wrapped his arm around Kate, engulfing her in a warm hug. "It's exactly what I needed to hear." He pulled away, placing Carrie on the floor so she could crawl around while Kate chased her. "I hope you don't mind that I invited my mother. You two really seemed to hit it off." 

"Of course I don't mind." She answered. She had the sinking suspicion that he had only invited Martha because things had been so weird with them, so that she could be a person to move the conversation along if there was a lull, someone to keep him comfortable. "So, what did you two do all day?" She asked, following Carrie into the living room.

Rick put plates out on the table as he talked. "Well, I had meetings with my publicist, and Black Pawn. Then, I picked Alexis up from school, we had a tea party, and then I started cooking dinner. You?"

Kate shrugged. "We played with blocks and she banged on her drum. While she napped, I studied, she woke up and I sent my monthly email to Dad, and then we came here." 

"Has he responded to anything yet?"

Kate shook her head. "Nope. But he hasn't shown up outside my door screaming again, so I'd say there's been some progress." 

"So you don't talk to your father at all?" Martha asked, standing by the island and pouring three glasses of wine.

Kate shook her head. "No. He's not in the right place to be a good influence on my daughter." She picked up Carrie, walking over to the table where dinner was being served. "I keep him updated, but I haven't talked to him in person since before Carrie was born."

"Well, then it's his loss." Martha supplied, handing one of the glasses to Kate. "You two are marvelous." 

Kate felt heat rising to her cheeks. "Thanks." She let the words sink in, trying hard to believe them, so she could start feeling better about herself, and see herself the way Rick and Alexis saw her. She turned toward Rick, grabbing his hand. "I wouldn't be anywhere without you though. Seriously." 

He shook his head. "No, this," he waved his hands in a circular motion around her and Carrie, "this is all you." 

She grinned. "Yeah, but you gave me some sanity, and I may have given up on myself without it. So, thanks." 

He smiled, taking Carrie from her lap and placing her on his, sharing his pasta with her. "Anytime, Kate. You still have that free night of babysitting, that can do wonders for your sanity, you know."

"Trust me, I'm aware, and I'm saving it for a night when I really need it." She took a bite of her pasta, and turned to the young redhead sitting across from her. "So, what did you do at school today?" 

Alexis grinned, happy to be acknowledged. "We painted pictures today! I painted one of my closest friends, and Daddy and Gram and you and Carrie!" Kate perked up hearing that, excited to have been included. "And we played duck duck goose! And seven up! Oh! And I read a book about a princess in a paper bag!" 

Rick chuckled. "A paper bag? That's brilliant! Then, she can color any type of dress she wants on it!" 

Alexis rolled her eyes, something Kate found all too familiar. "Dad, no! Her clothes got burned by a dragon, but she escaped the dragon, and her prince didn't want her anymore, but she didn't care. It had nothing to do with dresses." 

"I remember that book." Kate said to her. "It's very good. I think I have it in Carrie's library somewhere."

Alexis' eyes grew wide. "Carrie has a whole library?"

Kate laughed. "Well, not really. She has a bookshelf filled with lots and lots of books, because I want her to be a reader like I am one day." 

"I like to read!" Alexis announced.

Kate laughed. "That's very good! Reading makes you smarter, it helps you spell, and you can learn so much." She explained. 

"Are you a fan of any books in particular?" Rick asked, his eyebrows wiggling.

"All sorts. Nothing specific." Kate answered, trying her hardest not to give away that she was a fan in any part of her face. 

"Daddy writes books!" Alexis blurted out, earning a chuckle from Martha. 

Kate was laughing. "Does he? I thought his name sounded familiar." She didn't offer any more explanation than that, and could practically see Rick's chest puffing out with pride out of the corner of her eye. Her love of his books was something that was hard for her to talk about. Her mother had slid In a Hail of Bullets across the kitchen table over her thanksgiving break, telling her "you'll like this." Kate had fallen, and after her mother's death, found solace knowing that her mother had read the same words, maybe shared the same thoughts. She had taken her mother's copies and added them to her own personal library, taking them out when she needed to feel close to her.

"I do write books. I'm figuring out a new one now, some crime fighting, action and mystery series, maybe." Rick continued. 

Kate grinned slyly. "Well, whenever it comes out, let me know. I might check it out." She tried to act nonchalant, but looking at Martha, she had the sinking suspicion it wasn't working, at least not on her.

They finished dinner, Kate helping to clean with Martha while Rick watched the kids. Alexis was talking excitedly about laser tag, and jumping around, and Carrie was watching her with the biggest grin on her face. Kate laughed at them while she cleared the table. 

Martha placed her hand on the small of Kate's back. "You're doing a fine job with that little one over there." She nodded in Carrie's direction.

Kate blushed. "Thanks, I guess. She's pretty great, I haven't had time to screw her up yet."

Martha rolled her eyes. "Now, why would you go and say something like that?" Kate was silent as she moved to the sink, unsure of her answer. "I mean, is it because you're young? Because she doesn't have a father? Because you feel all alone? Katherine, I get it, I really do." 

Kate looked at her, surprise on her face. "You were a single mother?" She had always just assumed that Rick's father had died. She never pried when he didn't talk about him, just figured it was a situation similar to hers, hence why he was so compassionate.

"Yes, dear." Martha nodded, drying the dishes Kate was washing. "And I didn't know Richard's father either. I had no support, my parents didn't want anything to do with me, and I had to figure out the best way to raise him." She looked over towards her son, who was fully engaged with the two girls that were playing in his living room. "I've felt everything you're feeling, the doubt, the shame, the would haves and the should haves, the joy, the disappointment, I've felt it all. So here is advice that I wish I had gotten sooner." She reached for Kate's hand. "Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. Your mistakes aren't worse, and won't mess her up more, just because you are single and young." 

Kate felt her cheeks turning up, and leaned forward, wrapping the older woman in an embrace. "Thanks, Martha."

They pulled away. "Anytime, dear. Just remember this. You are the only thing that little girl has right now. She has nothing to compare you to. She thinks you're the best, and that's the only opinion that matters."

Kate nodded. "I'll keep that in mind." They finished cleaning in relative silence, and then Martha went to the piano and put on a show for them, singing songs from old Broadway shows, Alexis dancing around the living room. 

Before Kate knew it, Carrie's head was lolling against her as she fought to keep her eyes open. Kate stood, holding her close and reaching for the diaper bag. Rick grabbed it before she had the chance. "Can I help you to the car? I wanted to ask a favor."

"Sure." Kate answered, keeping a straight face despite her apprehension. The last time he had accompanied her to the car hadn’t gone like it should have. They left with little fanfare, trying not to upset the infant, Kate following Rick to her car. She snapped Carrie in while he put the bag in the front seat. She closed Carrie's door and looked at him, trying to ignore the awkward feeling in the pit of her stomach. "How can I help you?"

He ran his hand through his hair. "I have a promotion for my book coming up in three weeks. It's just for two days over a weekend, and my Mom is going to Chicago for something, I don't remember what. And Meredith is God knows where, and Alexis hates flying, so..."

"Rick." She interrupted him, he was rambling. "I can keep an eye on her, and you gave me enough time to make sure I have it off, so it really won't be a problem." She smiled at him. "I love that little girl, I would do anything for her."

He broke into his boyish grin. "Thanks. I'll get a copy of my key, and make sure the pack and play is set up for you."

"You want us to stay here? Alexis can take my bed, I can take the couch, it's no big deal." She spoke quickly, the words falling out of her mouth.

He hesitated. "I mean, if you want to do that you can, I just figured you might like to have an actual bed. If you'd rather stay at your place, that's okay too." 

She brushed some hair out of her face and looked down. Of course he was thinking of her, and her comfort. "I didn't really think of that. No, I'll stay there, it makes a little more sense." 

He grinned again. "Thanks." He pulled her in for a hug, and she hated how stiff their bodies had become against each other, both afraid to step over the line that she had drawn in the sand. 

"Anytime." She answered, pulling away. She walked over to her side of the car. "I'll see you later, Rick. Don't be a stranger." She flashed a small smile in his direction and got in the car, turning it on and driving away. 

Carrie was asleep by the time she got back to her place. She carefully removed her from the car, trying not to jostle her awake, because she knew she would not be easy to get back to sleep, and walked quickly through the cold air to get into her building. 

Kate almost didn't notice him when she bumped into him in the elevator. It wasn't until he said her childhood name in a quiet voice that she looked up. "Dad?" She spoke quietly, believing that it was a dream.

He nodded. "Yeah, it's me." He was dressed casually, jeans and a gray T-shirt, his brown leather jacket unzipped. His eyes looked haunted and distraught, but they were clear, and Kate breathed a sigh of relief. "I came to talk, if you'll let me."

She eyed him up and down, weary to let him in, but reluctant to turn him away. "How long have you been waiting?" She asked if they rode the elevator up.

"Two hours." He answered with a small smile and shrug of the shoulders. "I asked about you at Remy's, they told me it was your day off. So I came out here and sat outside your door."

She led him toward her apartment, feeling somewhat trapped. She couldn't send him home when he had waited all day, could she? She stopped outside of her apartment, sticking the key in the lock. Before opening the door, she turned toward her father, clutching Carrie closer to her chest. "I need to put her to bed first, then we'll talk. But don't touch anything, don't touch her, and don't say anything until I say it's okay. And if I want you to leave, then leave." Kate laid out her terms and easy words, whispering so she wouldn't wake her sleeping daughter.

He nodded. "I can do that." He knew she was stubborn, knew this would only work on her terms, and if that was what she needed to be comfortable, he was more than happy to give it to her. 

He stood awkwardly in the living room while she moved about, almost as if he was afraid to sit, and looked around, taking her living situation in. She ignored him, changing Carrie's wet diaper before laying her in her crib. She stayed in the comfort of her daughter's room for a while, trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say before she walked into her living room, closing Carrie's door behind her. 

She looked at her father now, angry and confused. "You've never once responded to any of my emails, what changed today?" 

"This." He held up a small round object. As he held it out to Kate, she realized it was a blue chip. On it there were words, ‘to thine own self be true,’ and a triangle. In the center of the triangle was a big number six. "Six months sober, Katie." He explained. "I got it at my meeting today, and that was when I told myself I'd come see you." 

Kate was proud of him, she really was. But she was upset too. Because for six months he had been sober. For six months he's had a clear head. But not once has he reached out to her. "Good." She finally said, handing it back to him. 

He took a step toward her. "Katie, I'm sorry." 

"I don't want to hear that." She interrupted, holding back the tears she knew would fall soon. "You weren't there when I needed you, Dad. I was all alone after Mom died. You didn't want me in the house because I looked like her, you took out your anger at the world on me, and it wasn't fair."

"I know, and I'm sorry." 

"No, don't say that! You're only saying that because you feel sorry for yourself, you don't realize what this did to me." She moved away from Carrie's door, worried she might wake, but still stayed as far away from her father as she could. "I couldn't go home, Dad. I had nowhere to turn. I thought that getting blackout drunk was the way to handle tragedies like this, and I did get drunk a few times, I'm not going to lie. And because I felt all alone, I sought comfort from people who only wanted one thing, and I let them use me. Am I proud of it? No, but at least they held me when I wanted to be held, they gave me the affection I craved.” She didn’t look at his face, she didn’t want to see the look on his face as she described what she had been put herself through. “And then, I found out I was pregnant." She glanced toward the door, hot tears finally bursting from her eyes. "And she's perfect, but I was all alone. I don't know who her father is, so I got no help from him, and no help from you, and I just felt stupid! Stupid for getting pregnant before I should have, for not using protection, for screwing up my life before it even began! And all I wanted was for someone who cared about me to tell me that I wasn't stupid, and that everyone makes mistakes, and that I will get through this, but I had no one, Dad. No one." Because nine months of telling herself she was stupid made it really hard to believe it when someone said otherwise. She sat on her couch now, crying into her hand. 

He sat next to her and hugged her. As much as she wanted to pull away, she didn't, because as angry as she was, she had really missed her Dad. She cried on his shoulder. "Katie, you are not stupid. Look at all you have done on your own. You are incredible, Katie, and I'm so sorry that I made you feel this way." He kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry that I was so cruel, sorry that I ever made you feel unwanted." 

"You know we can't get that time back." She said finally, pulling away from his shoulder. 

He nodded. "I know." He brushed hair behind her ear that had stuck to her face. "But I want to be in your life from here on out." He pointed toward the closed door. "Anytime I wanted to drink, I would think of that little girl. I knew I couldn't be in her life if I was drunk." He grinned at her. "But Katie, I'm a grandpa. That's exciting! And she is beautiful, just like her Mom, and just like her grandma, and I really want to be a part of your lives. If you'll let me, of course."

Six months was a long time. Somehow he made it through January without a drink, and that was amazing. He had really come a long way. But she was still nervous. It wasn't just her that she had to worry about anymore. "You can come by next Wednesday, during the day. I'll be here, you can play with her while I study. We'll see where it goes from there." She offered.

He nodded and flashed a small, nervous smile. "I'll be here at noon. 


	5. Chapter 5

Kate pulled up to Rick's apartment building with a screaming baby in the backseat. She parked her car and took a deep breath, her head in her hands, calming herself down. If Carrie sensed her tension, then she would never stop crying. Kate got out of the car, and unsnapped Carrie, lifting her and wiping her tears. "I know, tired girl. Come on, let's go see Rick and Alexis!" Kate spoke in a cheery voice, trying to lift her daughter's spirits. It may have worked, her cries quieting to a whimper, but Kate worried it wouldn't last.

Walking through the doors of the apartment complex proved Kate's theory to be fact. Carrie erupted again, her face turning red, and dark circles appearing under her eyes. Kate rocked her body slowly back and forth, shushing and whispering to her very upset daughter. "I know you're tired, bean."

"No." She cried back, burying her head in her mom's shoulder, her curls plastered to her face.

Kate stepped out of the elevator, bouncing in her steps slightly as she walked. "Bean, you have to cheer up, we get to spend a whole two days with Alexis! It will be fun!"

"Uh ay." Carrie whimpered, rubbing at her eyes.

"Okay." Kate repeated her, knocking on Rick's door. He answered with a smile, which slowly dropped as he saw the look on Carrie's face.

"What's wrong?" He asked, inviting them in.

Kate held Carrie out to him. "She's upset because I woke her up from her nap. Work your weird baby-magic and make her fall back asleep while I unload my car."

He took Carrie and rocked with her. "Why did you wake her up from her nap?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "I wanted to make sure that I got here in time to let you catch your flight. Your career is a tad bit more important that my daughter's nap." Carrie would fall back asleep, maybe go to sleep early, but Kate Beckett would not be the reason that Rick was late for any sort of promotion. "So, I'm going to grab my stuff, you stay here with her."  And with that, she left, running down to her car for trip number one. She gathered two bags and a piece of the dismantled high chair and carried them upstairs. She wasn't really surprised to see that Carrie's eyes were already drooping from being with Rick for the three minutes it took her to gather half of her stuff. She pointed at her daughter. "You're going to have to show me how you do that."

He flashed her his smug grin. "I'm the baby whisperer, what do you want me to say?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Shut up." She listened to him chuckle behind her as she ran down to get the rest of the dismantled high chair. When she entered the loft again, Carrie's eyes were closed, and she was curled against Rick's chest. Rick looked at her as he rocked, a smug grin stretching across his face again. "Show off." Kate muttered under her breath, moving toward the pack and play that was set up in his office. She set the blanket in there that Carrie slept on in her crib, and indicated that he should lay her down.

He shook his head and snuggled her closer, gently kissing her curls. He tip-toed and lowered her in, and they both left, shutting the door softly behind them. He turned to her, his blue eyes locking with hers. "I'm going to miss two things for the next two days. Snuggles with Alexis and snuggles with Carrie. I'm going to miss my girls."

Kate chuckled. "Since when did my daughter become your girl?" She teased.

"The first day she fell asleep in my arms, of course." He answered, the seriousness of his words etched into his face.

Kate smiled slightly at the memory, remembering how alone and stressed out she had been, how mortifying it was to have some stranger appear and take pity on her, and her fear when he offered to take her. She never told him that she didn't trust him at first, and stood directly on the other side of the door for a bit, listening to him talk to her baby. Now he was the only person she trusted with Carrie, other than the daycare she went to, but even then she preferred Rick. It was strange, because she felt like she saw the future when Carrie was nestled in his arms. She knew that Carrie was as much his girl as she was hers. "Hard to believe that was nine months ago." She looked around the alarmingly quiet loft. "Where is your other girl?"

He pointed to the floor above him. "Upstairs, drawing me a picture for my trip. She likes to send me off on book promotions with something so I won't forget her."

Kate smiled. "That is adorable."

Rick shrugged. "Yeah, I keep it at the table with me while I sign books. Gina doesn't like it, something about how it destroys the playboy image she is trying to create, but I can't seem to give the picture up."

Kate rolled her eyes and began unpacking some of her things. The playboy image was something that he seemed to have no trouble portraying. She hated it, mostly because it was not the person that he was in real life. She didn't understand the idea of being someone completely different in public than you were in person. She didn't understand how "ruggedly handsome doting father" didn't sell as many books as "ruggedly handsome playboy philanthropist". Truthfully, she found the first one way more attractive.

Kate heard the patter of Alexis' feet before she saw the redhead. She came barreling down the stairs, launching herself at her father. "I was afraid you left already!" She said to him as she clutched on to his neck, Rick rocking her back and forth.

He kissed her head softly. "I'd never leave without saying goodbye to you, pumpkin."

She smiled at him, holding out the picture. "It's a picture of you and me outside our house!" Kate found it interesting that Alexis had drawn herself with curly hair. She was holding hands with her father in front of a big brick building.

Kate moved to set up the high chair while they said their goodbyes, hearing her mother's voice in her head reminding her not to eavesdrop. She was almost done with it when she felt little arms around her. "Kate, is Carrie still sleeping?"

Kate wrapped her arms around the six-year-old in return. "Yes. She'll let us know when she is awake. How are you doing, Lex?"

She sighed, releasing Kate and looking down. "I'm sad my Dad is leaving."

Kate ran her fingers through her soft red hair, and looked the young girl directly in her bright blue eyes. "Yeah, that can be sad. But, I have some fun things for us to do, and he'll be home before you know it, okay?"

Alexis grinned nervously. "Okay." She looked over toward the office, where Carrie was sleeping. "I'm going to sit on the couch in the living room so I can hear if Carrie is awake."

Kate bit back a laugh. "Okay." She responded, rubbing the girl's arm as she ran off. She watched Alexis for a minute before she turned back to the high chair in front of her.

"You know, that's why I wanted you to stay with her." Rick's voice startled her, and she dropped her tools. Stood to face him as he talked. "You're just so comfortable with her, you know?"

She nodded. "You guys are like family. I love that little girl." She wanted to go further with that statement, but stopped herself.

"Well, she loves you." He answered quickly before flashing her his boyish grin. He pointed to all her stuff. "Moving in?"

She rolled her eyes. "Ha-ha, very funny."

"No, but seriously, you had to take two trips. How did you get it all into your car?"

"My dad helped." She answered with a shrug. "I stayed in the apartment with Carrie, he brought it all down."

"How's that going?" He asked, concern reflected in his blue eyes.

She shrugged again. "As good as it can be." She didn't trust him alone with Carrie yet, but he had provided her with some valuable study time while he kept the baby busy. "He wants to meet you. I think he might join us for dinner on the next Wednesday we're at my place." She glanced at the clock and her eyes grew wide. "Rick, you need to leave or you'll miss your flight!"

He jumped into action at that point, rushing to his suitcase that he had left by the table. "Right! Where would I be without you?" She shook her head and rolled her eyes at him. He ignored her, and called out to Alexis. "Goodbye, pumpkin. I love you! Make sure you behave for Kate."

"I will." She responded quietly, facing away from the office door so she wouldn't wake Carrie.  Kate found herself thinking that the six-year-old was showing remarkable restraint.

He rushed toward the door, grabbing Kate for a quick hug before he left. "Thanks again." He whispered.

She rubbed his back as he hugged her. "Anytime!" She wiggled free from his grasp and pushed him away. "Now go! Alexis, Carrie and I want our girl time, no boys allowed."

Now he rolled his eyes. "Great. I'm going now. Bye."

"Goodbye." She chuckled, closing the door behind him. She turned toward Alexis and held up her arms in triumph.  “He’s gone, party time!”

Alexis giggled at her, hopping up and dancing to music in her head.  She looked up suddenly.  “Kate, are we really going to have a party?”  The seriousness that was etched into her face almost made Kate laugh. 

“If we have a party, it will just be you, me, and bean, sound good?”

Alexis breathed a sigh of relief.  “Good.” Kate laughed at the responsible young girl.  “As long as it’s just us, that’s fine! What are we going to do?”  Alexis watched Kate intently while she finished setting up the high chair. 

“Well, for tonight, I need to make you two dinner when Carrie wakes up. After that, I have something special planned. And I brought some costumes of Carrie’s so you two can put on a wacky fashion show.” Alexis hopped up and down at that. “I thought we could take pictures and show them to your dad when he gets home.”

Alexis grinned.  “He’ll love it!”

Kate laughed.  “Oh, I hope so!” She finished the chair and stood in triumph.  “Good, that’s all set!” She grinned down at Alexis.  “Do you want to pick out a movie to watch until Carrie wakes up from her nap?”

“Yeah!” She jumped up and ran over to the case which housed all her movies.  She pulled out Lady and the Tramp, and handed it to Kate. 

“Good choice. This is one of my favorites.” Kate told her, putting the movie in the VCR player, happy to find it had already been rewound, and hit play.  After an hour without a peep from Carrie, Kate got up and opened the office door, and then walked back to sit on the couch. 

“Kate!” Alexis whispered, her eyes wide.  “You’re going to wake up Carrie!” 

Kate chuckled.  “I know, but I don’t want her to sleep much longer, or else she won’t want to go to sleep tonight.”

Alexis nodded. “Can I go in and wake her up?”

“No.” Kate shook her head.  “This way, she kind of hears the sounds we are making out here and wakes herself up.  I don’t want to startle her awake because then she just gets mad and yells.” Alexis looked disappointed, so Kate grabbed her and hugged her close.  “But, when she wakes up, she will be so excited to see you, and you guys can play all night tonight and all day tomorrow, I promise.”

The girl perked up at that.  “Okay!” They focused on the movie again, and it was about ten minutes later when Kate heard the little voice in the other room. 

“Mumma?” The confused voice asked. “Mumma!”

Kate tapped on Alexis’ shoulder.  “I’m being summoned. I’ll be right back.” She made her way into the office, where Carrie was standing at the bar of the pack and play. 

“Mumma!” She cheered as Kate got close, holding onto the bar and bouncing a bit where she stood. 

“Hello Carrie Jo! Did you have a nice nap?” Kate crooned to her, lifting her up and placing a kiss on her cheek.  Her daughter chattered to her as Kate changed her wet diaper and picked her up again, heading towards the living room.  “Someone has been very eager to see you, bean!” Alexis was bouncing on her knees on the couch, waiting to see Carrie.  Kate waved over at her, and spoke to her daughter.  “Can you say ‘hi’ to Alexis?”

Carrie grinned and waved. “Hi.”

Alexis’ blue eyes shone.  “She said ‘hi’ to me!” she squealed.

Kate laughed.  “It’s not the first time!”  She sat Carrie in a fold-up seat she had bought, strapped her in and faced her toward the television.  “I’m going to make dinner.  You can talk to her, but please don’t try to take her out of her seat.”  Kate explained, and Alexis nodded, rushing over to talk to her smallest friend. 

Kate laughed.  At home, she would just place Carrie in her swing while she cooked, it was nice for her to have someone to keep her occupied while she sat.  Kate moved around the kitchen somewhat awkwardly, finding where the pans and bowls were.  She pulled out a saucepan and boiled water, and found the boxes of mac and cheese exactly where Rick said she would find them.  It didn’t take long, and soon both girls were eating dinner with her. 

Well, Alexis was eating.  Carrie kept putting the noodles on her head one at a time. “What are you doing, crazy girl?” Kate asked her, playing up her confusion to get a giggle from the infant. 

Alexis was watching the exchange with laughter.  “Carrie, you’re silly!”  She looked at Kate.  “I love Carrie.”

Kate grinned.  “And Carrie loves you.” She faced her daughter again.  “Can you say, ‘Lexi, love you!’” Kate singsonged 

Carrie smiled. “Ee ooh!” She paroted quickly, and Alexis squealed with delight. 

Kate grinned. “That’s right, bean! Love you!”

“Ee ooh!”

Alexis fidgeted in her seat, and squealed again.  “She loves me, Kate! She loves me!” She stopped, contemplating for a minute before looking at Kate again.  “Do you love me?”

Kate felt her heart melting at the question. “Of course I love you, Alexis.” She answered warmly.

Alexis looked down.  “My Mom doesn’t.”

“That’s not true!” Kate answered quickly, grabbing the girl’s hand. 

The redhead nodded enthusiastically. “It is. She didn’t even come to my birthday.  You came to my birthday!”

“Your Mom was busy.  But I’m sure she was thinking about you all day.” Kate didn’t understand it.  She didn’t get how a woman could have a child and practically abandon her.  And yes, she knew Meredith loved Alexis, she knew she cared and she worried, but she also knew Meredith didn’t have the first clue about how to be an effective parent.  And how do you explain that to a six-year-old? “Didn’t she call you?” Alexis didn’t speak, just nodded in response.  “See, she was thinking about you!  I bet she tried her hardest to get away.”

Alexis shrugged.  “I guess.”

Kate grabbed her hand again.  “Honey, I have never met your Mom.  But I have met you.  And there is no way in the world that your Mom wouldn’t love you.”

Alexis looked up, a small smile on her face.  “Thanks.” She whispered.

Kate nodded.  “Anytime.”  They finished their meal without much chatter, and Alexis helped Kate clear the table. 

Kate stood in the kitchen, Carrie playing with a pan by her feet, and called Alexis over.  “How would you like to make cookies with me tonight?”

Alexis’ eyes grew as big as saucers.  “Really?” She asked, bouncing on her toes. 

Kate laughed.  “Yes, really.  I have my Mom’s super-secret recipe for the best chocolate chip cookies you’ve ever tasted, and I thought we would make them together.”

Alexis squealed some more and stomped her feet.  Kate laughed at her, and tasked her with finding all the kitchen tools they would need while she measured out specifics into bowls and small cups.  While Alexis raced around and Kate measured, Carrie patted her mother’s leg.  “Tur!”

Kate grinned.  “You want to stir, Carrie Jo?”

“Tur! Mumma tur!” Carrie babbled, pointing to the spoon that Alexis had laid on the counter. 

Kate turned to the redhead.  “Could you get a small bowl, fill it with a little bit of water, and give it to Carrie with a spoon, please?”

Alexis was happy to oblige, placing it all in front of Carrie, who stirred her water with enthusiasm.  There was a little more water in the bowl than Kate would have liked, but she ignored that thought, watching her little one soak herself with water. 

Alexis pulled a chair up to the island and stood on it, Kate standing behind her to make sure she wouldn’t fall.  “Okay, put the dry ingredients in first, then we’ll mix the wet ones in and make the dough nice and smooth.”  Alexis followed her instructions perfectly, a pro in the kitchen at such a young age. 

“Do you love my Dad?” The question startled Kate, as it had been quiet while Alexis concentrated on mixing the dough. 

“Um, that’s a little more complicated, I think.” Kate stammered.  “I mean, I care about your Dad a lot.  He is my best friend, and I trust him more than pretty much anyone.”

“But you don’t love him.” She completed. 

“No.” Kate started.  She was suddenly uncomfortable, not really sure how to answer this one.  It wasn’t cut and dry.  And she never thought that questions from a six-year-old would make her think so hard.  “Yes.” She corrected herself.  “I love your Dad like a friend.  I don’t know what I would do without him in my life.  Does that make sense?”

Alexis was quiet for a minute before she nodded.  “Okay.”  And just like that, she was quiet again.  But Kate’s thoughts were anything but quiet.  She knew she had feelings for Rick, she knew that the first time he called her beautiful.  She knew it each time he invited her into his home and life.  She knew it the only time he had babysat, how she loved twirling herself around to watch his reaction to her in that skin tight dress.  And she knew it when she watched him interact with his daughter or hers, the way his eyes lit up around them.  But she couldn’t bring herself to take that leap.  He was some brilliant millionaire with a heart of gold and the gift of storytelling, and she was just Kate, single mother of one with baggage that scared any decent human being away.  And God forbid they did take a leap and it crashed and burned, it wouldn’t just be the two of them that would have to heal from the fallout.  No, it was safer to just be friends, and to never fall in love with Richard Castle. 

They spaced the cookies out on the sheet, and Kate placed it in the oven, setting the timer and turning on the light so Alexis could watch them bake.  “What do we do now?” Alexis asked, looking up at her. 

“We wait.”


	6. Chapter 6

"Ready?" The voice at the top of the stairs called out.

"Almost!" Kate called back, adjusting the paper towel runway once again, and helping Carrie stand at the end of it. "Okay, we are ready!"

Alexis bounded down the stairs, wearing a black shirt and a long pink poodle skirt. She had put on white socks and some shiny black Mary Jane's. She had attempted to pull her hair back into a half ponytail, and Kate groaned internally because she knew that meant she would have to try and brush out the knots. Alexis squealed when she saw Carrie standing at the end of the runway. "She's an elephant!"

Kate laughed. "Yeah! Now strut your stuff, Lex!"

Alexis did just that, walking along the runway with as much sass as she could muster in her little body, and Kate snapped pictures of her along the way. This was round three, and Alexis had the model walk down. When she got to the end, she posed, and knelt down, flinging an arm around Carrie and grinning at the camera. Carrie was pulling on the elephant's trunk that was coming out of her forehead, trying to yank the hood off of her head. "Carrie, look at Mumma!" Kate tried to get her attention before she succeeded. Her hand stayed on the trunk, but she looked at Kate with her wide brown eyes and grinned, and Kate snapped the picture of both the girls quickly before Alexis started her retreat.

Kate glanced at the clock on the wall. "Alexis!" she called, and the girl spun on the stairs to look at her. "We have time for maybe two more outfits, then it's bath time, and then bed."

Alexis saluted. "Aye aye, captain!" She spun again, and raced up the stairs.

Kate chuckled at her, and turned back to Carrie, who had sat, and had succeeded in pulling off her hood, her wild curls sticking up from all the static electricity. Kate looked at the costumes she had laying out in front of her. She had picked them up for this purpose, knowing how much fun she used to have doing fashion shows, both as a kid and again as a teenager. "What next, Carrie Jo?" she asked the baby.

Carrie pointed to a black one. "Kitty."

"You already wore the kitty, honey. What about the buzzy bee?" Kate reasoned with her toddler.

"No! Kittykittykittykittykittykitty!" She leaned forward and reached for the costume.

Kate shook her head. She knew she could dress Carrie in whatever she wanted to, but also knew her stubborn daughter would pitch a fit if she was put in any other costume than the kitty. "Where did you even learn that word? We don't even own a cat." Kate mused aloud, astounded at the amount of words her daughter had picked up. The pediatrician said she was quite articulate for a ten-month-old, and though some words needed translating, she had quite a few under her belt. She had Carrie changed in record time, once again dressed as a black cat, and couldn't resist snapping a picture of her grinning face.

"Ready?" Kate heard Alexis call again.

She smiled. "Yep, we're ready!"

This time, Alexis was dressed in a brown pirate costume, complete with black boots and a sword. "Argh!" she yelled at the end of the runway, making the meanest face she could, which unfortunately wasn't really that mean, as her features just scrunched in an adorable manner. She pretended to limp down the runway. She held the sword out in front of her. "Walk the plank you scallywags!" She shouted, and Kate snapped some pictures. She put down her sword, and dropped the tough girl act momentarily. "Should I take some nice ones too?"

Kate shrugged. "That's completely up to you."

Alexis thought, and then bobbed her head up and down. "Yeah, I think I should." She glanced down at Carrie and laughed. "A kitty again, Carrie?"

Carrie smiled, hearing a word she recognized. She lifted her arms. "Kitty!"

Alexis grinned, and grabbed the infant's hands, gently pulling her to a standing position. Kate continued taking pictures along the way, and Alexis again threw her arm around Carrie, grinning at the camera. She let go, and started walking back up the runway, and toward the stairs. "One more, right?" she called over her shoulder.

Kate nodded. "Right. One more." Alexis bolted up the stairs again, and Kate reached for the pink fuzzy costume. "Okay, Carrie Jo. One more, okay?"

Carrie had already yanked the hood off her head again, and didn't protest when Kate pulled the zipper down her back. Kate changed her quickly, they were pros by now. The costume was adorable, and Kate's favorite of the night. It was pink and fuzzy, with curly pink hair, big white eyes, and yellow horns on the hood that covered Carrie's curls. The hood was like the mouth, with four little teeth lined up on Carrie's forehead. A yellow bow was nestled below her chin, and the feet were big and yellow. Kate worried Carrie might have trouble standing in it, as the feet were cushioned, and Carrie wasn't quite so steady on her feet yet.

"Kate?" She heard the voice at the top of the stairs again.

"Yes, we are ready for you." She called back.

"No! I mean, I'm ready but that wasn't what I was going to ask." Alexis yelled back.

Kate was quiet for a moment, but when Alexis didn't offer up her original question, Kate spoke. "What is it?"

"Do you have any costumes?"

Kate's mind flashed quickly to her Nebula 9 outfit that was hanging in her closet. It didn't matter that Alexis was young, she didn't need that information getting out anywhere, and somehow she knew that if Rick found out, he'd never let her live it down. "No, honey, they're all too small for me." She answered. She heard feet running away from the landing after she answered, and looked at Carrie. She shrugged. "What is that crazy girl doing?" She asked, Carrie smiling back at her. It wasn't long before she heard Alexis running back down the stairs. She was dressed in a blue and brown cowgirl outfit, complete with brown cowgirl boots, and a cow hide vest. She skipped the runway, and walked toward Kate, her hands behind her back.

"I brought you something!" She grinned, and revealed what she was hiding, a pair of fairy wings with elastics to wrap around her arms, and a plastic silver tiara with a big pink gem in the center of it. She held them out to Kate. "You need to walk the runway, Kate."

Kate couldn't help but grin at the girl, who felt the need to include her, no matter what. "Are you sure these wings will fit around my arms?" She asked, placing the tiara on her head.

Alexis bobbed her head up and down with enthusiasm. "Yeah! They fit my Dad!"

Kate stifled her laughter as she tried them on, imagining Rick in the pink and blue fairy wings, going on adventures with his daughter. Okay, it was actually kind of hot. Sure enough, they fit perfectly. She stood up and twirled slowly. "How do I look?" she asked with a smile.

Alexis bounced with excitement. "Perfect!" She pointed at the paper towel runway. "Strut your stuff, Kate!" She parroted Kate's words from earlier.

Kate stood, and handed the camera to Alexis. "You're the photographer, take pictures, okay?" She instructed, before scooping up Carrie who squealed with delight. She walked to the end of the runway, jutting out her hip, and putting on her model face, one she hadn't used in quite some time. She walked with attitude down the runway, bouncing Carrie along. Carrie laughed, and Kate couldn't hold her face that way for long, and laughed along with her daughter. At the end of the runway, she posed, holding Carrie on her hip with one hand and placing her other on her hip. Alexis snapped pictures from every angle possible as she jumped about, and Kate found herself wondering how many of those would actually be usable. She grinned and set Carrie down, holding her hand out for the camera. "Your turn. Show me what you got."

Alexis ran to the back and did her best to copy Kate. She swung her hips a bit more than previous walks, and Kate couldn't contain her giggles as she watched the girl try to mimic her. She posed at the end, her hands on her hips, and Kate snapped a few more pictures. "One more. Come here." She sat on the ground, putting Carrie in her lap, and had Alexis sit in front of them. "Squeeze in close!" She cried, turning the camera around on them. She snapped a picture that she hoped would show all of their faces.

"Can I see?" Alexis asked, reaching for the camera and turning it so she could see the screen. Kate hit a few buttons, pulling up the picture. It had actually come out nice, for once, as it usually took her a few tries. "Perfect!" Alexis cried, jumping up.

Katetuned the camera off before putting it down. "Okay. Bath time and then bed." Alexis nodded, and started running toward her father's room. "Hold on!" Kate called out to her before she got too far away. Alexis turned to look at her.

Kate pointed down. "First, can you help me pick up the runway? And then bring your costumes back upstairs?" She requested, taking off the wings and holding them out to the redhead.

"Oh yeah." Alexis took them from Kate, and picked the paper towels up off the floor.

Kate moved toward the kitchen. "Before you disappear, the cookies are cool! Do you want one."

Alexis looked at Kate in horror. "Kate, I can't have a cookie now! It's too close to bedtime!"

Kate had to hold back her laughter. Where in the world did this girl come from? "Just one cookie, Lex. It's okay!"

Alexis shook her head fervently. "No! I'll never go to sleep!"

Kate shrugged and popped one into her mouth. "Your loss." She teased, hoping to entice the girl.

Alexis sighed. "Not fair. I'll eat a bunch tomorrow, deal?"

Kate chuckled, but nodded at the girl anyway. "Deal. Now take that stuff upstairs, and I'll get the bath ready. Do you use the tub in Dad's bathroom down here?"

Alexis nodded. "Yeah. All my toys are down here." She ran up the stairs. "Be right back!" She yelled over her shoulder.

Kate laughed and picked up Carrie, heading to the master bath. "Let's go have a tubby, Bean." She murmured to the infant, who rubbed her eyes. Thank God she was getting tired.

When Kate turned on the light in the bathroom, she jumped when she saw a figure standing near the tub. "Holy shhhhhhh…" She didn't finish that, as she had no idea where Alexis was, and that was one thing she did not want the girl repeating. She realized, when her heart slowed down, that it was a life size statue of Boba Fett. "Why? Why would he have this? In his bathroom of all places. Silly." She laughed nervously, talking to Carrie. "Alright, Bean. Tubby time!"

Alexis appeared when Carrie was already in the tub with two towels in her hand. "Dad sometimes forgets to put towels away down here, so I brought some just in case." She put them on the closed toilet seat, and shed her clothes, hopping into the bubble bath along with Carrie. They splashed each other, and Alexis squirted Carrie (and Kate) with a plastic Flounder toy, yelling, "Don't be such a guppy," every time they squealed.

Kate washed Carrie's hair with patience, gently wiping away the water from her eyes with the corner of a dry towel. It was her daughter's least favorite part of the bath. She noticed that Alexis also watched Kate's hand with trepidation, shying away slightly when Kate moved it toward her. "Alexis, you have to get the soap out of your hair." She told the redhead firmly.

"I know. But, I'll do it myself. I don't want to get soap in my eyes." She crossed her arms and retreated to the corner of the tub.

"I won't get water in your eyes, I promise." Kate beckoned the girl closer. "I have a trick, my mom used to do it with me. Carrie is just a little too young."

Alexis eyed the older woman, somewhat intrigued, but still not moving any closer. "What's the trick?"

Kate smiled. "Just come here." Alexis moved slowly to the edge of the tub. "Now turn so your back is facing me." Alexis shook her head and crossed her arms, refusing to move. Kate sighed. "Alexis, I promise, I won't get any soap in your eyes. And if I do, I'll let you dump a whole cup of water on my head. Deal?"

At that, the girl flashed a wolfish grin. "Okay." She turned easily, her back facing Kate.

Kate put water in the cup. "Now, I want you to pretend you're a wolf, and howl at the moon. Can you do that?" She saw the head in front of her bob, and soon, Alexis tilted her head back, and howled at an imaginary moon. Kate seized the opportunity to dump the cup of water on the girl's head, directing the water back towards her with her hand. "Perfect! Do it again!"

Alexis howled again, and Kate rinsed out more soap, laughing the whole time at her own daughter's expression. Carrie's eyes were wide, and her mouth was in the perfet 'o' shape as she watched the older girl howl. She flickered back and forth between her mother and Alexis. "Oooooooooh." She parroted, and Alexis laughed.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Kate asked, dropping the cup back into the water.

Alexis turned around to face her. "That's it? I'm all done?"

Kate nodded. "Yep. All the soap is gone, and none got in your eyes. I told you, it's a really good trick!"

Alexis nodded enthusiastically. "Your Mom is a genius!" She grinned, and Kate smiled back at her. The girl wasn't wrong, her Mom had been pretty smart. Kate still looked up to her, even now that she was gone.

They didn't play in the tub much longer. Carrie was yawning, and Kate knew it was close to bedtime. She drained the water, instructing Alexis to get dressed. She then dried off Carrie, gave her a fresh diaper, and changed her into some warm Minnie Mouse pajamas. She then swayed with her in the dark office until she was almost asleep, and placed her gently in the pack and play. Carrie immediately rolled over and fell asleep.

Kate tiptoed out of the room and up the stairs to Alexis' room. The girl was arranging her stuffed animals on her bed, clutching on to a stuffed monkey. "Almost ready?" Kate asked her, picking up a comb and sitting on the bed.

Alexis shrugged and turned around. "I guess." She allowed Kate to comb the snarls from her hair. "Kate? Can we do this again sometime?"

"Of course we can, Pumpkin." Kate answered, easily picking up her father's pet name for her. "We'll pick a night, and you can come over to my house and have a girl's night. I'll talk to your Dad."

Alexis turned around and hugged Kate, wrapping her arms around the young woman's neck. "Thank you!"

Kate reciprocated the hug, patting Alexis' back. "Of course. I know he'll be okay with it." Kate stood, pulling back the covers, allowing Alexis to climb in. She hugged the stuffed monkey close, and Kate tucked the blankets around her. She leaned down and kissed the girl's head. "Goodnight, Alexis."

"Goodnight Kate. Love you."

Kate's heart swelled a bit at that. "Love you too." She left the door cracked, and headed back downstairs, relieved to hear that Carrie had not woken up. She was about to set herself up on the couch when the phone rang. She ran and picked it up, hoping it wouldn't wake her light sleeper. "Castle residence, Rick is unavailable, may I take a message?"

"Kate?" His voice came through on the other end, and she couldn't help but smile.

"Hey, Rick. How was your flight?"

"Long. I got rerouted."

"That sucks." She answered him, leaning against his counter.

"Yeah. Well, I just got in safe, and wanted to tell Alexis goodnight."

She inhaled sharply. "I just tucked her in. I could go give her the phone if you'd like?" she offered.

"No, no. Don't do that, let her sleep." She breathed out a sigh of relief. "You got her in bed this early?"

Kate grinned. "Yeah, they're both asleep. I was just about to set myself up on the couch, actually."

"Why?"

She paused before answering, unsure of what he was asking. "I mean, I know I said I'd watch her, Rick, but I kind of need to sleep too. Unless you want me to watch her sleep." She quipped at him.

"No, I mean, why the couch? I set up the pack and play in the office because it shares a door with my room. That way, you can get to her if you need to, and you can be comfortable in a really nice bed. And Kate, my bed is really,  _really_  nice."

She felt the blood creeping into her face, and thanked her lucky stars that he wasn't around to see. "Alright, fine. I'll take the bed." She slowly moved her stuff off the couch, slipping into his bedroom. "Oh, by the way, why the hell do you have a life size Boba Fett in your bathroom? I jumped so high I nearly dropped Carrie!" She heard him laughing on the other end of the phone. "Seriously, I thought there was an intruder, I was ready to bolt. You should warn a girl!"

"I'm sorry." He laughed. "I'll keep that in mind for next time."

She sunk down into his bed while he laughed. He wasn't lying, it was really nice. "Rick, what kind of favors did you have to do to get this bed from the Gods?" She teased as she stretched out on it. It must have had feather everything. It was like laying on a cloud.

He chuckled. "I told you, it was nice." She groaned in response and rolled onto her stomach. "So, did you ladies have fun today?"

Kate laughed. "We did. Alexis wants to do it again."

"I'm sure that can be arranged. She likes you, you know."

Kate smiled, remembering the quiet voice of the redhead as she left her room.  _Love you._  "I know. We put on a fashion show today, I can email you pictures tomorrow."

"Sounds like fun."

"It was." A devilish grin stretched across her face. "She let me wear your fairy wings."

"I don't know what she's talking about." He deadpanned, while Kate laughed at him through her nose.

"Oh, and how did you get such a responsible daughter? She was horrified when I suggested a party, and turned down a homemade chocolate chip cookie."

"Was it too close to bedtime?"

She laughed some more. "Yeah, actually, it was."

"She does that, and so far I haven't been able to entice her."

Kate yawned, stretching her arms above her. "Speaking of bedtime, I'm exhausted."

"I'll let you sleep. Goodnight, Kate. And thanks again."

She grinned. "Goodnight Rick. Stay safe."


	7. Chapter 7

Kate woke the next morning and cooked the girls chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, moving around the kitchen with a practiced ease after learning where everything was the night before. She then took them to Central Park, where Alexis rode the carousel for what seemed like hours while Kate and Carrie just waved at her. They had tried the carousel once, but Carrie screamed, not enjoying the ride one bit. Kate didn't want to deny Alexis her fun, so they had resorted to waving and cheering at her each time that she passed.

They continued to walk through the park, Alexis chattering about anything and everything. Kate learned that her favorite Disney princess was Aurora, and that she made up her own language known as 'Alexis-ish'. Alexis pointed at different things in the park and told Kate their made up word, and it was all Kate could do not to crack up at her. She hoped that Carrie would develop an imagination like hers, and longed for the days when she was as carefree as the redhead.

Back at the loft, Kate put Carrie down for a nap, while she and Alexis ate plenty of cookies and had a tea party, complete with all of Alexis' stuffed animals. Here, she met Monkey Bunky, Alexis' most treasured toy. Kate told her about her stuffed bear at home that she's had since she was young.

When Carrie woke, Kate cooked dinner, and they settled in to watch a movie, Aladdin. Alexis brandished a fake sword and fought along with the lawmakers in the beginning, which had Carrie in stitches. After the movie, they had a bath, where Alexis howled at the moon, a lot. After that, she read a few books to her sleepy daughter and put her down, and read some goodnight stories to Alexis, before crawling into bed herself. The last thing she remembered thinking was that she had a new appreciation for single parents with multiple kids, because she was exhausted. She didn't get the chance to think of anything else before sleep overtook her. 

She awoke to the sound of the front door closing. She thought she misheard it at first, and sat in Rick's bed, listening carefully, trying to clear the cobwebs from her mind. When she heard dishes rattling though, she became nervous, her heart beating fast and the hairs on her arms standing at attention. The phone was out there, with the intruder, and she had no way to call for help. She glanced around in the dark for something, anything that could be seen as a weapon. She almost praised the Gods when she found the red baseball bat leaning against the wall. Meanwhile, she could hear the rustling around out in Rick's living room. She formulated a plan, to knock out the intruder, call 911, grab her daughter, rouse Alexis, and escape, hitting the intruder again if she needed to. She opened the door slowly, so she wouldn't warn whoever it was that was out there. 

Her heart was beating loud. She knew it was impossible for anyone else to hear, but it sounded deafening in her head. The sound of clanking silverware and soft footsteps greeted her from the kitchen. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself before creeping forward, gripping the bat and holding it above her head. She mapped out the fastest trip, both to Carrie and Alexis, and crept around the corner. 

She didn't see anyone in the kitchen. She let out a breath, making sure to keep oxygen flowing to her brain, and slowly lowered the bat. Suddenly, she heard the bang of a pot, and a man popped up from behind the breakfast bar. She lunged forward. 

"Kate!" He flinched back, and she recognized him immediately. She dropped the bat.

"Rick! What the hell?" She fought to keep her voice down.

"It's my house!" He pointed out, and she felt somewhat foolish for flipping out. 

Only somewhat foolish. "I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow, I thought you were an intruder!" She seethed. For a minute she had been terrified that their lives were in danger.

He pointed to a clock on the wall behind him. "Technically it is tomorrow. Or, it's today? Today is tomorrow?" He looked past her, frustrated, and she stifled a chuckle as he figured out a more technical way to say that. She was still angry at him, and didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a smile. "It's after midnight." He said, finally deciding on the proper way to say what he was trying to express. 

She glanced at the clock and scoffed. "Rick, it's almost three in the morning! What are you doing here?"

"I'd like to point out again that I live here." She rolled her eyes at that and leaned the bat against a wall in the kitchen. He started to make himself a grilled cheese, and flicked his eyes between her and the pan. "Want one?"

"Sure." She sat at one of the stools at the island, watching him begin preparing another one. 

"Just cheese, or something else?" He asked without turning around. 

"Well, at home I make mine with a slice of ham and a tomato, but I'm fine with just cheese."

He moved to the fridge, pulling out a tomato and a bag of cold cuts, and back to the stove. "I got an early flight back, thought I would surprise Alexis in the morning with breakfast." 

She smiled. The young girl would be ecstatic. "That sounds nice. A phone call would have been nice though. 'Hey Kate, I'll be home around 3 am, don't be alarmed if you hear me walk in. See you soon!'" She teased him, leaning forward on her elbows and placing her head in her hands.

"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry I scared you, I'll keep it in mind for next time." He turned, his blue eyes meeting hers, a genuine smile on his face. 

"Next time? How do you know you didn't just ruin your chances?" She teased, a crooked grin on her face.

"Because, I know you girls had fun, and you wouldn't punish me like that."

She scoffed. "Oh yeah? How would I punish you then?" She asked with a laugh. 

He put his elbows on the other side of the breakfast bar, and mirrored her position. "Hmmmm, maybe you'd cook me something really bad for dinner on Wednesday."

She shook her head with a grin. "I have to eat that too." 

"True." He nodded slightly. "You could hide Carrie in her room when I came to visit, refuse to let me see her."

"Who am I supposed to be punishing, exactly?" She responded with a laugh. 

"I didn't think of that. That punishes Carrie and you." He mused, his eyes twinkling. "You could deny me some of those cookies you told me about."

She sat back in her seat, a laugh in her throat. "That's more like it. Those cookies are the best in the world, and I saved you some. I'll just give them all to Alexis!" 

He moved back to the grilled cheeses, flipping them. "Joke’s on you, she shares things with me."

Kate chuckled. "Not those cookies. I had to hide them to get her to stop eating them all. Strangely, she still wouldn't take one before bed." 

He put her sandwich in front of her and say on the stool next to her, his own in front of him. "Yeah, I don't know who taught her to be so responsible. I mean, you've met me, and her mother is way worse."

Kate laughed and took a bite of her sandwich. "She's pretty funny though." She thought back to the girl chattering away about her made up language earlier. "I did this thing with her in the bath, where I had her howl at the moon so the soap doesn't get in her eyes, and she really gets into it! I laughed so hard!"

"Howl at the moon? That's brilliant!" He smiled at her. "I am so going to keep doing that! How did you come up with it?"

She shrugged. "I remember my mom doing it to me. I don't know where she came up with it." She smiled to herself, remembering bath time at night with her mom, how Johanna never got angry when Kate splashed her, or the time she brought Kate goggles so that she could really see under the water. And the food coloring and the bubbles just made it all so much fun. All of these things and more were memories she wanted to recreate with her own daughter. 

"Well, then brilliance must just run in the Beckett family, because you Beckett women are smart!"

She laughed at him. "Thanks." She picked up their empty plates and brought them to the sink, washing all the dishes he had used. "So how was your trip?"

He came over and began drying what she washed. "Pretty good. I signed some books, met some fans, had a few drinks. Book tours are nice." He shrugged. "But I missed my daughter. I wanted to come home."

She glanced toward the office, where Carrie was thankfully still sound asleep. "I can't imagine two days away from my bean." She affirmed, the corners of her mouth turning slightly upward as she pictured the toddler. 

"It's not easy." He affirmed, putting the dry dishes away. "But it's a nice homecoming. They've always missed you too." He smiled at her, leaning against the counter. "You never sent me those fashion show pictures." 

She raised her eyebrows. "I didn't? The camera is in the living room, follow me." She walked over to the side table where it sat, untouched from the other night. She sat on the couch, and he sat next to her, both of them leaning in to see the tiny screen on her digital camera. Their heads were practically touching. 

He commented on every picture, and always had something to say about how adorable the girls were. He was right, they were pretty cute, each a total ham for the camera, and he had quite a few he actually wanted printed so he could have hard copies. When they got to the pictures Alexis had taken of Kate and Carrie, he laughed. "She needs some photography lessons!" They were blurry, and at odd angles because Kate was so tall. The last one though, it wasn't so bad. It was clear at least, and Kate had struck her model pose away the end of their runway, and Carrie was actually smiling. "This is a good one." He noted, squeezing her knee. 

"You think?"

"Definitely!" He enthused. "You look like a real model here instead of a fairy one! Sexy." 

She grinned, and turned her head to look at him, finding his eyes already studying her. They flicked from her eyes, to her mouth, and back to her eyes again. And before she could stop it his lips connected with hers. It was incredible, more than she would have thought, and as much as she wanted to kiss him all night, she pulled away. She looked at the ground, refusing to meet his eye, her cheeks red and her heart racing for the second time that night. "I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have done that." Came his reply, and now she was upset that he was blaming himself. 

She shook her head. "No, it's not you, it's me. And yes, I know that's cliché but it's true." 

"How so?" He inquired.

She still hadn't looked at him. "You deserve better."

He gently tilted her head towards him with his finger and searched her eyes. "How can you say that?"

She shook her head, trying to put words to what she was feeling inside. "Because, you have all this experience, and an established life, and a great career, a wonderful daughter and you're all set. I'm still getting on my feet, struggling, with an alcoholic father and no idea where I will be in the next six months. On top of that, I have baggage that I don't want to drag you or Alexis into." The words fell out of her mouth, all her doubts flying out of her brain and into the atmosphere around them, and she hated it. She hated watching his face fall as she said it, hated hearing it herself, but she really thought they were better off as friends. 

He took a deep breath in and out. "Kate, I know your baggage. And you're young, it's normal not to know what you want out of life right now."

"Another reason, the age difference. I mean, it doesn't bother me much, but what if our families don't approve?" She offered lamely, but even she had trouble with that excuse. 

"Come on, Kate! That's stupid, and you know it!"

She sighed. "I know." She took his hand in hers. "Look, you deserve someone who can be fully present in a relationship with you, and right now, I don't think I can do that. I'm not saying no forever, just no for right now. Is that okay?" Between her school, work, rebuilding a relationship with her father, training for the police force, working on her own self-esteem, and raising her daughter, she didn't have time for all of the trials a relationship could stir up. "I care about you, a lot. Seriously. You guys are like family, and I really don't want to screw this up by doing something stupid."

"You wouldn't." He responded, and she could hear the pain in his voice.

"You don't know that. And if this crashes and burns, it's not just us we have to worry about."

"I know that." He argued. "Which is all more motivation to make this work." He gestured between the two of them.

She grabbed his hand. "Or the motivation we need to wait for the right time. Give me time to work on me. It's not a never, I promise."

He sighed. "Fine, but you need to promise me something."

She nodded. She'd do anything for him, especially now that she was hurting him so. "What is it."

He looked her in the eye again. "No matter how weird things get between us, if we eventually do this and it crashes, I want you to make sure you never leave Alexis."

Her heart swelled at his request. "I wouldn't."

He shook his head. "No, I mean it. Her mother left her, and it kills her. I don't let a lot of adults in my life close to her, Kate. I don't want to see someone break her little heart again. If anything happens between us, you need to promise that you will put your feelings about me aside, and never leave my daughter."

She nodded, brushing loose hair behind her ear. "Okay. Can you do the same? Because if Carrie ever lost you, she'd be devastated."

He nodded. "Goes without saying." He squeezed her hand again, and she tried to ignore the pain in her heart. "Uh, you should get back to sleep. It's late." He suggested, releasing her hand.

She sighed. "Yeah. You too. Do you want your bed?"

He shook his head. "No, I'll take the guest room upstairs. Stay down here with your daughter." 

She desperately wanted things to be normal again. She hated this uncomfortable awkwardness that hung in the air around them. They stood together, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing herself against him until she felt him return the hug. She pulled away slowly. "Goodnight, Rick."

"Goodnight."


	8. Chapter 8

Rick wanted to skip the dinner this week.  Especially because this time, it was at Kate’s, and he couldn’t bring his Mom along as a buffer.  He was so tempted to pick up the phone and cancel, except for the fact that he knew his little girl would be heartbroken.  All she had talked about since Kate left them Sunday afternoon was seeing them again on Wednesday.  That, and he had made a promise to be there for Carrie, no matter how awkward their encounters became.  And as uncomfortable as it had become around Kate, Richard Castle never broke a promise.  Especially if that promise included adorable baby girls with gigantic, soul-piercing brown eyes.

So now he found himself outside of her door, shuffling his weight from one foot to the other as Alexis bounced up and down with more energy than he ever remembered having. He knocked on the door, listening to the clanging of pots on the other side.  “Do you mind getting the door?” he heard her ask.  Considering he had wanted to bring his own buffer, he didn’t blame her for inviting someone else, but was somewhat surprised when he was greeted at the door by her father.

“Who are you?” Came the small voice at his side, his daughter looking at the unknown man with confusion.

Her dad laughed.  “I’m Katie’s Dad.  You must be Alexis.  I’ve heard a lot about you.” He reached his hand out to her, and she shook it tentatively.

“It’s nice to see you again, Mr. Beckett.” Castle said, holding out a hand as Alexis slipped past him into the apartment. 

“Don’t call me that, it makes me feel old.  Please, call me Jim.” He shook Rick’s hand and moved out of the way, inviting Rick inside.  Carrie was sitting on the floor of the living room, and Alexis had made her way to the kitchen, offering to help Kate however she could.  

Rick turned back to Jim and smiled awkwardly.  “If I remember correctly, I threatened you.”

Jim chuckled at that, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly.  “I deserved it.” He shrugged and Rick relaxed.  “If I remember correctly, I may have shoved you or something? My memory is not that clear.” He offered.

“No shoving.  You sort of poked my nose, it was harmless, really.” Rick answered. He didn’t want Kate’s father to feel any worse about that night than he maybe already did.  Besides, that was ten months ago, and it really was no use holding grudges, especially with how hard he was working to change.

“It doesn’t matter.  I shouldn’t have done it, and I apologize.”

Rick flashed a reassuring smile at the older man.  “Apology accepted.” He walked into the living room, and picked up the infant.  “How is my favorite brown eyed baby girl?”

She tucked her head into his neck in response, her version of a hug.  Rick kissed her hair. “Hey, bean! I missed you!”  Kate had been lucky.  She spent a whole two days with his daughter and hers.  Rick had hoped that he would be able to spend time with them both on Sunday morning.  But as soon as Carrie had woken up, Kate had whisked them away, muttering something about studying for finals, hugging Alexis one final time before they left.  He guessed it had something to do with the kiss they shared, and in a way, he was happy she had left.  He hadn’t decided how he felt yet that morning, and really wanted to avoid the whole situation, but didn’t want to be a jerk and kick her out of his house.  But being unable to see bean sucked, and considering how much Alexis talked about her, he had really missed this baby. 

He walked with them into the kitchen, where Alexis was sitting with a trash barrel in front of her, husking corn.  She looked up at him and grinned.  “Hi Daddy! I’m helping Kate!”

He grinned at her, and patted her hair with his free hand.  “Good.  That is very thoughtful of you, pumpkin.”  He walked over to Kate, touching her shoulder lightly so she would turn, and wrapping her in a hug.  “How was studying?”

She shrugged as she pulled away from him.  “Oh, you know, same old.” She pinched her little one’s cheeks.  “Do you want to show Rick your newest trick?”

He clutched Carrie closer to him.  “You have a new trick?” He looked back at Kate, whose wide grin had stretched across her face.  “What’s her new trick?” He asked, practically jumping with the baby in his arms. 

She chuckled and rolled her eyes.  “Press play on the stereo.  Put her down and hold her hands.  She does this adorable bouncing dance thing, it’s probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.  But seriously, hold her hands because she is still unsteady on her feet.”

Now he rolled his eyes.  “Kate, remember, I’ve raised a child already, I know to hold her hands.”  She shook her head at him as he walked away.  He whispered to Carrie as they found the stereo.  “We have got to get you walking soon.  That way we can really drive your Mom nuts!”  She giggled at him in response.  He laughed louder than he wanted to when a Madonna song played, but put Carrie down anyway, holding her hands and watching her bounce.  Kate was right, it was adorable, from the actual ‘dancing’ to the giant smile on her face as she laughed.  “Alexis!  Come see this!”  He shouted, knowing that his daughter would appreciate the sight. 

Alexis came running, laughing when she got into the room. “Dad, she’s dancing!”  She yelled, jumping up and down, and eventually joining in.  The tree of them had their own private dance party in the living room until Kate called them for dinner. 

Rick reluctantly picked up the baby and handed her over to her mother.  “We are continuing that later.  But with better music.” He sat at the table, grabbing a helping of mashed potatoes and an ear of corn.  “Got any Aerosmith?”

She put Carrie in the high chair and sat in her own seat.  “Probably, somewhere.  I might need to dig it out.”

“Are you a classic rock fan, Rick?” Jim asked, serving himself dinner. 

Rick nodded as he filled Alexis’ plate.  “Yep.  Aerosmith, Rolling Stones, Queen, I like them all.”  He smiled at the older man who was observing him, almost as if this was some sort of test.  “What about you, Jim, do you like classic rock?”

The older man shrugged.  “It’s alright.  I’m a jazz fan myself.  Coltrane.”

Rick nodded, taking a bite of the turkey.  “I listen to some jazz.  I write to it sometimes, it’s not distracting like other music can be.”

“I play it while I study.  It’s relaxing.”  Kate added as she cut up some turkey on Carrie’s tray.  “But we wanted to dance earlier, so Carrie and I put on Madonna.  Right, bean?”

“When I want to dance, Gram plays music on the piano.”  Alexis added, unwilling to be left out.  Rick played with the hair on the back of her head. 

“Can you play the piano?” Jim asked her, to which she shook her head.  Jim scrunched his nose.  “Yeah, Kate didn’t like the piano either.”

Kate groaned at that, shaking her head, disgust etched into her features.  “Ugh, I hated it! And you guys kept pushing it on me!”

Jim shrugged.  “Music makes you smarter.”

She almost shuddered at his statement.  “Yeah, but it’s cruel to force your kids to do something they hate!” She played with one of Carrie’s curls.  “Bean, I promise you, I’ll never make you take piano.”

Rick laughed at the exchange.  “You probably won’t need to force her, did you see her dancing out there?  She will be dragging you to her piano recitals, begging you to spend your entire paycheck on lessons, and you will do it just to make her smile.  Mark my words.”

Her eyes narrowed as she eyed him up and down.  “You just cursed me, I don’t know how, but you did.”  She turned to Carrie.  “Promise me you’ll be a prodigy! Please, tell me I won’t ever have to listen to awful and awkward renditions of _Fur Elise_ and _Ode to Joy_.  Can you promise Mumma?”

“No.” Carrie answered, and the whole room laughed.  Kate shook her head, her eyes rolling back into her skull.  “This is the game we play.” She explained.  To demonstrate, she met Carrie’s brown eyes.  “Carrie, do you want one million dollars?”

“No.”  She shook her head as she answered, her curls bouncing with the movement, and met her mother’s eyes, awaiting the next question. 

“Do you want a vacation to Paris?” Kate’s voice trailed off each time after the word ‘want’, giving her time to think of a request, and providing a dramatic pause. 

“No.”

“Do you want a private jet?”

“No”

“Carrie!” Rick got her attention, and she looked at him, a grin on her face.  “Do you want to live with me and Lexi?”

“No.”

“Carrie.”  Alexis joined next, and the baby’s head swiveled to observe the redhead.  “Do you want a cute little puppy?”

“No!” She shouted it this time, her hand up above her head while she pointed at Alexis.  As they laughed, she posed another question. “Do you want ice cream for dinner?”

“No!”

“Well fine then, do you want liver and onions?” Jim cut in.  Carrie decided then that she was done with the game, shoving food into her mouth instead.  Jim shrugged.  “I guess that’s a yes?”

Kate and Rick chuckled, and they all went back to their food.  They chatted about anything that they could, from school, to work, to their weekends, which had Alexis chattering excitedly about their fashion show.  Rick Watched Kate listen, her focus entirely on his little girl as she talked about the show.  “Kate.” He spoke, shaking her concentration.  Her eyes flicked to his.  “Did you ever print that awesome picture of you and Carrie?”

She blushed, probably remembering that he had called it sexy.  But it was sexy, and he definitely didn’t regret saying it.  She shook her head.  “Not yet, I haven’t had the time.”

“What picture?” Jim asked, clearly feeling out of the loop. 

Rick grinned, the image coming to his head faster than he cared to admit.  “A picture Alexis took during the fashion show.  Kate is carrying bean, and she had my… uh, my daughter’s fairy wings on, and she literally strikes the perfect model pose.”

Jim laughed.  “She better have!  That year spent modeling her senior year of high school helped pay for her motorcycle.”

As Rick grinned from ear to ear, loving the new information he had been given, Kate shot daggers across the table at her father.  Oh, Rick was so glad he wasn’t on the receiving end of that glare, although he knew he would be as long as their friendship continued.

“What?  You never told me it was a secret!”  Jim laughed, clearly not afraid of his daughter’s evil look. 

“You have a motorcycle!” Alexis enthused, her blue eyes wide.  As Kate nodded, she bounced in her seat. “That is so cool! Can I ride it some day?”

Kate laughed, letting out a breath.  “Someday, when you are older.”

When they had calmed down and finished eating, Rick and Jim cleaned the kitchen while the girls had a dance party.  They still blasted Madonna, but rick didn’t care.  The laughing voices from the other room put a smile on his face.  “Your daughter is sweet.” Jim said to him as he put away the leftovers. 

Rick grinned.  “Yeah, she’s pretty great.  I don’t know where she learns it.”

Jim chuckled.  “You don’t think you’re sweet?”

“I mean, sure, I guess I’m sweet.”  He paused, glancing into the other room.  “She’s just nothing like me, or her mother.  Sometimes I wonder where she got her personality.”

“She seems just like you.  Precocious, smart, funny, and polite.”

Rick shook his head.  “See, that’s just it, it’s the _polite_ part.  I didn’t teach her that.”

Jim laughed.  “Kids can surprise you.  Katie is just like her mother sometimes, makes the same faces and everything.  But she always managed to surprise us.  Her wild child phase was worse that Johanna’s and mine put together.”

“Tell me more about wild Kate.” Rick requested, scrubbing the pan. 

Jim shook his head. “Are you kidding me? After the daggers she shot me at the table? No thank you, I’ll let you discover that for yourself.”

Rick groaned.  “Come on! Who’s going to know?”  He whispered. 

“Who’s going to know what?” Kate’s voice behind him made Rick jump, but he relaxed slightly at the sound of her giggles. 

“I was trying to get your father to tell me what he got Carrie for her birthday.” He lied, the words falling quickly out of his mouth. 

“Mmhmm.  Sure.”  She hummed, grabbing a glass of water and strutting away. 

Rick turned to Jim, a smile stretching across his lips.  “Close call.”

Jim shook his head, mirroring Rick’s smile.  “She’s on to you.” With a raise of his eyebrows, he went back to his work cleaning the dishes.  When they finished, they joined the party, laughing and telling stories until Alexis started to yawn. 

Rick stood, Alexis standing behind him.  “We should go.  Someone has school in the morning.”  He stroked his daughter’s hair, nudging her towards Kate.  Alexis ran to the woman, wrapping her in a fierce hug. 

Kate looked up, her hazel eyes meeting his.  “You remember I can’t do dinner next week?  I have finals, and I’m stressing, and I’ll be no fun.”

Rick nodded, picking up the baby and kissing her cheek.  “Yep, but the week after that is someone’s birthday.  I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Alexis hopped up and down.  “And her gift is really good.”

Kate grinned as she stood, moving toward Rick.  “Is it, now?”

“Lex! Don’t give it away!” Rick fake whispered to his daughter. 

“What? I wasn’t going to say what it is, just that it’s good!”  She countered, and he had to fight back his smile. 

He reached to Kate, wrapping her in his arms.  This hug wasn’t as stiff as the one a few days ago, and he was thankful for that.  It felt more natural, like things were back to normal.  This he viewed as a blessing and a curse, because as much as he enjoyed normal, he really wanted something more.  But she hadn’t said no, she said soon, and soon was something he could wait for.  “See you in two weeks.”  He told her as they pulled apart. 

“Yeah. Um, drive safe.” She offered in return.

 


	9. Chapter 9

"Carolyn Johanna Beckett, why are you doing this to me?" It was as if she was doing her absolute best to make things difficult. Every time Kate cleaned something, Carrie went over and messed it up again. Currently she was yanking all of her books off of the bookshelf and spreading them all over the floor. "I've cleaned those three times already!" She tried not to shout as she cleaned the books up yet again. Carrie didn't get it, the concept of clean, and the last thing she wanted for the party was an upset baby. Besides, she was just doing what she was supposed to be doing, exploring the world around her. It wasn't out of spite, and as annoying as it was, Kate couldn't be angry. Kate scooped up her daughter in one hand, and the shoebox of wooden blocks in the other, carrying them both out of her room and into the living room instead. She put Carrie down on the floor and shut the door behind them. "Maybe now it will stay clean until your friends arrive."

She returned to the kitchen and dining area, twisting the purple and green crepe paper together and hanging it from the ceiling. She had balloons tied to the back of each chair, and a party hat at each place. The paper plates and cups were purple, with little grey cartoon elephants dancing along the edges. Kate had even managed to find a "pin the trunk on the elephant" game for the older kids from the daycare. Elephants had never been Kate's thing. She liked monkeys, the smaller the better. Elephants were her mom's obsession, and Kate felt like with them around, her mom was still with her, watching over them. 

The phone rang as she taped up the other end of the crepe paper. She stepped down from the chair, heading for the phone. As she reached it and picked up, Kate noticed all of her books in a pile on the ground, Carrie pulling each one off the shelf and throwing it.  So when she had meant to say, “Hello” into the phone, she instead yelled, “Carrie! No!”

“No!” The little girl echoed. 

“That’s right, no!”  Kate repeated, hoping that her frustration was coming through in her voice.  She began to put the books back with one hand as Carrie began to wail, as if she realized that her game was over, and that she couldn’t get away with this again. 

Kate heard a chuckle in her ear.  “You know, it’s mean to yell at the birthday girl.”

She rolled her eyes, annoyed that he didn’t have the benefit of seeing it.  “Hey, Rick.  Sorry.  She just decided to be destructo-baby today I guess.”

He laughed.  “They all do that, it’s like a game.”

“I know!” She answered, lifting her wailing daughter and placing her in her high chair, giving her a few of the blocks so she would have something to keep her busy while Kate moved around.  “She just destroys things after I finish cleaning, and it’s going to drive me insane.” She explained, pulling the cake out of the fridge.

“You do realize that your place will have at least five other kids there, and it’s going to get destroyed, right?”

She shook her head, once again wishing he could be there to see her denial.  “Nope.  I don’t believe you.  Kids are angels, they don’t make messes!”  She could hear him giggling on the other end of the phone, and let out a breathy chuckle of her own.  “Yes, I know that, but there’s no reason that I can’t make my place presentable before they get here.”

“I guess not.  Do you need anything from me before I get there?”

She looked around.  She had plates, drinks, games, goodie bags, plastic silverware and child appropriate music.  “I think I’m good.  How long until you guys come?”  She felt strange asking, but honestly, she hadn’t seen the Castle’s in almost two weeks, and she really missed the hugs from Alexis.  And the hugs from Rick as well, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to admit that yet.  “And did you hear back from your mother, is she coming?”

“Mother will be there, and we can get there as soon as you are ready for us.”  His answer was like music to her ears, and she found herself grinning like a fool. 

“Well, I’m all set up, we are ready for you whenever.”  She answered, trying to make her voice sound nonchalant instead of eager. 

He chuckled.  “Okay, we are on our way.  Be there soon.”  She heard the click as he hung up the phone, and she placed hers back on the base.  She walked over to the high chair, where Carrie was scribbling away.  When Carrie looked up, she flashed her mother a toothy grin and held up another crayon before returning to her drawing. 

“What are we drawing here, Carrie Jo?”  Kate asked, leaning over the drawing.  Carrie babbled back at her, strings of syllables that only meant something to her.  “I see a lot of red.  Are you drawing Alexis?” Kate suggested, taking the blue crayon Carrie had handed her and drawing a heart. 

“No.” Carrie answered back with a grin, which Kate mirrored. 

 _Oh, so you want to play this game._   “Is it a rocket ship?”

“No!”

Kate laughed, drawing a simple smiley face and adding curly hair.  “Is it a doggie?

“No!”  She threw the crayon down on the tray in front of her, and babbled, tired of the game. 

“Oh, I see.” Kate answered her, adding a stick figure to the head she drew earlier.  “What do you say we get down and hang out until Rick and Alexis get here?”

Carrie looked up, her brown eyes wide and an infectious grin stretching across her face.  “Rih?”

Kate picked her up, settling the baby on her hip.  “Yes! Rick is coming!” She walked into the living room, this time sitting on the floor with her while she played with her blocks, making sure she didn’t destroy everything.  She found herself anxious to see them, glancing at the clock every few seconds and listening for the sound of footsteps on the floor outside her door.  Carrie seemed to have forgotten all about them, babbling while she stacked her blocks and knocked them over again, erupting with joy each time the blocks fell.  Kate watched her, smiling and laughing along with her, chasing after the blocks as they fell. 

She was almost embarrassed about how fast she jumped up when she heard the knock on her door.  She could hear the six-year-old giggling before the door opened, bringing a smile to her face.  “Hello Castle family!” She said as she opened the door, finding the three of them with smiles on their faces that warmed her heart. 

“I am not a Castle, I am a Rodgers.”  Martha corrected before gathering Kate in a hug that literally turned her around on her toes.

Kate wrapped her arms around the older woman, hugging her back with just as much ferocity.  “I missed you!” She whispered before they pulled apart from each other. 

“Oh Katherine, dear, I missed you too!”  She walked into the living room with a purpose, immediately lifting the baby and pressing a wet kiss to her chubby cheek.  “Carolyn, look at how big you got! Oh, it’s been too long!”

Carrie ignored the woman, pointing instead at Rick.  “Rih!”

Kate hadn’t realized how close he was to her until she felt the rumble of his laughter from behind her.  It was as if he had wanted to surprise her with a hug from behind, but thought better of it, and hadn’t had the chance to move.  Martha walked toward them, muttering something about being chopped liver before depositing the baby in his arms.  He lifted her above his head, lowering her to him to smother her with kisses.  “I missed you so much, Bean!” He enthused, a childish grin on his face. 

Kate felt Alexis tap her hand, and looked down to see her there with a thin present wrapped in orange paper.  “Where should I put this?” The redhead asked, holding it out eagerly. 

Kate laughed.  “On the ground so you can hug me properly.”  She watched the grin stretch across the redhead’s face as she carefully placed the gift on the ground and wrapped her arms around Kate’s neck.  Kate lifted her, spinning once before putting her down again.  “There’s an empty table in the kitchen, you can put the gift there.” She instructed, watching the girl run off.

Rick hugged her from the side, but she turned into it, making it less awkward.  “How did finals go?” he asked her as they pulled apart. 

Kate brushed her hair behind her ear.  “Alright, I think.  I only have two classes left to go.”

He smiled, placing his hand in the small of her back as they walked toward the living room.  “That’s great! What’s after that?”

She shrugged.  “I’ve been toying with the idea of entering the police academy now, that way I finish both at around the same time and can get a job after that.”

They sat on the couch, and Rick let Carrie free to crawl around the floor.  “How much work is that going to be though?”

She shook her head.  “I have no idea.  I’m thinking of e-mailing someone to see what they suggest.”  She watched her daughter crawl back towards the blocks, where Alexis was already building her own little tower.  She turned her head towards Rick, meeting his eyes.  “I missed you last week.”

He smiled, and rubbed her knee with his hand.  “I missed you too.”  She found herself leaning towards him slightly more than she would have a few weeks ago, happy that they were back to being comfortable with each other. 

Martha came back from the kitchen, a glass of water in her hand, and sat in the chair opposite them.  “Katherine, who else is coming?  I saw a lot of plates out there.”

Kate sighed.  “I invited the daycare, and a few parents responded.  The kids should range in age from six months to five years.”  She glanced around her place, hoping there would be enough room.  “I’m so glad you guys came first though.  It’s nice to really know the people in your house.”  Not that she hadn’t met other parents before, she just didn’t know them like she knew Rick. 

“And your father?”  Martha continued, sitting back, and trying (and failing) to hide her grin as she watched Rick and Kate scooch closer together.

“He’s coming, he just might be late.  He got some court appointed case, and just has to appear briefly.  He doesn’t think it should take too long.” She explained. 

Martha nodded, and proceeded to help them pass the next half hour by telling stories about the crazy director she was currently working with.  And before she had realized how much time had passed, there was a knock on her door.  Kate got up to answer it, and saw a blonde woman there with two smaller children, one in diapers, and one who was maybe four.  “Hi, Emily!” Kate greeted after a moment of hesitation.  “I’m so glad you all could make it!”  She lowered herself to the boy’s level.  “Your name is Jonah, right?” He nodded in response, hiding behind his mom’s leg.  “Well Jonah, Carrie and Alexis are here playing with blocks.  Alexis doesn’t go to daycare with you, but she’s pretty cool.  Want to go say ‘hi?’”  She held out her hand to him, and he took it tentatively, walking with her into the living room.  “Hey Lex, this is Jonah.”  Kate called to the girl, who hopped up and ran towards him. 

“Hi Jonah! Want to play with blocks?”

“Sure.”

Kate tapped Alexis’ shoulder.  “Do you mind just opening the door to Carrie’s room? More kids will come soon, and all the toys are in there.”  Alexis nodded, running over to open the door and returning to the blocks, where the two older kids built towers and Carrie knocked them down. 

Kate turned back to the blonde woman.  “Emily, this is Rick and Martha.”  She gestured to the couch.  “Please, make yourself at home!” Kate switched into the role of hostess pretty easily as more people came, offering up her couch to the five families who came from the daycare center.  And she found it easier than she had thought it would be to have a good time with the people she didn’t really know.  Alexis kept the older kids busy, While Kate and Rick corralled the toddlers and babies.  Her Dad wasn’t too late, only about an hour, and he arrived dressed in his suit with the little pink gift clasped in his hands.

Once Jim had arrived, Martha declared it time for cake, and led the older kids to the table, where Kate discovered that she really was the best person to lead a birthday song.  Kate helped Carrie blow out her candle, and Rick passed cake and ice cream out to everyone. 

Kate was startled by a hand on her shoulder.  Sharon, the Mother of a sweet three year old girl, had positioned herself to whisper into Kate’s ear.  “Forgive me if I’m mistaken, but is that Richard Castle, as in, the mystery writer?”

Kate let out a chuckle.  “Yeah.  He used to live across from me.”

“Is he single?”

Kate was surprised by how long it actually took her to answer that question.  “Yeah.”  She could have sworn she could feel her heart falling as the word fell out of her mouth. 

“So he’s not involved with you? I could give him my number?”  Sharon had been talking earlier about her divorce, the fact that her husband cheated on her with someone from his past, so Kate wasn’t really surprised by this request. 

She sighed before shaking her head.  “We aren’t involved.  Do whatever you‘d like.”  As Sharon walked away, complete glee radiating from every pore on her body, Kate sat next to her daughter, and tried to fight the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.  Jealousy, that was the name of it, rearing it’s ugly head, and she found herself unable to even look at her best friend. 

When they had finished with cake, Martha ushered them into the living room.  “I’ll bring the gifts to you, dear, just go sit!”  Kate laughed, finding a place on the floor in front of the chair, placing Carrie in the center of her crossed legs. 

The guests sat in a semi-circle surrounding them, and Martha brought them gifts one by one.  They got stuffed animals, a toy phone that made music when you pressed buttons, an electronic guitar that played ‘If you’re happy and you know it’, and quite a few stuffed animals. 

Martha brought over Jim’s gift, a small box wrapped in pink paper.  “What did Papa get for you, Carrie Jo?”

“It’s not really something she can use right away.” Jim explained, his voice soft and hesitant. 

Kate nodded.  “That’s fine.  Whatever it is, we can put it away.”  She definitely wasn’t going to complain.  A year ago, she didn’t think her father would even be here, so she was just thankful he was here.  Kate helped her daughter rip the paper, and then opened the box to find a small, silver heart-shaped locket inside.  She looked over to Jim.  “Dad!  It’s beautiful!  Thank you so much.”

“Did you look inside?”  She shook her head, and used her nails to pry the locket open.  She was met with a picture of her mother on one side, holding her as a baby.  On the other side was her favorite picture of her mom, smiling and looking off into the distance.  “I know you wear her ring on that chain around your neck.”  Her hands flew to it as he talked.  “I just though Carrie should have something like that, something to keep her close with.”

Kate lifted Carrie out of her lap, and Rick was there in an instant to take her.  Kate jumped up and walked over to where her father was sitting, wrapping him in the hug he wanted to get from her the first day he showed up at her door sober, the hug she had been denying him.  She felt a few tears run down her cheeks as they gently rocked back and forth.  “Thank you Dad.  It’s perfect.”  She smiled at him as she pulled away, wiping the tears from her face. 

Martha was holding the last gift in her hand, the one from Rick and Alexis, so Kate sat and took her daughter back in her lap.  They opened it together, and Kate wasn’t entirely surprised to find a hardcover book.  But when she turned it over, she saw the fancy letters across the top.  _Little Bean, by Richard Castle.  Illustrated by Alexis Castle._   She looked up at him, her mouth dropping open in surprise.  “How did you?”

“I know some people, asked for some favors.” He shrugged, the smug grin stretching wider across his face. 

“Read it out loud, Kate!” Alexis jumped up and down on her knees. 

Kate looked at the cover in awe.  The drawing of Carrie on the cover was done in crayon, but absolutely adorable, a smiley face with crazy brown curls.  Kate leaned down to whisper in Carrie’s ear.  “You want to read your new book, Bean?”  Carrie pulled the cover open in response, and curled into her mother’s chest as Kate got ready to read aloud. 

Rick interrupted before she got a chance.  “I just want it on the record that I am in no way a children’s book writer, nor am I a poet.”

Kate’s eyebrows raised with amusement.  “Noted.” She snuggled her bean closer to her, and began to read.  “Hello everyone, my name is Bean, The smartest little girl that you've ever seen.”  There was another picture of Carrie on this page, a lightbulb drawn over her head.  “With a mop of brown curls and big, big brown eyes, That love to observe from the land to the skies.”  Alexis had drawn a landscape here, complete with a pond and flowers, a few birds in the sky. 

“I know I’m the luckiest girl around, Because the love that I feel is so profound.”  Here Carrie was drawn holding onto a heart, and hearts of all sizes and colors were drawn all over the page.  Kate found herself smiling as she turned each page, excited to see what would pop up.  “First, there's Alexis who shares all her toys, Who has no problems helping me make noise.”  Alexis had drawn herself and Carrie here, both of them banging on drums.  Kate noticed she had gone back to drawing herself with straight hair. 

“Then, there's Rick, who holds me tight, Who somehow got me to sleep at night.”  Kate laughed at this page, remembering that night eleven months ago when they met, when she felt all alone.  She felt crazy for that now.  The picture showed Rick holding Carrie, who had z’s coming from her head as she slept.  “My Papa is helpful, quiet, and fair, And plays with me so I'm out of Mommy's hair.”  This picture wasn’t as accurate, which was expected, because Alexis had only met Jim two weeks ago.  But a man was in the picture, stacking blocks with the curly haired baby. 

Kate turned the page and was met with a portrait of herself, long brown hair, blue eyes which Kate chuckled at, and a tiara, the tips of the pink and blue fairy wings peeking from the top of her shoulders. “But my Mommy, oh my Mommy, she's the best of the best, With her in my life, I'm truly blessed. Mommy is beautiful, smart, patient, and gentle, Kind, silly, tough, and sentimental.”  Kate felt herself tearing up at the words, as Carrie almost curled tighter into her body.  She sniffed and turned the page, finding a picture of herself and Carrie standing with their arms up.  “If I know one thing, of this I am sure, I can't wait to grow up, and be just like her.” 

Kate leaned down, placing a kiss in her daughter’s curls before turning to the last page.  “That's a lot to take in, but I hope you have seen, That I'm the luckiest girl, and my name is Little Bean.”  Kate closed the book, holding Carrie close to her while she smiled at Rick.  “Thank you for that.”

He grinned back.  “I’m glad you liked it.”

She looked at Alexis now, her happiness doubling.  “And your pictures were so beautiful, Lex!”

She grinned.  “Thanks! But I couldn’t remember what color your eyes were.”

Kate felt the laughter bubbling in her chest.  “That’s okay! They were beautiful, sweetheart, I promise.”  Kate fought the tears, she really did, but they shed freely.  Because reading that book, with her amazing daughter curled in her lap and all the wonderful things they said about her, she was finally seeing herself through Carrie’s eyes.  It was something Martha had suggested ages ago, with the assurance that Carrie would always think Kate was the best Mom in the world.  It was supposed to help boost her self-esteem, and today, it really had.  Between this book and her Dad’s locket, she was a wreck, and Rick had moved to cleaning up the paper. 

Kate regained her senses enough to help, letting Carrie play with her new toys while she cleaned and said goodbyes.  She clenched her jaw as she saw Sharon pass a piece of paper to Rick, but her chest puffed out when she saw Rick throw it out after she had left.  She caught her bottom lip between her teeth as she turned, trying to hide her glee.  Soon it was just the Castle’s and her Dad left.  She left Carrie with her Dad while she went into the other room to clean up the toys in her daughter’s room again. 

She jumped when she felt his hand on her shoulder.  “I didn’t intend for you to cry when you read that book.” He teased.

She rolled her eyes.  “It was residual rom the locket.” She lied as she turned towards him, her hands resting on his shoulders. 

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”  It was so childish, but she couldn’t help it.  She laughed, leaning forward and surprising him with a touch of their lips.  He deepened the kiss after a moment, holding her tighter to him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. 

He sighed, disappointed when her lips left his.  “I hate myself for that.  I’m sorry.”

He rolled his eyes.  “What is it?”

She shook her head.  “Almost.  I promise, almost.  But I still have school, and I need to find a job that’s not waitressing.”  She bit her lip again.  “But I want you.  I’m so confused, and I don’t want to string you along.”

He sighed, holding her closer.  “Okay.  So we aren’t dating. Yet.  But we both want each other, right?”  His eyebrows raised, and she nodded, meeting his eyes.  “So, we can revisit this in a few months if you’d like.  But until then, I’m not going to date anyone else.  Unless you have a twin who’s not as flip-floppy.”

She laughed at that, and the smile curling at his lips.  “No twin, sorry.” She rubbed his face with her thumb.  “I won’t date anyone else either.  It’s just you, Rick.  It’s always been you.”

His grin got wider at that, and if grins could generate light, Kate was sure it would have been seen across the country.  “Can I still kiss you sometimes though?” he asked, dropping the grin for a more serious expression. 

“Oh, definitely.”  She pulled his face to her, and met his lips again, allowing their bodies to melt into each other.   


	10. Chapter 10

Alexis was smarter than they gave her credit for, which was saying a lot, because they knew she was really smart. She may only be six, but she could see what was going on.

Exhibit A: They spent an awful lot of time with Kate. Which was fine, really, she loved Kate. And she loved Carrie. And before she knew it, Wednesday night dinners turned into meetings at the park after school for so-called "play dates" with Carrie. Then they had random movie nights on at least one weekend day, but usually both, where they would all watch some sort of family movie, usually involving music. That turned into Alexis and her Daddy meeting Kate and Carrie for coffee (or cocoa in Alexis' case) and doughnuts before school. Alexis didn't mind these changes, she really didn't. But they were enough to get her to really pay attention, and that is when the little girl had really started to notice things.

Exhibit B: They were closer. Kate and her Dad were closer than ever, from the way that they cuddled on the couch, Kate resting her head on his shoulder, her Daddy wrapping his arm around her back, holding her there. Sometimes he even rubbed her shoulder or her back while they sat. That and at dinner, they sat closer and closer to each other, and sometimes, their hands touched. And it took her Daddy longer to give Kate coffee than it took to give Alexis her cocoa, because neither one of them wanted to let go of the other one's hand when they met around the beverage. At first, Alexis had found this annoying. Sometimes she wanted to cuddle with him too! But she soon learned that there were some advantages to this. Like, they told each other things. Kate taught her Daddy all about how to wash Alexis' hair without getting soapy water in her eyes. That was great, because now he was a pro, and it was one less thing that Alexis had to worry about teaching him. She had learned that this worked both ways. On one Wednesday, when a boy had made fun of her hair earlier at school, she had hidden upstairs, sulking in her room. Kate knocked on the door, a hairbrush, squirt bottle, and elastics in her hand. She had sat on the bed behind Alexis, stroking her hair, brushing out the snarls, and commenting on how beautiful and long it was. When she leaned forward, Kate's breath tickled her ear, and Alexis couldn't help but giggle. "Can I braid it?" Alexis nodded at her request, and Kate quickly did her long red hair in two pretty French braids, tied with yellow elastics. She sprayed her hair with the spray bottle, and came around to face the younger girl. "If you sleep in these, tomorrow morning, when you take them out, your hair will be nice and wavy. I used to do it all the time when I was little." She had hugged Alexis and coaxed her downstairs, and the next day, no one made fun of her hair. eventually, Alexis learned that Kate was happy to share her Daddy during the movies.

Exhibit C: They were happier. This meant everyone, including herself. She couldn't remember life before Kate and Carrie had been introduced to her, and she didn't want to. She had a dream, a nightmare really, where Kate had left her for LA like her Mom and never came back, and Alexis had woken with tears in her blue eyes. She told Kate all about it the next day. Kate assured her this would never happen, that she would never leave her, and that she liked New York too much to ever live that far away. She then wrapped Alexis in a huge hug, one that made her feel safe and secure. It used to be only her Daddy that could hug her and make her feel safe, but she figured he must have taught Kate how to do that like she taught him all about her hair. She liked it. She liked that Kate smiled and laughed a lot more, and that she had joined in on their massive game of laser tag (and was sort of kicking their butts). She loved that her dad was excited to wake up every morning, waiting by the door to go to the coffee shop before Alexis had even put on her shoes. She liked celebrating the little things, like ice cream sundaes when Carrie finally took her first steps. Everyone was happier, and Alexis didn't want to go back.

Exhibit D: She caught them kissing. They didn't see her, and they didn't know she saw. They were supposed to be cooking dinner. But while the water was boiling, Kate had wrapped her arms around her Daddy's neck, and he had placed his hands on her hips, and they pushed themselves close together, like when Belle and the Beast kiss. She had run to tell Gram, who turned to look, and then turned back, hiding a smile behind her hand. She brought a finger to her lips. "Shhh. Let them have their moment, sweetheart." Alexis nodded, a grin on her own face, and sat down to try and have a tea party with Carrie.

All of this had led her to a conclusion. And part of her wanted to leave it alone, let it figure itself out. But as they all sat around the table, she couldn't help it anymore. "Kate?" she called out to the woman across the table from her.

Kate turned and looked at her, a smile on her face. "Yes, Lex, what can I do for you?"

"Are you my Dad's new girlfriend?"

Alexis watched as Kate dropped her fork, and looked at her Daddy for help.

Grams tapped her hand. "I said to let them be, not ambush the poor girl!" But that was confusing, because Alexis had let them have their moment, and now it was over. And Alexis just really wanted to know.

"Um, well, Lex," Kate stammered, her face red, "It's complicated." She copped out.

"But why is it complicated?" She asked, throwing herself back in her chair, exasperated.

"Alexis, don't whine." Her Daddy's firm voice scolded, and she rolled her eyes because she didn't wine. "We'll talk about this later, okay?"

"Fine." She agreed, returning to her meal. When daddy use his voice like that, she knew there was no arguing. But she wanted to talk about it now.

She saw them talking after dinner while they cleaned up. They weren't as close as they had been when they were cooking, and Kate looked nervous. Alexis wanted to see them kiss again.

When he talk to her in that night, he tried to avoid the question, pretending it had never happened. But she was six, and big now, and new all his tricks. "Daddy, is Kate your girlfriend?"

He sighed. "She is right, pumpkin, it's complicated."

"Well why did you kiss her?"

He sat at the foot of her bed. "You saw that?"

Alexis nodded. "Uh huh! And you told me that we only kissed family and girlfriends or boyfriends on the lips. And that I can't have a girlfriend or boyfriend until I'm 40."

He smiled at her. "That's right. I'm glad you remembered that." He sighed. "I want Kate to be my girlfriend, if that's okay with you. I'm supposed to go talk to her about it on Friday night. You and Carrie will hang out here with Grams while I go on a real date with Kate."

Alexis grinned and kick her feet, unable to contain her excitement in her head anymore. "Does Kate want you to be her boyfriend?"

He shrugged. "I think so."

"Yay!" She set up and hugged him. "I think it will be great."

She felt his chest rumble with laughter underneath her head. "I'm happy to hear it. But nothing is for sure yet."

How could I be sure? They both wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend, so they should just do it! Grown-ups are so confusing. She laid down in bed. "Okay." She sighed, tired of the conversation, but excited for the future. "Love you."

He leaned down and kissed her hair. "Love you too."


	11. Chapter 11

Kate dropped her fork and looked at Rick for help as his daughter spoke. She could feel her cheeks turning red, and see the slight expression of amusement on his face. And despite being somewhat amused, she was mortified that a six year old was so in tune to their relationship, whatever the label was. Her mind raced as she tried to find the proper response, musing after each possibility before the words "It's complicated," came tumbling out of her mouth. Nope, not what she wanted to say, but since the birthday party, she hadn't even discussed these feelings with Rick. The first time she called him her boyfriend was not going to happen as she talked to his daughter.

She was relieved when he took over, squashing the discussion before it even started, taking the pressure off of her. But watching Alexis sulk in her seat, her questions unanswered made her upset, and she wished she could go back and say anything else rather than push the curious girl's inquiries to the side. They returned to their dinner and ate in relative silence. Carrie was quiet too, as if she could feel the tension in the room. When they finished, Martha leaned down to grab Carrie from Kate's arms, and whispered to Kate. "You two clean. I think you have a lot to talk about." She shot a knowing look in Kate's direction, which had her blushing again, and whisked Carrie away to the living room. Alexis ignored them, joining her grandmother and the baby in the other room.

Kate dropped her head in her hands and groaned. She felt his hands on her back, reassuring her. "Please tell me this is a dream. I wasn't really asked about our relationship by your six-year-old?"

He chuckled. "I'm sorry." He pushed her hair out of the way and moved to her shoulders. "But soon we can laugh about it, right? Kids are way more perceptive than we give them credit for."

She could almost see his smirk in her mind's eye as he rubbed her shoulders. "You didn't arrange this, did you?" she teased.

He moved his hands from her shoulders, causing her to look up at him. He shook his head from side to side. "Of course not, Kate. I don't want to push you, and I want you to trust me. I wouldn't betray your trust like that."

She smiled up at him before moving her plate to the sink. "I know that. It just seemed odd coming from her."

Rick laughed, putting the leftovers into little containers. "Not really. She's a pretty curious kid." Kate chuckled at that, and they settled into an uncomfortable silence as she washed the dishes. She wasn't expecting it when he put down his towel and turned himself toward her. "Are you?"

She looked at him, taking in the serious expression that was etched into his face. "Am I what?"

"My new girlfriend." He stated, as if it were an obvious question.

She sighed, her hands dropping into the soapy water in the sink. "Do we need to talk about this now?"

He put the plate he was holding into the cupboard. "I say yes. You said it yourself, it's complicated, and I kind of want to give my daughter a better answer than that."

She sighed, grabbing the towel and drying her hands as she turned to face him. "I get it. I have it easy. Telling Carrie that we are dating isn't a big deal to her." She glanced toward the living room, noticing Alexis' little blue eyes trained on them, like she was expecting to see something. She looked back at him. "But something tells me that this discussion is going to take a little longer than a few minutes. And it's getting late, and we have to be up early tomorrow."

Rick sighed, resting his hands on the back of his neck. "Well, we can't avoid this forever, Kate. We need to talk."

She nodded, taking his hand. "I know. All I'm asking for is two days. I have Friday night off, we can go on a proper date, and we can talk."

He glanced in the other room, where their daughters were playing, Alexis no longer watching them. "Who are you going to get to watch Carrie?"

She sighed. "I mean, my dad has offered."

"Yeah, but are you comfortable with that?" He asked her, studying her face.

She shrugged. "I'm getting there."

He leaned against the counter, crossing his arms. "But you aren't there yet."

She didn't answer him, she knew he could see in her face that she wasn't. She just started trusting her father alone with Carrie for a few hours at a time, overnight was a stretch. "I mean, he used to stay with me overnight, and he did okay back then." She offered, chuckling at the grimace on his face as she said it.

"But that was before his alcoholism, and he's out of practice. Don't do something you're uncomfortable with just so we can talk." They were both quiet, each mulling over the dilemma and trying to come up with solutions. Kate knew they needed a real date, one where she didn't have to wrangle her toddler, or answer awkward questions. Maybe being alone together wasn't in the cards.

"What about my mother?" He threw out, watching her and gauging her reaction.

Kate turned and watched Martha interact with the two girls in the living room. She was singing songs, captivating Carrie while Alexis clapped along. "I'd feel more comfortable with that." She answered him honestly, turning back to look at him.

"And then we can just come back here, so you don't need to leave her overnight."

She flashed him a small smile. "That sounds perfect, actually."

He nodded, pulling her in for a hug. "I'll talk to her about it, but I'm sure it will be fine. Friday it is." He released her, and they finished the dishes in awkward silence. Kate left soon afterward, a sleepy Carrie in her arms. She pressed a tender kiss to Rick's cheek as she left, as soon as she realized little eyes weren't watching, and drove home with a smile on her face, excited to see what Friday would bring.

She arrived at his place later than she wanted to on Friday, discovering that getting ready for a date with a curious toddler wasn't exactly easy. Carrie wanted to play with the make-up brush, dry her hair, put on lipstick. She was trying to be like Kate. Which had been adorable, but now she was a half hour late. He didn't look angry when he opened the door, but the "Sorry!" tumbled past her lips anyway as she walked past him and placed Carrie in the arms of Martha. She turned back to him. "I should have started getting ready earlier, I didn't realize exactly how difficult it would be with Carrie."

He wasn't listening, she realized. His eyes were dancing over her, studying her, and she took the opportunity to study him. He was dressed up, in a nice deep blue suit that brought out his eyes. He looked important and well put together. And she could definitely get used to the way he was looking at her, sweeping up and down, a look of awe etched into his face. She loved this deep purple dress, because it showed off her legs and hugged her curves. And she made a mental note to wear it again if it made him check her out like this. "Take a picture, it will last longer." She teased him, while Martha chuckled from behind her. Kate turned to face the older woman. "Are you sure you're okay with this? I don't want to impose…"

"Katherine, don't worry!" Martha interrupted, throwing an arm around Kate's shoulders. "Go out, have a good time, come back or don't come back, I don't care. I love spending time with you and your wonderful daughter." Her smile was warm as she tightened her arm around Kate. "It's a shame I only get one of you tonight, but you two deserve a quiet night out."

Kate grinned, hugging her back. "Thank you. I owe you."

"You really don't." She answered back. She waved her hand in the direction of the door. "Now scoot out of here, both of you." She pushed gently on Kate's back. "I mean it, get out of here!"

Kate and Rick laughed as they were shoved from his loft and the door slammed behind them. She laced her arm in his, allowing him to lead the way.

She was somewhat surprised when he led her to the parking garage, and not to the car service she knew he had access to. She was even more surprised when he stopped in front of a red Ferrari, sliding his key into the lock, and opening the passenger side door for her. "I hope you like the wind in your face, Kate."

She couldn't hide the grin from her face as she rushed toward him and sat in the car, leaning back against the leather seats. "Are you kidding me, who doesn't like the wind in their face?" It reminded her of her days on her motorcycle. The wind was never in her face, but she could feel it whip her hair as it stuck out from her helmet. And she could feel it on her back, or feel it making her jacket flap. She was tempted to use that one remaining night of free babysitting so she could just ride her motorcycle around the countryside. They took off, and she lifted her head and closed her eyes, feeling the cooler night air on her face, and grinning from ear to ear. "I missed this."

"Missed what?"

She chuckled. "The wind. Did I forget to tell you I have a motorcycle?"

"Yeah, you forgot to mention that." He teased, watching her with amusement. She chuckled to herself. The amount of things he didn't know about her could fill a book. Eventually that would all change. She had already shown more of herself to him than she had to anyone else in a long time.

"I'll show it to you sometime."

He grinned. "I'd like that."

He pulled up outside of a fancy Italian restaurant, ran around to open her door for her, and handed his keys to the valet. She laced her arm in his again and followed him inside.

"Name please." The maître d' asked without looking up.

"Donny, my man. Is that how you greet me?"

The man looked up, and his face broke into a huge grin. "Ricky! No one told me you were coming today!" The two men shook hands, while Kate looked on, feeling somewhat like a third wheel.

"It was a last minute reservation! First date with my girlfriend, I had to take her somewhere nice."

Donny met Kate's eyes and held out a hand. "Wow, you are so out of his league!" Kate let out a laugh at that and shook the man's hand, easing some of the tension in her body.

"Kate, this is a good friend of mine from my high-school days, Donovan Mitchell." As soon as he said the name, it clicked. Donovan Michaels was a supporting character in Hell Hath No Fury, who also liked to go by Donny. "And this is my lovely girlfriend, Kate." Rick finished the introductions, and Kate released Donny's hand.

Donny grinned, leaning toward her. "First date, and he's already calling you his girlfriend?"

She laughed. "Don't let him fool you, we've known each other for a year." And they have been pseudo-dating for about two months, not that she had ever admitted that out loud, and wasn't about to start.

Donny nodded, looking down at the seating chart. "So this has been a long time coming." He gave some menus to another waitress and pointed at the chart in front of them. "I'm glad you decided to share this happy moment with us, and I wish you both many more to come." His smile as he spoke was genuine, and Kate could feel herself relaxing.

At the table, he ordered wine, and they both ordered their food before he broached the topic. "So, why are you so hesitant?"

She sighed, pushing her hair out of her face. "I don't think I even know right now."

He looked confused, his face mirroring her thoughts inside. "Okay." He spoke slowly, dragging the word out, as if deciding what he wanted to say next. "What are you worried about? We can tackle those one at a time."

She nodded, thinking of the biggest issue on her mind. "Our kids. If this doesn't work out, we aren't the only ones that get hurt."

"Ah! But we each made a promise to each other not to leave the kids, no matter how awkward it gets between us. So that is invalid."

She laughed. "We did. But there will be a difference, and we learned the other day just how well kids observe things."

He laughed, thinking of his daughter's outburst. "Yeah, she saw us kissing." He explained. He leaned toward her, his elbows on the table, propping up his hand. "And what makes you think that this won't work out, anyway?"

She shook her head. "It's not that I think it won't, I just try to imagine every possibility in my head before I make life changing decisions."

"Okay." He said again. "Unfortunately, I won't have an answer for that until our demise, so I guess we will have to cross that bridge when we get to it. Unless, you don't think you can be there for Alexis?"

She shook her head enthusiastically, her curls bouncing on her shoulders. "Of course I'll be there for her, I promised!"

He grinned. "Okay, good! What else?"

She squirmed a bit in her seat. "I know it sounds stupid, but the age difference. You are already established with a career, a family, a place to live. I'm just starting my life, a bit out of order, but still not quite as put together as you."

He thought about that one for a bit, mulling it over in his mind before he spoke. "I mean, what exactly about it bothers you? Because if it makes you feel wrong, we shouldn't do this. If you are worried about what other people think, screw them!"

She laughed at this, leaning forward to copy his pose and looking him in the eye. "It doesn't bother me that much. I guess the only person I worry about what they think is you." His eyebrows raised at her comment. "I mean, does it bother you that I'm not as put together as you are?"

He shook his head. "No! I was where you are once, and you are way more put together than I was at 21."

She had trouble accepting the compliment. The only reason she was so put together was because of Carrie. She only had Carrie because of a lapse of judgment. That whole situation forced her to grow up. She wouldn't trade her daughter for anything, but she wished she could go out sometimes and not feel guilty about getting drunk. The thing was, she knew she was a better person with Bean in her life. She didn't want to go back to the person she had been before. Bean had forced her to grow up, and stop thinking about herself, helped to motivate her Dad to get sober, and introduced her to Rick, all before she turned one. "Thanks." She answered, accepting the compliment genuinely.

Their food came out then, and they were both quiet as they ate, savoring every morsel. It was Kate who spoke next, not needing him to prompt her. "I worry about my school a lot too. I know I'm graduating soon, but then I have the academy, and I just want to give this relationship priority, which I can't guarantee at this moment."

Rick shook his head. "Okay, so, what about after that. I'm worried that you will keep putting this off. Next it will be, 'I need to find a good job first,' and after that it will be, 'give me some time to get established.'" He ate another bite of his pasta. "Relationships aren't perfect. They exist so that you can rely on someone through the tough times, like your school, or how insane I get when I have writer's block. It's just like having kids, there is no perfect time."

She nodded. "Okay. I hear you."

"You can't refuse to date someone because you are afraid of breaking your daughter's heart, because you'll never be happy that way, and you deserve to be happy. And it's better for her because she will have a good example of a healthy relationship. You can't refuse to date someone because you are afraid of what other people will think. All that matters is what you think. And you can't refuse to date someone because of timing, because it will never be right." He summarized her worries easily, and reached across the table to grab her hand. "Kate, I want you. Only you. Because you are smart, and fun, and a wonderful parent, and ambitious, and driven, and focused. And I want your flaws. Your indecisiveness, your insecurities, your past, your baggage. Kate, I want all of you. I think every little bit of you is wonderful, and I want to help you see that, bit by tiny bit. If you'll let me."

As he spoke, her heart soared, and for once, she didn't doubt herself. She saw herself for a moment through his eyes perfectly, and she knew that despite what she told herself, maybe she really was right for him. "I'd like that."

He grinned, leaning back in his chair. "So this is official now? No more of this kinda sorta stuff? Because that's tiring, and I really want to be able to tell my daughter."

She laughed as she bobbed her head up and down. "No more of that, and you can tell Alexis whatever you'd like." She paused for a minute. "Do you think she's happy about it?"

He laughed. "Kate, she is so excited about the idea that she couldn't stay still. How do you think she'll react when it's reality?"

"Thank God!" she blurted, eliciting a chuckle from him.

They ordered dessert, a molten chocolate cake. He drove them back to his place, where they shared more wine and just talked. They talked all night, until she started to fall asleep on the couch. She was almost asleep when she felt him lay the blanket on top of her, and felt his lips graze her temple. And she wasn't quite sure if the "I love you" she heard whispered was real or part of her dream.


	12. Chapter 12

Rick had known for a while that he loved Kate. He couldn't pinpoint the precise moment that he fell in love with her, but by the time they finally had their first date, he knew it without a doubt. So when he tucked that blanket around her and whispered it into her ear, he knew he was telling her the truth. And seeing the soft smile curl into her face as he said it was the icing on the cake to a wonderful night.

The next morning, he found her sprawled out, her hair draping gracefully over the arm of the couch. He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Her eyes fluttered open as she woke, stretching her arms above her head. "Hey." Her voice was thick with sleep, but the smile stretched wider, and he couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey." He repeated, holding out a mug. "Coffee?"

She sat up and reached for it eagerly, pulling it from his hands. "Oh, you are the best." She enthused as she took a sip.

He chuckled. "I haven't even finished the pancakes yet."

"Mmmm, pancakes." She looked around the empty living room. "Where did you set the pack and play up for Carrie?"

"Upstairs, in the guest room. Mother is right next door to her."

Kate got up from the couch and pressed her lips to his, wrapping an arm around his neck. When she pulled away, she was still smiling. "I might go up and sit outside the door, wait for her to wake up, you know? She might have missed me."

Rick chuckled at that, understanding what she was feeling. It was natural for most parents to feel that way, even after an amazing night. She missed her daughter, and he loved her for it. He squeezed her shoulder. "She probably did. Go ahead. The pancakes will still be here when you come back." She kissed him again, leaving the coffee cup on the table as she sauntered upstairs, still in her dress from the night before. He would have offered her new clothes. He would have offered her the bed, but she was falling asleep so fast, insisting on trying to stay up as late as possible talking, and he didn't want to scare her off. The couch was more comfortable that it looked though, and she seemed well rested.

He returned to the pancakes, flipping them, and cutting up some fruit to make happy faces on them. It was something he usually only did for Alexis, but he was happy today, and wanted everyone else to be happy too.

He heard little feet on the stairs, thumping their way down, and felt his daughter's little arms around his legs before he could turn. He stroked her hair, which his mother had done in two French braids the night before, and put down the spatula. He lowered himself down to her, so he could hug her properly. "Hey, Pumpkin! Did you have fun with Carrie and Grams last night?"

Alexis grinned. "Yeah. Grams sang us songs and we had a dance party!" She demonstrated, twirling in her nightgown as he watched. She stopped, her movements sudden, and looked up at him. "Daddy, why is Kate still in her dress from last night? And why is she sitting outside the guest room?"

"Well, she fell asleep on the couch after our night out, and didn't bring any pajamas with her. And she is waiting for Carrie to wake up."

Alexis was silent, thinking about this, but accepted the facts with a single nod of her head as she sat at the table. "Can I have some orange juice, please?"

"Of course." He pulled her small plastic cup out of the cupboard and grabbed the juice from the fridge. Her smile excited him as he handed her the glass. He put the juice away and went back to cooking.

Alexis had already dug into her pancakes when Kate came back downstairs, a babbling Carrie in her arms. "Rick, it smells delicious. Thank you!"

"Anytime!" He answered her as he took Carrie from her. "You tell your Mommy that I mean that. You two are always welcome here." Carrie grinned, her toothy smile lightening his mood more than he thought possible. She babbled back at him, nonsense syllables, and a few words thrown in here and there. When she stopped, he talked back to her. "Wow! What a lot of stuff you did!"

"Yeah." She answered back. As Kate sat down to her own plate, Carrie continued to babble and Rick held her, sharing his fruit with her. They ate breakfast together like normal, almost as if it was one of their Wednesday night dinners. They joked, laughed, and told stories. Through it all, Rick could only think that this is what a real family was supposed to feel like.

When they left, Kate talking about changing and meeting up with her father, he kissed her goodbye at the door, both of them smiling at the squeals of his daughter. He didn't repeat his words from the night before, afraid to scare her off. He didn't want her to feel forced to reply. Instead, he sends her off with a "See you soon."

She nods. "I'll call tonight." She presses a kiss to his cheek and squeezes his hand as she leaves, a content smile on her own face.

Rick turned and watched Alexis, who was bouncing on the balls of her feet. His mother, who had joined them partway through breakfast, had her hands clasped in front of her and a knowing grin on her face. He kneeled down in front of his daughter, who was so excited that he thought she would jump out of her skin, and grabbed her shoulders, calming her a bit. "We are going to see more of Kate. Is that okay?"

"Yes!" She squealed, wrapping her arms around him. She pulled away, their blue eyes meeting as she studied him. "Does this mean she is your girlfriend now?"

He laughed. "Yes, Pumpkin. Kate is my girlfriend."

And they did see her more. They still swapped responsibilities for Wednesday night dinners, but other nights she was usually at their place. Sometimes Martha joined, sometimes she didn't. Jim still liked to join when Kate hosted dinner at her place. They met for coffee before Kate went off to work, and sometimes, Rick took Alexis for lunch at Remy's. They would sit in her section, drive her nuts, and sometimes make her sit down with them for a little bit. Rick tipped her better than usual when they did that, and she noticed the number went up any time he saw her getting in trouble for her special treatment towards them. She told him one night that it wasn't a problem, that as long as she took care of her other tables, she wouldn't lose her job. She was a hard worker, and they didn't want to lose her.

On the weekends, Kate and Carrie spent the night. These days Rick had come to look forward to. They usually ate dinner and played games. Not so much laser tag, because Carrie was afraid when the lights were out. But Rick came home with three Nerf guns one day, and that always turned into a full out battle. And Kate schooled them every time. This was usually followed by a bath, both girls howling at the moon and splashing each other. Bath time with just Alexis wasn't the same, and he could see on her face that she felt the same way. After a bath, they would watch a movie until the girls fell asleep, each carrying their respective child to their sleeping place. The pack and play had been set up in the office full time, an ever present reminder throughout his week that they would be back on Friday night, working their way further and further into his heart.

And, of course, he loved having Kate in bed with him. Wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. Their connection was so strong already, but in those intimate moments that she invited him to witness, it was even stronger, and he didn't know how he could ever go back to life without her in it. And after their releases, as her eyes fluttered closed, he whispered to her, telling her how much he loved her as she drifted off to sleep.

It was a Friday, shortly after school started again,when she barged into his loft, a flurry of anger and disgust. She plopped Carrie down in the pack and play, and whirled to face him, stretching out a newspaper.  _Age is Just a Number to Richard Castle._  "Are you kidding me?" He growled as he snatched it from her, speeding through the article. It talked about him bringing his playboy antics to a new level by dating someone ten years younger than him. There were pictures of her, and her name was definitely printed. He looked up at her, at a loss as to how to help. "I'm sorry." He offered.

She huffed. "I get it, you're a public figure, but this is ridiculous."

He nodded. "I agree. But I thought we said that the age thing wasn't a problem unless you were uncomfortable with it?"

Her eyes squinted in confusion, and he realized that he was seeing this in a different light than she was. "That's not what I'm upset about."

He sighed. "Okay. But you're going to have to help me out because I'm a little lost."

She pointed to the first picture, and he understood immediately. There were tons of pictures in the article, and most of them shared one person. "I don't want her photographed, Rick." In all of her pictures without him, Kate was carrying the toddler. There was one picture with him and Carrie, the caption underneath reading,  _Is the Master of the Macabre playing Mr. Mom to Beckett's kid?_  All he could feel was the disgust and anger that was coursing through Kate's veins coursing through his. This was different than what he had experienced with Meredith. Meredith tended to prance around with Alexis like she was an accessory. She liked to take the girl out to premieres, or anywhere else she knew there would be cameras to capture their outings. He wouldn't be surprised if she had called them herself. This anger at the injustice that he was seeing in Kate, the way she shielded her daughter, he found it refreshing.

He shook his head. "No, this isn't okay." He picked up the cordless phone on his desk and dialed Paula's number. He was upset when he got her answering machine instead of her personally. "Listen, Paula. I've got Kate here with me and she's pretty mad. I'm a little mad too, to tell the truth. Same deal for Kate's daughter as the one for Alexis. Kate doesn't want Carrie's photos published, and neither do I. Don't let it happen again. Call me back when you get this." He hung up the phone and stood up, pulling his girlfriend in and holding her close. "I'm sorry." He told her again, more sincere this time now that he knew why she was upset.

"What can Paula do?" She asked, her voice smothered by his shoulder.

"She can pass the message along to photographers, some of the paparazzi agencies, and make a public announcement. It won't stop, but there will be more control, and it will happen less." He explained. "I don't like it when they photograph Alexis, and I don't like it when they target Carrie and upset you."

She pulled away. "I didn't sign up for this when I agreed to date you, officially."

He panicked a bit as she said this, but let her get her distance as she backed away. "I understand that. But before we do something that I know we will both regret, give it a week. She won't be in the papers again, not like that. I promise."

He could see her think it over before she flashed him a small smile and rushed back into his arms. "Did you really think I would break up with you over this?"

He chuckled. "You made me nervous there for a second."

"Cor!" he heard the little one yelling from her back and play. He disentangled himself from Kate's arms and made his way over to the toddler. He lifted her and placed a kiss to her curls.

"Hey, Bean! Want to color?"

She grinned, pleased that he understood her word. "Cor!" She repeated, reaching for a pen on his desk.

He laughed. "How about we go find some crayons. And Alexis might color with you."

"Lec cor."

They both laughed at that. "Yes, Bean, Lex will color with you." Rick walked with them out to the living room. He plopped her down in front of the coffee table, and gave her a few pieces of paper. Alexis came over and sat next to the toddler, and they drew pictures together while Rick and Kate cooked. As he watched Kate, it seemed like he had relieved at least some of her fears. She wasn't as tense, and she seemed to be truly enjoying herself. It put him slightly more at ease seing that her comfort level had risen.

It was while they were eating that Paula called. He didn't answer, but they all heard the answering machine pick up. "Hey Rick, just calling you back. Tell Kate that she's all set, her daughter won't be in the press, just like I do for Lex. You must really care for this girl, I've never heard you so angry before. Good luck, and enjoy the rest of your evening."

He watched Kate let out a relieved sigh, and then her hazel eyes met his. She mouthed a simple  _thank you_  to him from her spot across the table. They went back to the meal, neither of them bringing it up again.

That night, after a bath and Cinderella, he held her close, her back against his chest. He heard her breathing slow as he stroked her hair. He pressed a kiss right below her ear as she drifted off, and whispered again to her. "I love you."

She turned herself so she was facing him. She kissed him with a tenderness that he didn't really expect with the sudden way she had moved. She pulled away and met his eyes, and he wondered to himself how many times she had faked sleep to hear his declaration. But soon it wouldn't matter anymore. "I love you too."


	13. Chapter 13

"Can I ask you a huge favor?" She asked him one night, her head resting on his chest.

She felt his chest rumble beneath her as he answered, his voice loud in the dark room. "Of course you can. What do you need?"

"Can you watch Carrie Tuesday night?" It may have been irrational, but she hated feeling like she was burdening him with her child. "My Dad has a meeting that night, and he's getting his one year chip. I want to go and support him."

He gripped her tighter, drawing her into his warm embrace. "Good for him." She felt his lips press against the top of her head, and her heart slowed. "Of course I'll watch her. You still have one free night."

She chuckled. "That still applies?"

"You thought it didn't?"

She shrugged. "I just figured I used it up when your mother watched her."

She could feel his head shaking above her. "No. She did that for me too, so it didn't count."

She tilted her head up to look at him. "That, and I thought free babysitting came along with the 'girlfriend' title."

He laughed at that, squeezing her shoulder. "No, after this last time, you will  _so_  owe me."

A smirk stretched across her face as she leaned up to meet him. "Is that so, Mr. Castle?"

"Totally." She shut him up with her lips before he could make a further fool of himself.

* * *

It had been years since Kate Beckett had walked into a church. Almost three, the last time being her mother's funeral. Even before that she had been fourteen when her mother had allowed her to stop going.  _So it's not for you right now, that's okay. Just know that if you are ever lost and don't know where else to turn, God will always be there for you._  She still wasn't particularly religious, but she had remembered her mother's words when she needed them most. Now she walked into that church next to her father, who was standing tall, his eyes clearer and brighter than she had seen them in quite some time. He was proud of himself. She was proud of him too.

She took a seat when the meeting started, and watched him as he shuffled his feet up front before taking the podium. This man, who had always been so confident in front of a judge and twelve person jury, seemed so nervous now. "Hi everyone. I'm Jim, and I'm an alcoholic." She listened as the crowd echoed his greeting back to him. Jim grinned, his enthusiasm infectious. "I've been sober for a year today." The crowd cheered, and Kate clapped along, her grin as wide as her father's. "As many of you know, my goal when I first came was to be one month sober for my daughter's birthday. As soon as I had been sober a week I realized it was a dumb idea. I mean, she was angry, and rightfully so, and the thought of me showing up at her door expecting praise for being sober for a month was somewhat ridiculous."

Kate's heart fell a bit. She hadn't heard this part of the story. She hadn't ever wanted him to think like that about her. Their relationship had been so good once, and she wanted nothing more than to have it back. She crossed her arms as her Dad continued to speak. "And then I thought that if I could make it through January, I would go to her then. As many of you know, January is a struggle, and I decided that her seeing me struggle with my sobriety wasn't going to heal the relationship I had ruined. That, and she has her own things to worry about that month without adding my struggles. I didn't want to burden her. So I figured six months would be a good time to reach out. And it went about as well as I had expected." She chuckled at that, tears in her eyes as she remembered that night. She was so angry, upset and confused and yet proud of him for his accomplishment. And she knew it was probably the best time for him to come back to her. Any longer and she would have been furious, but any shorter she would have written off as not serious enough. No, six months had been perfect.

"She doesn't know it yet, but she saved my life." Her heart stopped. He hadn't told her that. He hadn't given her that indication that he thought that at all. "Many of you know that in January, my wife, Johanna was killed. That's when I began my downward spiral. I spent my days at work, hung-over, and my nights in the bar, trying to drink away her memory. And I would come home to Katie, my daughter, who I love very much, and I hurt her. It was never physical, no, I would never forgive myself for that. She wanted to help me so bad, she wanted me back, and I pushed her away. I even recall telling her on many occasions just to go, get out of my face, because she looked just like her, just like Johanna. She looks just like the entity I was trying so hard to forget." At her father's words, tears streamed down her face. She cried in her seat, trying hard not to sniffle, not to bring any sort of attention to herself. His expression matched hers. "I can't take that back. She was suffering too, she had lost someone too, and I pushed her away. The day she left was one of the worst in my life. She left, but she still tried. She tried to make things better. She came over on thanksgiving, dropping off real food and hot chocolate. We had a real Christmas dinner, just her and I. New Year 's Eve is where things changed. January was coming, it had been a year without my Johanna, and I fell back off the wagon, worse than before. That's when she told me she was pregnant. She gave me an ultimatum, a life with her and the child, or alcohol." His eyes met hers for the first time that night. "I should have chosen you, Katie. I'm sorry I didn't choose you." She wiped her eyes and smiled at him, reassuring him.

He chuckled. "That girl though, she is stubborn, and she didn't give up. No, I got emails at different points throughout the pregnancy. I knew what name she had picked out, every craving she experienced, the approximate size of my granddaughter, and every hope and dream she had for that child. And she ended each email the same way. 'You will always have a place with me, Dad. As soon as you are ready, I'll be here. I love you.' And me, the idiot I was, ignored them. That was, until I got the email that said my granddaughter was a month old. With pictures. And she was beautiful, so beautiful, just like her mother and her grandmother, and I wanted to see her right then and there." He looked back at Kate again, meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry for that night, too. If you decided to cut me out of your life after that night, I wouldn't have blamed you." He chuckled, turning back to the crowd. "But she didn't. She had every right to, and she didn't. Every month, like clockwork, I got the emails from her, and every month I didn't know what to do. So when I came here, it was for her. When I struggled, I thought of her, and my beautiful granddaughter, the life I used to have with Katie, and the one I wanted to create with Carrie. And as long as she was willing to take me back, I was willing to recover. Her stubbornness to let me go saved me, and Katie, I thank you for that."

She nodded at him, happy tears now streaming down her face. "Johanna was probably rolling in her grave at my actions. She wouldn't have ever wanted to see me like that. She wouldn't have wanted the family to fall apart like it did. Now, I picture her sitting next to Katie in the back row, supporting me, proud of me. I miss her dearly, but to see her living on in my daughter and granddaughter, now that is one of the most incredible things I have ever truly experienced. And I plan to be there through it all." He accepted his chip from the person to his right and stepped down from the podium, walking towards her with the most brilliant grin on his face.

Kate rose up, happy tears still streaming down her face and embraced him, throwing her arms around his neck and rocking gently back and forth, like she had done as a kid. "I'm so proud of you." She told him, his arms tightening around her back as she spoke. They sat together for the rest of the meeting, listening to more stories. She stayed silent while they recited the serenity prayer, and the meeting was over. Jim mingled, accepting congratulations from other members. Kate stood in the back, feeling awkward, not sure what to say or who to talk to.

An older woman with dark hair approached Kate, holding out her hand with a smile on her face. "It's so great to meet you! You must be so proud."

Kate grinned, her posture relaxing as she shook the woman's hand. "Yeah, I'm proud. He's come a long way. I'm just happy to have Dad back."

The woman smiled and pat Kate's shoulder. "I bet. I bet he's a great Grandpa too."

Kate laughed. "He really is. He's pretty devoted to my daughter. Does whatever she wants him to." She thought back to the other day, when she walked in to Carrie's room finding him in Carrie's unicorn hat and dark sunglasses, pretending to eat whatever creation she had made for him in her little bowl. "He's wrapped around her tiny fingers."

"How old is she?"

"Sixteen months, with the biggest personality I have ever seen."

The older woman clapped her hands together. "Oh, that's such a fun age! Just before the terrible twos, but still in that snuggly stage. And almost talking, oh, it's a good age."

Kate laughed. "Oh, she talks. She talks more than she should for someone her age." Even if she only got a syllable or two out, she definitely tried. "We are having fun. I'm trying to just enjoy her while I can."

"Good." She raised her eyebrows. "Don't work too hard."

Jim approached as she answered, standing next to her silently. "I work pretty hard, but I have a lot of help. I don't know where I would be without my support system." A few months ago, that support system was just Rick. But now it included her father, who sometimes kept an eye on Carrie while she was in class.

The woman squeezed her shoulder once more. "That's good to hear. You two have a nice night. Bye Jim." She waved toward Kate's father as she headed out the doors.

Jim wrapped his arm around Kate's shoulder. "You ready to go?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Rick wants you to drop by. Carrie might even still be up!" She baited him, a grin on her face.

Jim glanced at his watch in an exaggerated manner before meeting her eyes with a boyish grin. "I think I have the time."

The church wasn't far from Rick's loft, so Kate began to walk there rather than take the subway. Her father fell into step next to her, neither of them talking much. They never really had to. Johanna used to talk Kate's ear of, lecture her, tell stories, but out of her two parents, Johanna was definitely the talker. Instead, Jim was usually the quiet observer. She used to sit in the living room with him, each reading their separate books. They would discuss things in quiet voices, anything from school to sports. Even watching games had been quieter with her Dad. There was no yelling at the screen, or the umps, not like her friend's houses. Instead, Kate had enjoyed snuggling with her father. Nothing had been better or more comforting than laying in his lap, saying nothing.

Today was different. Today, she had a lot on her mind. She hadn't known how important those emails were to him. And she was so proud of him, so happy to have him back in her life. And watching him interact with Carrie reminded her of her own childhood, and it didn't really seem right to deny him any longer. "You should take Carrie overnight some night." She blurted, the words coming out before she could stop them, before she could make her thoughts seem more put together.

He slowed. "I'd like that. But only if you're comfortable with it."

She shrugged. She wasn't completely there yet, but she was beginning to trust him again. Plus, he was great with Carrie. "I mean, I'd want you to call me when she fell asleep, and maybe in the morning when she woke up. And just pick up if I call you. But yeah, we can get my old crib out of storage and set it up in my old bedroom."

He nodded, and pulled her in, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "We can do that this weekend." She laughed at his eagerness as they walked into Rick's building. She waved at the doorman as they headed to the elevator, and she pressed the button for Rick's floor. "Top floor. Penthouse?" Jim asked, his eyebrows raising.

Kate laughed. "Rick is kind of a big deal in the literary world. Master of the Macabre they call him. Not quite Patterson, but still semi-famous. So yeah, he lives on the top floor."

"Your mother loved his books."

Her face fell as he spoke. "Yeah, I know. I have some of them." She looked up to see that his face had fallen too, and forced a smile on her own face. She nudged him with her elbow. "Hey. Today is supposed to be a happy day."

He chuckled as the doors opened, and Kate led the way to Rick's loft. "I'll try to cheer up."

She grinned. He wouldn't have to try very hard soon. Kate knocked, and heard Alexis' little feet shuffling towards the door. She swung it open and grinned, adjusting the pink metallic party hat on her head. "Dad! Kate and Jim are here!"

Rick appeared around the corner, a look of panic on his face. "Alexis! What have I said about opening the door without me?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "But Dad, you told me they were coming. Who else would it be?"

Jim bit back his chuckle as they stepped inside. He gave Rick a sympathetic look. "The stranger danger talk isn't quite sticking, huh?" He jerked his head in Kate's direction. "That one was pretty friendly, it took a while for her to get it."

Carrie was waddling around in the living room, shouting because she felt left out. As Kate got closer to her, the girl squealed and ran as fast as her little legs would carry her. "Mama!"

Each time her daughter greeted her like that, Kate melted a bit. This time was no different, a grin on her face as she scooped up the curly haired toddler. "Hi, Bean!" Carrie snuggled her head into the crook of Kate's neck, and in that moment, Kate wished she could stay this small forever. She turned so that Carrie was facing her father. "Did you see who I brought to see you?"

Carrie's toothy grin was infectious. "Hi Papa!" She reached out for him, and he took her, snuggling her close to his body. She snuggled with him much like she had been snuggling with Kate, her eyes squeezed shut against his shoulder. She pulled away and pointed at the counter. "Cay!"

Rick laughed. "That's right, we made cake!" He waved them toward the table. "Come on, let's eat!"

They all sat around the table, Rick serving generous servings of Cake to everyone, except Alexis, who insisted on a small piece because she had school in the morning. But even she couldn't deny dessert during a celebration. Jim was in awe. "You guys didn't have to do this for me."

Rick shrugged. "Sure we did. You're Kate's Dad, she's part of the family, so you're part of the family." He sat down, digging his fork into his own large piece of cake. "Besides, it was all Carrie's idea."

The toddler looked at him, tilting her head as she heard her name. "Cay!"

Kate laughed, and put a small piece on a plate for her. Of course, she knew it would end up anywhere but the girl's mouth, but Carrie wanted to celebrate too. "What do you think, Carrie Jo? Is it good?"

The girl took a fistful of cake and shoved it in her mouth, smearing the blue frosting all over her face. "Mmmhmm."

Jim laughed, Carrie jiggling against his chest. "She likes it so much, she's speechless."

As they all laughed and told stories, Kate glanced at everyone in the room. She loved this, the way that Rick and Alexis had embraced all of her baggage and celebrated the milestones with her. Her father caught her eyes across the table, and he mouthed a  _thank you_  to her. She shot him a small smile, and turned back to the conversation.

Sure, the girls went to bed later than usual that night. But the memories they created, well those would last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry everyone, a little bit of a longer author's note tonight. But first of all, THEY SING AND DANCE IN THE SHOWER TOGETHER! I MAY HAVE STOPPED BREATHING, AND FLAILED IN MY BED... And what is with this three weeks crap again?
> 
> Okay, but on a more serious note, it is officially April. April is Sexual Assault Awareness month, which, as you may know, means a lot to me personally. I have a video, www DOT youtube DOT com SLASH watch?v=5fz8t8mrDe4 where I talk about how I want to change the world, by getting us survivors to start talking about how we are survivors and proud. By getting us to stop hiding in the shadows, because we are not the ones who should feel ashamed. If we don't come forward and raise our voices, we won't ever change anything. That, and if I had seen a video like mine, I may have come forward sooner, and would have been out of a dangerous situation faster, and I hope that this will actually save someone. That, and I made a facebook page, facebook DOT com SLASH ordinaryisextraordinary. Here, I have an album of survivor photos and I post articles and inspirational quotes. It would mean so much to me if you all could share this information, like the page or something, just to help get the word out. Because in my mind, this can save lives. I'm going to post this same update on all of my stories throughout the month of April because of the awareness, so I'm sorry if it bothers you.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading each week and commenting! It makes me so happy to see that people are enjoying this!


	14. Chapter 14

Rick discovered that the holidays were much more fun when he had more people to share them with.  Kate cooked Thanksgiving dinner at her house, despite her busy schedule.  She refused his offers to help, shooing him out of her apartment with the oven mitt.  “I can cook a turkey, Rick.  I’ll see you tomorrow.  Now go!”  She laughed at his feigned expression of hurt as he left her place, glancing down at his watch.  He had to get home anyway, he had told his mother he would be gone for two hours, tops, and at this point he had been out for closer to three.  He’d bring a pie, he resolved.  Pies were good. 

Dinner itself was incredible.  She had put a lot of effort into every aspect, from cooking, to setting up the places.  How she managed it with a toddler, he would never understand.  And everything tasted incredible.  Jim brought his famous green bean casserole, Martha brought some potato concoction that remained relatively untouched, and Rick brought his store bought pecan pie.  Kate cooked everything else.  And her apple pie was ten times better than his store bought disaster. 

Martha and Jim delighted in telling every awkward and embarrassing story they had in their repertoire about their children.  The time Rick freaked out because he thought a hose was a snake, or how Kate was so stubborn, that three days after she had her appendix out she was playing soccer with the other kids at school.  Rick’s failed attempt at a science experiment that left him without eyebrows was a fan favorite.  But despite all the red cheeks and embarrassment, he loved spending Thanksgiving with a larger group of people. 

All this meant that Christmas would be at his place.  It only made sense.  His planning was a bit more difficult this year, as it was their first Christmas at the loft.  He had the decorations planned out perfectly at their old place, but it all changed this year.  He glanced around the loft, his hands held out in front of him like he was looking through a camera.  That, of course, was more for Alexis’ amusement than anything else.  It wasn’t as helpful as it looked.  “What do you think, pumpkin?  Where do we put the tree?”

She grabbed her chin while she thought, and Rick held back his laughter as he watched his adorable daughter emulate him.  She pushed her red hair out of her face before turning to him to answer.  “In front of the window.”

He grinned down at her.  “I agree.”  He pulled some paint chips out of his pocket.  “Now, pick one.”

Oh, it had been hard to keep his gift for Kate and Carrie a secret.  They were over a lot, which limited his time to work on it.  Alexis helped when she could, but it was a little too big for her, and she needed his help.  Kate helped them trim the tree, and hung lights around the loft with them.  It looked like a winter wonderland soon enough. 

When he pulled out stockings with their names on them, she set him right.  “Rick, did I forget to tell you I’m spending Christmas with my Dad at his cabin?”  She bit her lip as she asked the question, the concern plain to see.  “I didn’t mean to get your hopes up.  I just know it’s tough for him, and I want to be there.”

He sighed, and tugged her into him, wrapping her in a hug and squeezing her tight.  “I should have asked, instead of assuming.”  He would be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed.  They were family, and he was looking forward to spending the holidays with them.  He pulled back so that he could look into her eyes, smiling warmly at her.  “When are you going?”

“We’re leaving on the 23rd, but plan to be home on the 26th in the afternoon.”  She told him, relaxing when she realized he wasn’t angry.  “And then we’re all yours.”  She smiled then, lighting up the room, as usual. 

“When will we show her their present?” Alexis piped up from the coffee table, where she was drawing with Carrie. 

“You didn’t have to get us anything!”  Kate spoke up, pulling herself out of his arms. 

He grinned.  “Don’t be ridiculous.  I got stuff for my kid, and things for yours.  Plus, something special for my girlfriend.”  He shrugged.  “It’s Christmas, and I love giving people presents. Don’t worry about it.”  He turned to look at Alexis.  “We have to finish her gift first.  Soon, pumpkin.”

He ignored his disappointment that night, turning on the radio and having a Christmas dance party with the three most incredible ladies in his life.  Carrie was the funniest to watch dance, her hands planted on her belly while she wiggled side to side.  Alexis twirled to the music, the dramatic flair she had inherited from his mother coming through in her movements.  Rick danced with Kate, twirling her in circles under his arm.  Her grin stretch across her face, and for now, that was enough to make him happy.  He thought he could look at that grin forever and be happy. 

The next day, when Kate went to class, he went into overdrive on her gift.  He had two days before she left for her father’s cabin, and he wanted her to see it before she left.  Most of the time consuming stuff was done, it was just the little things.  There were a lot of little things, and he wasn’t always the best at staying on task.  But he found deadlines inspiring, and this was one he didn’t want to miss. 

Alexis was bouncing on the balls of her feet when Kate knocked on the door two days later.  She wrapped the woman in a tight hug around her knees.  “Kate!  We want you to see your present today!” 

Kate laughed, leaning down to press a kiss to the girl’s head.  “Well, we can’t wait.”  She plopped Carrie down on the floor and kicked off her boots.  Rick took her jacket from her, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips as he pulled it from her hands.  “You look like you’re up to something.”  She observed, her eyebrows raising with amusement. 

“I assure you, my intentions are pure.”  He bounced like his daughter, for comedic effect.  “It’s just almost Christmas Kate! I love Christmas!”

It worked, the laughter bursting from her chest as she watched him.  His smile couldn’t get any wider, though he tried.  He leaned down and lifted Carrie above his head, bringing her down to smooch her cheek.  “Hey, bean! What’s new with you?” She babbled for a while he sat her in her high chair.  Most of it was gibberish, but she got a few words in there. Gog, papa, go, mumma, rih house, and lec.  He sat down at the table with everyone else, serving himself.  “Sounds like you had fun at Papa’s house!”

She grinned, her brown eyes locking with his.  “Uh-huh!”  Dinner went on as usual.  Kate talked about finishing up her last finals, and he watched her shoulders relax as she told him that she was all done and looking forward to graduation.  Alexis talked about her art project that day, ornaments for the tree.  The green triangle had puzzle pieces on it, the green pieces from the trees, so it looked like real leaves.  She was waiting for Christmas eve to hang it on the tree. 

After dinner, Rick made Kate leave the dishes in the sink, carrying Carrie and pulling her up the stairs after him.  They stopped outside of Alexis’ room when he turned to her.  “Okay, now close your eyes.”  Alexis giggled in front of the door to the spare room, and he positioned himself behind her to guide her in.  he pushed gently on the small of her back, and she stepped forward, her hands out in front of her so she wouldn’t hit any walls.  When he got her into the room, he had her open her eyes. 

“Surprise!”  Alexis yelled, jumping up.  They had painted the room a light purple, and Alexis had helped put stickers of cartoon birds and fairies in various locations around the lower half of the walls.  She had declared it her job, so Rick hadn’t tried to put any up higher.  He had set up a white crib in the corner, complete with a changing table.  There was a small bookcase on the left side of the room with a few books, whatever he still had that Alexis had outgrown.  And most of the toys he had found at yard sales throughout the state.  He turned to Kate, watching her reaction. 

Her eyes were wide, and her mouth had dropped.  But he couldn’t tell if she was happy or not.  She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, her nervous habit, and he felt his heart racing.  She turned to him, meeting his eyes.  “Rick.  This is incredible.”

He could see the ‘but’ on her lips, and her arms crossed across her chest, closing him out.  This was not going the way he wanted.  Did he spring this on her too soon?  “I mean, I figured Carrie deserved better than a pack and play when you two spend the night.” He heard an awful crashing noise from the corner where he had put all the toy instruments.  Carrie had found the little piano, and was banging away on the keys, shouting a song that she was making up on the spot.  Kate let out a laugh at the sight, her shoulders falling a bit as she watched. 

The relief was short lived.  As Carrie stopped playing with the piano and ran over to the other toys, he turned back to Kate.  “It’s just, what happens if we break up? What happens to all this stuff?  It just seems like a lot.”

He sighed.  They were back to this.  “What makes you so sure we’ll break up?”

She shrugged.  “What makes you so sure we won’t?”

He stepped closer to her, grabbing her hands.  “Because I love you.  I don’t plan on breaking up with you unless it’s what you really want.” 

Her answering grin wasn’t as sure as he wanted it to be.  He could almost see her confidence fall as she pulled her hands from him, crossing them across her chest again.  “I love you too.”  She assured him, her posture relaxing as she said it.  “I’m sorry I’m not as excited about this as you wanted me to be.  This stupid voice is just nagging at me in my head, and this is so much, and my gift to you isn’t anywhere near this…”

“I don’t care about that.”

“But I do.”  She glanced down at her watch, and leaned up, brushing her lips against his softly.  “I still have a ton of packing to do.” She explained, walking over to where Alexis and Carrie were playing with a toy that bounced balls around on a tiny trampoline when they touched the button in the middle.  She kissed Alexis on the head.  “Thank you for all the hard work you put into Carrie’s room.”  Her smile toward Alexis was warmer as she tucked a stray lock of red hair behind the girl’s ear.  She lifted her Daughter and headed for the door, kissing Rick one more time.  “I’ll call you on Christmas, okay?”

He nodded.  “Okay.  Have a great time at the cabin.”

He knew she didn’t mean to upset him with her reaction, but it was all he could think about.  He didn’t think it was too quick, they had been together for five months at that point.  They should at least be talking about the kind of future they wanted.  He was honest with her, the only future he had imagined was one with her and Carrie in it.  He would wait as long as she wanted him to. 

He was able to clear his mind enough to watch Alexis open her gifts.  Gifts were probably his favorite part of Christmas.  To watch as the people he loved opened what he had picked out for them, the look of pure joy on their faces as they saw the perfect gift underneath the bright paper.  That was what he lived for.  Alexis was still at that age where every gift was cool, her squealing and jumping up and down with each package she opened.  “Santa is so cool.  He always knows my size.”

Rick shrugged.  “He called me the other day, just checking to make sure you didn’t shrink.”

She giggled, holding the shirt up against her body.  It was cheesy, a golden retriever puppy on the front of it, a speech bubble coming from his mouth and asking “What’s up dawg?”  He thought it would make her laugh, so he had grabbed it. 

Alexis spent the rest of the day playing with her new toys. He made them both hot cocoa, and sat down at his desk, writing.  He had a deadline right after the New Year, and figured that while she was occupied, he might as well work on something productive. 

The cordless phone ringing on his desk snapped him out of his trance, and he reached for it, grinning, because he already knew who it would be.  “Hello?”

“Hey, Rick.  Merry Christmas.”

Her voice brought a smile to his face.  “Merry Christmas! How’s that cabin treating you?”

“It’s nice, peaceful.  It gives you some space to think.” He was silent, not sure if she wanted to continue.  “I’m sorry.” Her apology cut through the awkward silence, and his heart started beating again.  He hadn’t noticed that it stopped. 

“It’s really okay.  I moved too fast.”

“No.” she corrected him.  “You moved just right.  I freaked out.  I just finished my finals, I haven’t even graduated yet.  And I just saw myself married to you with our kids, and freaked out a bit because I’m just not there yet.”

His heart was going to explode.  He didn’t know she thought about those things with him.  “I’m not there yet either.” He explained.  “And I know you’re not.  I know you want to finish school, join the academy.  I know you have other plans first.  I wasn’t trying to push you into anything.”

“I know.”  She breathed.  “And I’m not saying I don’t want that eventually, it just seemed for a second like it was right there, and I freaked.”  He could hear Carrie babbling in the back, her voice getting louder indicating Kate had picked her up.  “I do love you.”  She assured him. 

“Ee ooh!”  Carrie agreed, and he chuckled.

“I love you both.” He answered her. 

“So, I have to help my dad make dinner.  See you tomorrow?”

He grinned at the thought.  “Yeah, see you tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you too.”  He heard the click on her end, and put the phone back on his desk.  Their communication wasn’t always on point, like now, for example.  But he now knew one thing.  Kate Beckett wanted to marry him someday.  And he wanted to marry her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM POSTING THIS ON ALL MY STORIES FOR THE MONTH OF APRIL! April is Sexual Assault Awareness month, which, as you may know, means a lot to me personally. I have a video, www DOT youtube DOT com SLASH watch?v=5fz8t8mrDe4 where I talk about how I want to change the world, by getting us survivors to start talking about how we are survivors and proud. By getting us to stop hiding in the shadows, because we are not the ones who should feel ashamed. If we don't come forward and raise our voices, we won't ever change anything. That, and if I had seen a video like mine, I may have come forward sooner, and would have been out of a dangerous situation faster, and I hope that this will actually save someone. That, and I made a facebook page, facebook DOT com SLASH ordinaryisextraordinary. Here, I have an album of survivor photos and I post articles and inspirational quotes. It would mean so much to me if you all could share this information, like the page or something, just to help get the word out. Because in my mind, this can save lives. I'm going to post this same update on all of my stories throughout the month of April because of the awareness, so I'm sorry if it bothers you.


	15. Chapter 15

Alexis could see Kate up on stage. She kept waving to her, but Kate either didn't see it, or didn't wave back. "Sit still, Pumpkin. Be a good role model for Bean." Her Daddy whispered in her ear. She rolled her eyes. She wasn't being bad, are yelling like some of the other kids. She was just waving.

This graduation thing was boring. Different people who weren't Kate kept getting up to talk. Alexis counted how many times they said the word "graduates." At least that would keep her busy.

Daddy bounced Carrie up and down on his knee. She stayed quiet for the most part. Kate's last name started with a "B" so she was in the front row. Every now and then Carrie noticed her and called out. But Daddy didn't tell her to be quiet. Instead, he gave her crayons and paper and ask her to color. Alexis wanted to color, but she was old enough to be expected to sit still.

Carrie waved a crayon in Alexis' face. "Lec cor?"

Alexis held a finger in front of her lips. "Carrie, shhh! I have to listen!"

Carrie dropped the crayon in Alexis' lap. "Cor!" She babbled a few more made up words before ending her sentence with, "mama."

She saw her Daddy grin.  “Do you want Lex to color a picture for your Mama?”  He asked her, his voice soft. 

“Uh huh!”  Carrie agreed, passing a piece of paper to Alexis. 

She rolled her eyes again.  “Dad, I’m trying to pay attention.”

He chuckled, Carrie shaking on his lap with the force of it.  “You can color and listen at the same time, Pumpkin.  Look.”  He pointed up on stage.  “Right now there’s nothing to see.  I promise, I’ll point it out when Kate gets her diploma.” 

She looked up on stage, and sat back in her chair, her arms crossed.  She wanted to pay attention.  She could see her father shrug in the corner of her eye.  She lost track of the word.  So she decided instead to count how many people she thought she could see.  There were fifty two people in the front row.  Or maybe sixty two.  But it looked like the same number of people behind the first row, so that was one hundred and thirteen? Alexis started over, thinking that she would just count the ones she could see.  But they kept moving, and she couldn’t keep track of them all.  “Maybe I can draw a picture for Kate of what I see.”  She spoke softly, careful not to bother the people around her.  Daddy grinned and handed her the paper, and she got out of her seat and sat on her knees, using the seat as a table.  Jim, who was sitting next to her, held down the bottom of the chair for her when it kept swinging up.  She didn’t even have to ask him.  Jim was great. 

Dad put Carrie down, and spread the crayons on the chair in front of them both.  Carrie stood next to where Alexis was kneeling.  She was too short to kneel like Alexis was.  She scribbled away, big balls of color all over her paper.  Alexis pulled out a purple crayon and tried her best to draw the people that were up on stage.  She drew Kate next to them all, because she was the one that they were there to see.  She loved Kate’s curly hair, Carrie’s too.  She always wished her hair would be curly like that.  Daddy told her that when she was older she could curl it with a curling iron, but she’d have to wait until high school, and that just seemed so far away. 

Carrie drew four pictures, front and back, and Alexis drew two before Daddy told her to turn around.  The graduates were standing, and names were being called.  He picked up Carrie, and stood so he could see over the people in front of him.  Alexis tried to stand in the seat, but she couldn’t balance.  She was surprised when Jim lifted her, placing her on his shoulders.  She found she liked it up on Jim’s shoulders though, and he held on to her legs tight so she s=didn’t feel like she would fall.  They called two more names before Kate walked across the stage.  “Katherine Houghton Beckett, Criminal Justice.” 

Alexis jumped a little when she heard Jim’s shrill whistle.  “Go Katie! That’s my girl!”  Her Daddy and Grams were yelling too, and Carrie screamed, not wanting to be left out.  Alexis wanted in on the fun, and she didn’t use her outdoor voice often.  “Go Kate! Wooooo!” She yelled out, and for a second it looked like Kate looked at her. 

They sat down, listening to the rest of the names, but Alexis didn’t recognize any of them.  When they threw their hats in the air, Alexis cheered with them.  It was fun to be happy with them.  “Rick, have you got Carrie?”  She heard Jim ask from behind her. 

Daddy turned toward them, Carrie nestled in his arms.  “I do.  Can you handle Alexis in this crowd?” 

Alexis didn’t see Jim’s reaction, just felt his strong hands lift her again and place her on his shoulders.  “Now Alexis,” He called up.  “You have a very important job.  You’re the tallest of us all, so if you see Katie, let us know, and let us know which way to go.”

She loved special jobs.  “Got it.”  She kept her eyes peeled, looking amongst the crowd of purple robes, hoping to see a familiar face as they wandered.  It took a few minutes of looking, but she finally spotted Kate.  “Dad, Jim! She’s over there!”  She pointed to her left. 

“Great job, kiddo.  Now, I need you to yell as loud as you can and wave your arms so she sees you.  Can you handle that?” 

She didn’t answer Jim, just did what he said, her arms waving until she thought that they would fall off.  “Kate! Kate!  We’re right here Kate!”  She yelled, and when the woman looked up and saw Alexis waving, she laughed and moved towards them. 

Carrie reached for Kate as soon as she found them, and Kate took her from Daddy’s arms and kissed her cheek, holding on to the baby tightly.  Grams wrapped them both in a tight hug, whispering “congrats, kiddo” into Kate’s ear.  Daddy hugged her tight and pressed a kiss into her cheek.  “Congrats, babe.  I’m proud of you.”

Kate kissed him back, on the lips this time, and Alexis couldn’t help the grin that stretched across her face.  When they pulled away, Kate looked up at her.  “How are you doing up there, Pumpkin?”

Alexis grinned.  “Great! I can see everything!”

Kate laughed.  “Can you see the exit?  Because I want to get out of here.”

Alexis looked around, looking for the sign with the big red letters.  “That way.” She pointed when she spotted it.  Jim walked with her in that general direction, and the rest of the family followed. 

While Alexis was being fastened into her booster seat, she noticed Jim give Kate a big bear hug.  It was a hug like her Daddy gave her, which she guessed made sense, because Jim was Kate’s Daddy.  He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head and whispered things that Alexis couldn’t hear.  She shouldn’t eavesdrop anyway.  “I’m hungry.”

Daddy chuckled.  “Good.  We’re getting food at Remy’s.” 

Alexis’ eyes grew wide.  “Can I get a strawberry milkshake?  Please?”

He laughed, kissing the top of her head.  “Of course, Pumpkin!  We’re celebrating!”

She couldn’t contain her excitement on the way to Remy’s.  Grams kept asking her to stop kicking the seat, but she was just _so excited_ and couldn’t help it!  She really tried to stop though, and Grams only turned around two more times. 

Daddy had reserved a corner of the restaurant just for them.  They had decorated it with purple tablecloths, and a big banner that said “ConGRADulations Kate!”  Everyone there had signed a card, and it was on the booth in the corner.  Kate made rounds and hugged all of the workers.  She talked with a lot of them, Carrie pressed to her side the whole time.  Alexis went up and tapped on her.  “Is it okay if I play with Carrie?”

Kate looked around, and locked eyes with Daddy, who nodded, putting down his glass of water.  She looked down at Alexis and grinned.  “Of course! She’s been waiting to play with you!”  She put Carrie down, who immediately ran to the other side of the restaurant.

Alexis looked up at Kate, who had changed out of her robe.  “Thank you!”  She ran after Carrie, who was hitting the seat of the chair like a drum and singing a song. Alexis kneeled next to her and beat out her own pattern.  One, two, cha-cha-cha.  Carrie found it amusing, and hit the chair harder, singing louder.  She stopped suddenly, and turned, facing the party.  “Lec! One, free, two, free, one, go!”  With that, she took off running and laughing to the people on the other side of the room. 

And Alexis chased her.  It was fun, and Carrie was surprisingly fast for someone so little.  But she was still a bit unsteady on her feet, and she took a tumble and bumped her head on a chair.  Daddy was there in the blink of an eye to pick her up before she started crying, and Kate rushed to his side.  Alexis felt her stomach drop.  If she hadn’t been chasing Carrie, she wouldn’t have fallen. 

Carrie’s face turned red as she screamed.  Kate took her from Daddy’s arms and sat down with her, rocking her back and forth and running her fingers through Carrie’s curls.  Alexis stood by Kate’s knee.  “I’m sorry! I didn’t want her to fall.”

Kate’s had came up to cup Alexis’s cheek as she brushed a stray strand of red hair out of the way.  “It wasn’t your fault, honey.  Just an accident.”  She pulled her hand away to rub soothing circles into Carrie’s back.  She was quieting her cries now, and Alexis relaxed when she realized no one was angry with her.  “Carrie falls down all the time.  She’s bumped her head way worse.  She’ll be up and running in ten minutes.  Tops.”  She offered a warm smile to Alexis, who nodded and went to sit at her table.  Her milkshake was there waiting. 

After everyone ate, and she chased Carrie some more, Kate opened a few presents.  She loved the tennis bracelet that Alexis had helped pick out.  Once it was on her wrist, she picked up the girl and spun her in a circle, pressing a wet kiss to her cheek.  Alexis giggled and wiped the wet spot away.  Kate raised an eyebrow at her.  “Did you just wipe off my kiss?”

Alexis laughed.  “No! I rubbed it in!”

Kate laughed with her.  “You know what I say to that?”  As Alexis shook her head, Kate grabbed her and kissed her about a hundred times all over her face.  It tickled, and Alexis squirmed all over.  When Kate stood back up, Alexis rubbed each and every wet spot in. 

“Now they’ll stay there forever!” The redhead exclaimed, running away to avoid another attack, laughing the whole way. 

When Kate opened her gift from her father, her smile fell.  She looked over to where Jim was sitting.  “Dad, are you sure about this?”

He nodded.  “I told myself that if I made it a year, I’d buy myself a new watch.”

“Mom gave you this.”

He nodded.  “She did.  But I don’t need it to remember her.  I have you for that.  I have my memories for that.  And I remember how much you loved that watch when you were little.  I thought you should have it.”

Kate stood up and wrapped her arms around Jim’s neck.  “Thank you so much.”

He smiled as she pulled away.  “I’m proud of you, Katie.” 

As they watched the exchange, Alexis snuggled closer to her Daddy, and he tightened his grip around her shoulder.  He picked her up and placed her on his lap.  She heard him whisper in her ear.  “What do you think, time for cake?”

She hopped down and jumped up and down.  “Yes! Cake time! Kate, it’s cake time!”

Kate was putting her new watch on her wrist as she turned to look at Alexis.  “Alright, it’s cake time.”  She agreed.  “But I might need an awesome six-year-old to help me serve it.  Up for the job?”

She was, and she nodded.  As the cake came out and Kate cut it, she passed it out to everyone, along with plastic silverware and napkins.  She liked how Kate and Jim made her feel important.  She liked them in her life.  And she didn’t want anything to change. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM POSTING THIS ON ALL MY STORIES FOR THE MONTH OF APRIL! April is Sexual Assault Awareness month, which, as you may know, means a lot to me personally. I have a video, www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fz8t8mrDe4 where I talk about how I want to change the world, by getting us survivors to start talking about how we are survivors and proud. By getting us to stop hiding in the shadows, because we are not the ones who should feel ashamed. If we don't come forward and raise our voices, we won't ever change anything. That, and if I had seen a video like mine, I may have come forward sooner, and would have been out of a dangerous situation faster, and I hope that this will actually save someone. That, and I made a facebook page, facebook.com/ordinaryisextraordinary. Here, I have an album of survivor photos and I post articles and inspirational quotes. It would mean so much to me if you all could share this information, like the page or something, just to help get the word out. Because in my mind, this can save lives. I'm going to post this same update on all of my stories throughout the month of April because of the awareness, so I'm sorry if it bothers you.


	16. Chapter 16

Kate wasn't sure when it happened, but at some point, she unofficially moved into the Castle loft. Half of her stuff was there, and more than half of Carrie's toys been brought over or replicated by Rick. It made things easier when she entered the Academy. She woke up early, brewing them coffee as she took a shower to get ready. Sometimes, the smell the coffee was enough to wake Rick, who met her at the door with a kiss goodbye and she left. Sometimes, he stayed asleep. Those mornings, she liked to wake him with a gentle kiss goodbye, the smile on his face setting the pace for the rest of her day. When she returned, they always had dinner waiting for her. They would play games, watch movies, and tell stories until it was time for bed. It was getting to the point where Kate didn't enjoy being alone at her own place. It seemed so small, empty and quiet. The place she had made her home had become unfamiliar, and she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about it. 

Somewhere else along the way, Carrie had begun parroting Alexis. She stopped calling Rick "Rih," and started calling him "Dad." The first time she heard it, her heart stopped. Carrie went toddling over to him, a toy tambourine and her hand, and dropped it in his lap. "Here, Dad."

Rick's face drained of all color. He picked her up and kissed her cheek, twisting one of her curls around his finger. "I'm Rick, Bean. You call me Rick."  His eyes met Kate’s, and his voice sped up as the panic set in.  “I promise, I didn’t start her on this.”

She chuckled to herself but kept a straight face.  “How long has this been going on?”

He shrugged, setting Carrie down.  “About two weeks?  I always correct her though.  I wasn’t sure how you felt about it.  I don’t want to encourage it if that’s not what you want.” 

She would be lying if she said it didn’t scare her just a little.  It was just another sign that their relationship was evolving, and that there was more at stake than just the two of them.  But she also noticed his initial reaction.  The way his eyes twinkled, his chest momentarily puffed with pride, the unmistakable way the corners of his mouth pulled upward.  He loved being called Dad.  And although it may have scared her, she enjoyed it as well.  Her child had someone who she thought of as a Dad, someone who she loved and loved her.  And relationships were all about facing the fears instead of shying away, or so she was learning.  “Well, if Carrie sees you as a Dad, why shouldn’t she call you that?”

His eyes widened as he did a double take, and Kate let out the grin she had been holding in.  “Are you sure?  I mean, if you don’t want her to call me Dad, I’d get it.”

Kate shrugged her shoulders, leaning back in her seat.  “She’s comfortable with it.  I’m letting her take the reins on this.”

“Are you comfortable with it?”

She rolled her eyes at him.  “You are the only father figure she has ever known.  So yes, I am okay with this.  Why are you fighting it?”

Carrie made her way over to Kate now, dropping the plastic orange trumpet in her lap.  “Here go, mama.”  She went back over to her little music box, picking out one maraca and giving it to Alexis.  She returned to her box, finding the matching maraca and shaking it as she walked over to Alexis, her grin infectious. 

Rick shrugged, watching the sight in front of them.  “I don’t know.  I just didn’t want to push you.”  His blue eyes met hers, and she swore that there was no better feeling in the world than having Rick Castle look at her like that.  “I’m honored, by the way.”

Carrie had picked up the triangle for herself, grasping the metal tightly in her little fist.  She banged it with the little metal stick, a frown appearing on her face at the muted sound.  Kate leaned forward to address her daughter.  “Hey, Bean!  Hold it by the string, remember?”  Carrie moved her hands until she was grasping at the string instead on the metal, and erupted into a fit of giggles as the clear sound of the triangle rang out in the room.  Kate looked back over at Rick, who was laughing along with her daughter.  “You’re not pushing me.  Don’t worry so much.”  As Alexis joined in with her maracas, Kate put the plastic horn to her mouth and blew into it.  It only made one note, but it made her daughter smile.  She pulled it away from her to nudge Rick with her elbow.  “Play your tambourine, Dad.”

His grin said everything, and he joined in, completing their little band.  And Kate wondered how in the world she got so lucky. 

A week later, on one of her rare days off, she went with Rick to pick Alexis up from school.  It was unseasonably warm in early March, and she wanted to enjoy it while it lasted.  They walked, Carrie resting on her hip because she hated the stroller.  They planned on going to the park for a little bit, letting her run around to dispel some of her energy.  Kate felt like an outsider at Alexis’ school.  All the parents were high profile, and she was just in training to become a public servant.  Somehow though, when her arm joined with Rick’s, none of it mattered. 

Alexis came running at them, her hair flying behind her, a brightly colored birdhouse clutched in her hands.  “Dad! Mom! Look what I made!” 

Kate’s heart soared at the call, and she realized that this was how Rick felt when he heard Carrie Call him Dad.  But her joy was short lived.  Alexis looked down and away, surprised at the word that popped out of her mouth.  She handed the birdhouse to her father, who praised her excellent use of color.  “I’m going to put it up in my office.”

Kate ran her fingers through the girl’s hair.  “What do you say we go to the park, have some fun?”  She was disheartened when Alexis pulled away from her touch, walking over to the other side of Rick and grabbing his hand. 

“Sure.  Let’s go.”  She didn’t talk for the rest of the walk.  Rick and Kate shot each other concerned looks.  It was rare to see her change moods that quickly, and Kate was worried that it had something to do with her. 

At the park, Rick and Kate chased around Carrie while Alexis made a beeline for the swings.  She still wasn’t talking, and was ignoring their games.  Even when Carrie called out to her, she pretended not to hear.  “Should I go talk to her?”  Rick asked, putting down the wiggling toddler. 

Kate shrugged.  “Part of me thinks she needs some space, to figure out her head.  Part of me wants to know right now.”  Carrie ran into her legs, and Kate fell to the ground, pretending to be knocked over.  She exaggerated her grunts as Carrie climbed all over her. 

When Carrie’s head got to Kate’s chest, she grinned, taking her Mom’s face between her hands.  “Mama, okay?” 

Kate grinned up at her little girl.  “Yes, Bean, I’m okay.  Can I have a kiss?”  Carrie smooched Kate’s cheek, and she stood, the toddler squirming in her arms.  Kate looked at Rick as she set Carrie down.  “Did you hear what Alexis called me?”

He nodded and stayed close to Carrie.  “I did.  I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”

She didn’t either.  But it was different with older kids than it was with toddlers.  “I have the sinking suspicion that her current mood has to do with her little slip up.” 

“You don’t think it was deliberate?”

She shook her head, catching a running Carrie and flipping her upside down.  Carrie squealed with delight at the action, her curls bouncing as she laughed.  Kate set her down and she ran away again, Rick following this time.  “I don’t.  She seemed just as surprised as I was.”

He pointed over to the swings.  “I can go talk to her about it.”

She tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear that had blown out of her ponytail.  She glanced over at the six-year-old, who didn’t look like she was having any fun on those swings.  “I feel like I should.”

He grimaced.  “You don’t have to.”

“I think I have to.”  She pointed at her daughter, who was currently ripping out the grass.  Even outside she liked to destroy things.  “Can you handle her?”

Rick laughed, sitting down in the grass next to the curly haired little girl.  “Please.  I’ve got this covered.” 

She laughed as she turned away and headed for the swings, grateful that the swing next to Alexis was vacant.  “So, are you going to tell me why you’re upset, or what?” 

“I’m not upset.”  Oh, she was stubborn.  Like her father. 

“Is it about the whole Mom thing?” 

Alexis threw her head back, staring up at the sky.  “What if my Mom gets mad that I called you Mom?”

“Why do you think she’d get mad?”  Alexis shrugged, still refusing to look Kate in the eye.  “Lex, can you look at me, please.”  The redhead reluctantly looked in Kate’s direction, her gaze directed more at Kate’s shoulder than anywhere else.  “I’d like to see your pretty eyes while I talk to you.  Is that okay?”  Alexis sighed as she directed her gaze upward, meeting Kate’s eyes for the first time since they grabbed her from school.  “You know I’m not trying to take your mom’s place, right?”

“I know that.”

Kate flashed her a reassuring grin.  “So, why do you think your Mom would get mad?” 

“What if she thinks I don’t love her anymore?  What if she thinks that I love you more than her?  She might not want to come visit me anymore.”

Kate moved her swing so that she was closer to Alexis and gathered the girl in a fierce hug.  “Honey, your Mom knows that you love her, okay?”

“How do you know?”  Her question was muffled into Kate’s shoulder. 

“Because, you are her daughter, and you will always love her.  And you tell her every time you talk and see her.”  She released the redhead, who now met Kate’s eyes as she hung on to every word falling out of Kate’s mouth.  “And you paint her pictures all the time.  She’ll know you love her even if you call me Mom too every once in a while.” 

Alexis looked away again.  “Maybe I’ll just keep calling you Kate just in case.” 

Kate grinned and nodded her head with exaggerated enthusiasm, trying to make sure that the girl really understood.  “That’s okay, you can call me whatever you want.  Let me tell you a story about my friend Maddie from when I was younger.”  Kate didn’t need to ask this time for Alexis to look her in the eye.  “Maddie had parents like yours.  They didn’t live together.  She was little like you were when they split.  She lived with her Mom, but got to see her Dad all the time.  When her Dad got married again, she loved her new step-mother.  She loved her new step-mother so much that she called her Mom too.  And Maddie felt really lucky, because she had two Moms that loved her so very much.”  Kate smiled at the young girl who was listening intently to the story.  “I will never ask you to call me Mom, it’s your decision if you want to or not.  Just like it was Carrie’s choice to call your Dad, Dad.”

“But Carrie doesn’t already have a Dad.”

Kate nodded.  “You’re right, she doesn’t.  That made things a bit easier for her.”  She nudged the girl’s shoulder.  “But I’m telling you now, you can call me whatever you want.  I’ll even let you call me Katie.  Just as long as you don’t call me a stupidhead or something, we’ll be good.”  That got a giggle out of the girl, and Kate smiled as well, relieved.  “And that means that if in a few years, you want to start calling me Mom, you can.  I won’t get mad, and your Mom won’t get mad.  Okay?”

She nodded.  “Okay.”  Kate got up from her swing and stood behind Alexis, leaning down to press a kiss into the top of the girl’s head.  “I love you, Lex.” 

Alexis stood, whirling around and wrapping her arms around Kate’s waist.  “Love you too, Kate.”

Kate pointed over to where Rick was currently swinging Carrie in circles, the two of them laughing as they twirled.  “What do you say we go join them?”  Alexis didn’t answer, just went running toward them, pulling Kate behind her.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM POSTING THIS ON ALL MY STORIES FOR THE MONTH OF APRIL! April is Sexual Assault Awareness month, which, as you may know, means a lot to me personally. I have a video, www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fz8t8mrDe4 where I talk about how I want to change the world, by getting us survivors to start talking about how we are survivors and proud. By getting us to stop hiding in the shadows, because we are not the ones who should feel ashamed. If we don't come forward and raise our voices, we won't ever change anything. That, and if I had seen a video like mine, I may have come forward sooner, and would have been out of a dangerous situation faster, and I hope that this will actually save someone. That, and I made a facebook page, facebook.com/ordinaryisextraordinary. Here, I have an album of survivor photos and I post articles and inspirational quotes. It would mean so much to me if you all could share this information, like the page or something, just to help get the word out. Because in my mind, this can save lives. I'm going to post this same update on all of my stories throughout the month of April because of the awareness, so I'm sorry if it bothers you.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey, Beckett, you about ready?" She turned at the sound of her name, smiling when she saw her friends waiting for her. Javier Esposito and Marco Bommarito had become her shadows since joining the academy. They had studied and trained together, and Kate had no doubts that once on the force, either of them would have her back. And she knew she would have theirs. 

She walked toward them, flinging the oversized bag over her shoulder. "Sorry, boys. I had to get ready."

Bommarito's eyebrows raised as he looked her up and down. "I'll say." He looked at Esposito, an impish grin stretching across his face. "Dude, Beckett looks like a girl."

Esposito raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms and shaking his head. "Careful what you say, man. Beckett can kick your ass."

Kate laughed at them, adjusting the arms on her leather jacket. "He's safe for now, I appreciate his weird compliment. Just as long as he behaves himself." 

"What's with the getup anyway?" Bommarito asked, falling into step behind her as she walked down the hall.

She shrugged. "We said we were going out, why shouldn't I look nice?" She hadn't tried particularly hard. Her black jeans hugged the curves of her hips. The red top wasn't even cut low, it just looked brilliant against her pale skin. And the black leather jacket completed the look, her favorite article of clothing in her entire wardrobe. "So what's the plan tonight?" She asked, steering the subject away from her outfit.

"There's a nice bar near my place, O'Connells. Good music, fun people, delicious food. I thought we'd go there." Esposito answered, walking next to her.

She was excited for this. She didn't give herself the opportunity to go out, so when she had brought up the possibility to Rick, he had practically planned the excursion himself. _Kate, I can handle Carrie for a few extra hours. Have a good time with your friends._ His eyes had been kind and eager as he talked her down and assured her that it was okay to have a social life. "Sounds great! Rick took Carrie for the night, so I'm up for anything."

Bommarito wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they exited the Academy. "When do we get to meet baby Beckett? I'm great with kids you know."

She chuckled, brushing her hair behind her ear. "So I've heard." And they had. His niece, Janelle, and his baby nephew, Peter, were all they heard about from him. And she’d be lying if she didn’t admit that the way he doted on them was adorable. "She'll be at graduation.” She offered, grinning at their looks of displeasure.  That was too far away. “Or you could meet her when it's my turn to host the study session."

Esposito raise his eyebrow in disbelief. "Don't bait us with that. Last time we studied at your place she wasn't there."

"That's because she was staying with my dad. You're never gonna let that go, are you?" She rolled her eyes at him, exasperated. 

He shook his head, crossing his arms.  “Not until I get to see a baby.  I’m starting to think she’s not real.”

She laughed at that, digging through her purse and pulling out a plastic bag of Cheerios left there from the day before.  “Why would I need these if my daughter didn’t exist?”

“Maybe you just like Cheerios.  It’s not just babies that eat those, Beckett.”  Bommarito joined in, snatching the bag from her hand and eating a few for emphasis. 

It was over his shoulder that Kate noticed their classmate, Mia DiSalvo, waving her hands around as she tried to hail a cab.  Kate thrust her head in the young woman’s direction.  “Hey, do you guys ever talk to DiSalvo?”

Bommarito turned to look at her, shaking his head.  “I don’t think she talks much.  She seems like a bit of a loner.” 

Kate learned early on that going through the academy alone was not the best idea.  It was hard to come to grips with at first.  She didn’t like letting people into her life so easily, and yes, she still had her secrets that she hadn’t told anyone yet.  But she had learned that she didn’t need to tell them everything, at least not right away.  “I want to invite her to join us.”  She stated, deciding not to wait for an answer, and strolling over to the blonde.  “Hey, DiSalvo!” 

The woman turned, a shy smile on her face as she met Kate’s eyes.  “Hi, Beckett.  Do you need something?”

Kate smiled warmly, trying to help the woman relax.  She had a smaller frame, and her doe eyes gave her a youthful appearance.  “Yeah, actually.  I was hoping you’d come out with us tonight.”

She shook her head back and forth, backing away from Kate as she refused.  “No.  I sort of have to do laundry at home.”

Kate chuckled.  “No fun.  You’re telling me that laundry is more interesting than a night out with a group of classmates?”  Mia’s eyes darted around, as if she was searching the air around her for an excuse.  “Listen, its okay if you don’t want to go.”  Kate assured her with a reassuring grin and a hand on her shoulder.  “But I’m telling you, this will be so much easier to get through with a group of friends pushing you even further than you thought you could go.”

Those seemed to be the words she needed to hear to make up her mind.  She nodded, her eyes set on the boys behind Kate.  “Okay.  Who else is going?”

Kate gestured toward the boys as she the woman over to them.  “Javier Esposito and Marco Bommarito.”  She indicated each man as she said their name, pointing them out to their shy classmate.  “They’re pretty cool, despite the borderline immaturity.”

Bommarito brought his hand to his chest in faux disbelief.  “Beckett!  I have been nothing but a paradigm of maturity!  I have to be a role model for young people like you!”

She rolled her eyes, catching a hint of a smile on DiSalvo’s face.  “See what I mean?”  She turned around, whacking Bommarito on his shoulder.  “Shut up.  You’re what, three years older than me?”  She rolled her eyes, heading towards her car.  “Besides, age doesn’t have anything to do with it.”

“What makes you say that?”  It was a softer voice, DiSalvo, and Kate grinned as she realized that the other girl was interested in their conversation, and that maybe she would grow more comfortable with them. 

“My boyfriend, Rick, can be really immature sometimes.  He likes to act like a kid.” She explained, turning her head to address the woman behind her.  “Which makes him a lot of fun to his daughter and mine.  And it makes me smile when I’ve had a tough day.  But his daughter, Alexis, is way too mature for a kid her age.  She doesn’t eat sweets if it’s too close to bedtime, she does her homework before she plays without being asked, and she thinks of other people before she makes decisions for herself.”  She thought back to their conversation a few days earlier, about what to call Kate, and the conflicted look on the young girl’s face as she grappled with the idea of hurting both her mother and Kate with her words.  “It’s kind of funny to see them act so different from each other.”

“Like the roles are reversed.”  DiSalvo continued, and Kate thought she could detect the hint of a smile on her face from the sound of her voice. 

"Exactly!" Kate agreed. They had found their way to the back of her car. She waved DiSalvo toward the passenger side door. "I've got you, I promise I won't strand you alone in a car with those two bozos."

"Yeah, whatever." Esposito responded, his arms crossed. "I don't want to sit in a car and listen to your girl talk either."

Kate looked to DiSalvo with a sly grin. She held onto the top of her car and raised her eyebrows, breaking into her best 'crazy chick' face. "Oh my God, Mia!" Her voice raised a few keys, and she attempted her best valley girl accent. "Did you see Marco's biceps? I think they've grown about three sizes!"

"He's like a regular Popeye, that Marco! I wonder what he benches?" Kate's grin grew wider as the blonde joined in, catching on quickly to what Kate was doing. "And Javier, have you seen him? Oh, sometimes I wish they'd look my way!"

Kate clutched her chest at DiSalvo's words, nodding in exaggerated agreement. "Mmm, yes. If either of them looked my way, Rick might have some competition." She looked back over to the boys, we're watching them with their arms crossed and eyebrows raised, their lips pressed together to hold back their laughter. She dropped the act, rolling her eyes and opening her door. "Please, what do you think girls talk about?"

The boys started making their way to Bommarito's car. Esposito shouted to Kate over his shoulder. "I'm gonna tell Rick you said that."

"Do whatever you want!" She called back to him. Rick didn't have anything to worry about, and she hoped he knew that.  If anything, it meant he would try harder, and she wasn’t going to complain about that.

When she turned on her car, the tape with kid music started playing automatically. That morning she hadn't really noticed. She'd been running late, and she hadn't cared what music was playing as she rushed over to the academy. She shot an apologetic look at the blonde seated next to her. "Sorry!" She ejected the tape, the sound of smooth jazz on the radio station filling her car instead. "You can choose something else." She suggested, following Bommarito's card to the bar the Esposito had picked out.

DiSalvo shook her head, offering another shy smile to Kate.  “This is fine, I don’t mind.”  They drove in awkward silence, Kate unsure of what to ask her, afraid to spook her.  “Thanks for inviting me.”

Kate smiled softly, the blonde’s sincerity making her heart feel lighter.  “No problem.  Please, join us anytime.”  She laughed, thinking back to the first time she had really spoken to the boys.  “If Bommarito never asked me to explain some of the law lessons to him, I don’t think we’d have ever became friends.”  They had crowded around her during the lessons about the laws, asking her to clarify, and really bugging her until she started joining them for study sessions.  “We started learning together, training together, and I know that I could trust either one of them to be my partner.  But otherwise, I might have just kept to myself.  I’m glad they bugged the hell out of me.” 

DiSalvo chuckled, relaxing in the seat next to Kate.  “Yeah, they were pretty funny.”

“You kept up though.  I wasn’t expecting you to keep going while I heckled them.”

“I couldn’t let you have all the fun!  Besides, my valley girl was way better than yours.”

Kate laughed, shaking her head.  “Oh, shots fired!”  They quieted, and the air was a little less awkward around them.  Kate turned into the parking lot, parking next to Bommarito.  She pulled fifteen dollars out of her wallet, her way to make sure she didn’t drink too much.  She locked her wallet in the glove compartment, and kept the key on her person.  She then followed the group into the bar. 

They learned that DiSalvo was funny when she got drunk and let herself go.  She could throw punches as well as they could, and was even better at throwing things back.  She took another swig of her beer, looking at Bommarito with narrowed eyes, scrutinizing his face.  “Why do you shave your head bald?”  She asked. 

He rubbed his head before he answered, as if he was suddenly self-conscious.  “It’s easier, and it looks bad ass.”  He rubbed at his goatee, chuckling at her.  “Not everyone can pull this look off.”

“So, what did your hair look like?”  She asked him, brushing a stray lock of blonde hair out of her face. 

“Stupid.”  He told her, and the group laughed.  “Seriously.  It’s wavy, so I can’t let it grow too long, and it sticks all over the place.  Shaving it is so much easier.”

“Well, I figured it looked stupid, since you would rather shave it.”  She shot at him, making the group laugh again.  “I just have trouble trying to picture you with hair.  It always looks stupid, no matter what hairstyle I give you in my mind.”

“Hence why you never became a hairdresser.”  He shot back.

She held up her hands.  “Guilty as charged!” 

“So, DiSalvo, what’s your time on the mile?”  Esposito asked, changing the subject. 

She crossed her arms.  “Not good enough.  I need to get out more.

Kate grinned, holding up her hand to catch the blonde’s attention.  “I go on Monday and Wednesday nights after I put Carrie to bed.  I could use another buddy.”

“Who else goes?”  DiSalvo asked, intrigued. 

“Well, Esposito sometimes, but he flakes out on me.”  She answered.  “I’m too fast for him.  It’s emasculating.”

“That is not true!”  He countered.  “I just don’t like running at night that much.”  He stumbled over his words as he tried to think of an excuse, causing the table of cadets to laugh. 

“Well, I might take you up on that.  I need someone to push me a little harder.”  She grabbed a napkin and jotted down her number.  She handed it to Kate with a smile.  “Call me on Monday and we’ll figure out where to meet.”

“Sounds great!”  Kate stuck it in her pocket, finishing the last mouthful of her last beer. 

DiSalvo waved the boys away with her hands.  “Now you two have some catching up to do.  So far Kate has more girl’s numbers than you!” 

Kate’s mouth dropped as DiSalvo spoke, laughing as she watched the two men look at each other, realization flashing in their eyes.  They scurried away, leaving Kate alone with the blonde.  “Okay, if you’re this much fun all the time, you need to join us more.  Study sessions, nights out, bored in class, anytime you want, really!  I’m so glad I invited you out!”

DiSalvo smiled, finishing off her own beer.  “Thanks!  I’m having so much fun!”

“Next study session is at my place, three days from now.  I’m baiting the boys with a baby, since they’ve been waiting to meet her.  Feel free to join or not, I don’t know how much studying will actually get done if I have to wrestle a toddler, especially with them riling her up.”

She shrugged, pulling her mouth to the right side of her face.  “I mean, it’s better than nothing, and I’m sure we’ll learn something.”  They laughed.  She pointed over Kate’s shoulder.  “Now, speaking of phone numbers, I think I want his.”  She pushed herself away from the bar, making her way over to a handsome man on the other side of the room. 

When she returned to Rick’s loft, she was somewhat disappointed to find Carrie already asleep.  She hadn’t seen her daughter all day, she had hoped to at least kiss her goodnight.  But she had enjoyed a great night out with some pretty incredible people, and she was interested in doing it more often. 

Rick was typing away in his office, deep into his next book, a new series featuring a CIA operative named Derrick.  He looked up as she entered, a smile stretching across his face.  “Hey!  Did you have fun?”

She walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and sitting in his lap.  She pressed a soft kiss to his lips, nothing eager, just a thank you.  “I did.  Would you be okay taking Carrie for extra time like this bi-weekly?”

He smiled at that, saving his work over her shoulder before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him.  “Of course.  You keep an eye on Alexis when I play poker.”

“I know!  I just don’t want to take advantage.” 

“You aren’t taking advantage.  I love that little girl.”

She grinned at that, the truth in his words warming her from her chest and radiating outward.  She quirked an eyebrow at him.  “Do you now?”

“Yeah, almost as much as I love her Mom.”  He kissed her then, his kiss hungrier than hers, and she pressed herself into him. 

She kept her forehead pressed against his as they sat there, breathing the same air as him, and feeling his heartbeat in her chest.  Their breathing synced as they sat in silence, just enjoying each other’s company.  She pressed a soft kiss to his jaw as she whispered to him, “I love you too.”  She rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes.  “I’m exhausted.”

He chuckled, and she shook with it.  “You had a long day.  Let’s go to bed.”  He carried her to the bedroom.  She changed quickly and climbed into the bed, her head resting on his chest.  She felt the kiss he pressed to the top of her head, and she relaxed into him, letting sleep take her over.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF APRIL! April is Sexual Assault Awareness month, which, as you may know, means a lot to me personally. I have a video, www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fz8t8mrDe4 where I talk about how I want to change the world, by getting us survivors to start talking about how we are survivors and proud. By getting us to stop hiding in the shadows, because we are not the ones who should feel ashamed. If we don't come forward and raise our voices, we won't ever change anything. That, and if I had seen a video like mine, I may have come forward sooner, and would have been out of a dangerous situation faster, and I hope that this will actually save someone. That, and I made a facebook page, facebook.com/ordinaryisextraordinary. Here, I have an album of survivor photos and I post articles and inspirational quotes. It would mean so much to me if you all could share this information, like the page or something, just to help get the word out. Because in my mind, this can save lives. I'm going to post this same update on all of my stories throughout the month of April because of the awareness, so I'm sorry if it bothers you.


	18. Chapter 18

Seven. His baby girl was seven. He still remembered all those years ago when she was handed to him by the nurse, her eyes scrunched closed as she wailed, her red hair plastered to her head. And how she had calmed down the minute he started talking to her, tilting her head to listen to his voice. He and Meredith had counted all her fingers and toes, delighted in each expression that flashed on her little face, and celebrated her milestones. Sure, Meredith wasn't around much now, but she had been once, and despite her faults she still loved their daughter.

This year, she assured him she would make it to the party. "I've missed so much already, and I'll be in town. I'd love to see her if you'll let me." She told him on the phone.

"Why would you think I wouldn't?" He asked, finding amusement in Kate's puzzled look as she listened in.

"Well, I'm not around, and I hear she has a different, steadier female influence, and you have sole custody."

"Meredith, I wouldn't keep your daughter from you. If you are going to come, than come." The recognition flashed in Kate's eyes, and she returned to her book, tuning him out. "I'll see you in a few days."

"Okay. Give Alexis my love."

He grinned. Even if he wasn't sure she would make it to the party, at least her sentiments were real. "I always do. Have a safe trip." He hung up the cordless phone, placing it on the table in front of him.

Kate curled into his side as he settled in, eyes still glued to the book that rested on her knees. "So, Meredith is coming to visit?" She asked, her thumb resting on the page of unfamiliar characters.

He studied the words on her page as he answered. "Yeah, for her birthday."

"So, she's coming for real?"

He shrugged his shoulders, feeling her weight move with him. "She said that last year too. And the year before. The question now is do I tell Alexis or not?" She didn't answer his question. She looked ahead at the wall instead, thinking to herself. It wasn't an easy question. If he told Alexis that her mother would make an appearance and she didn't come, his daughter would be heartbroken, and the last thing he wanted was to have her lose faith in her mom. He had worked so hard to not so say anything bad about Meredith in front of Alexis. But if he didn't tell her and she did come, then he'd have to deal with those dreaded words. "Ricky, you didn't tell her I was coming?" Then he had to explain himself. And Alexis was getting to the age where faking a surprise wasn't the best option.

"I say don't tell her. In the long run, she'll be happier with a surprise visit from her mom, and you don't need to worry about her disappointment if she doesn't come." Kate answered his question with her own opinion, resting her head against his chest.

"She'll be disappointed either way if Meredith doesn't show." Whether he told her or not, she would be upset if her mother didn't make an appearance. What girl wouldn't want her own mother at her party? The difference is, if she didn't know Meredith was coming, she wouldn't get her hopes up, and the disappointment would be easier to manage. "Maybe I'll keep it quiet for now, unless she asks. Then I'll tell her the truth." Because he could never lie to his daughter, no matter the circumstances.

Kate nodded, her head looking back towards her book. "I think that's a good idea."

He tugged her closer and fixed his eyes back on the page of her book. "Is that Russian?"

She chuckled. "Yeah, it's Anna Karenina." She closed it and ran her hand over the worn leather cover. The book had some years on it, and the way she clutched it in her hand told him that it meant something to her.

His eyebrows raised as he continued to watch her. "And you can actually read that? And understand it?"

"No, I just think it's cool to look at." She deadpanned, and he realized the ridiculousness of his question. He chuckled at himself as she turned to look at him, laughter dancing in her hazel eyes. "My mother actually spoke Russian. Her parents immigrated here and spoke it in the house. She spoke it to me as a baby, and I used it with my grandparents." She had a faraway look in her eyes, the look she had when she remembered better days. He hoped she'd look back on moments like this one with that same faraway look in the future. "It came in handy when I took those summer classes in Moscow. And I think it will come in handy when I join Vice."

This whole thing made her seem about ten times more impressive, making him wonder why in the world this incredible woman ever questioned her worth. "Are you going to teach Carrie?"

She shook her head. "Probably not, or at least not quite like I was. Everyone in my family who speaks it are gone. I have to read to keep up with it now, make sure I don't lose it. I might teach her a few words here and there, but she won't be fluent like me unless she wants it someday."

He pressed a kiss to the side of her head, feeling her lean in closer to him as he moved. "Just so you know, I find this whole Russian thing insanely sexy."

"You haven't even heard me speak it yet." She suggested, raising an eyebrow and chewing on her bottom lip. Oh yeah, definitely sexy.

* * *

 

Paige, Sammy, and Monica had all managed to make it to the party, as well as a new friend named Sabrina and a new boy who didn't have a lot of friends named Pedro. Martha was entertaining the parents in the living room while Kate supervised crafts at the table and he cooked. Carrie sat in her high chair, crayons and papers spread out in front of her as she babbled at the kids around her. The kids seemed to find it funny anytime she squealed, and kept finding ways to make her do it. Which she delighted in, of course, so she tried to squeal even louder.

When the knock on the door came, Kate moved to open it. Alexis had stopped painting, and was craning her neck so she could see whoever the new guest was. Rick couldn't see the door from where he was in the kitchen, but he could hear it open. "You must be Kate. I'm here to see..."

"Mom?" Alexis jumped up from her seat and raced to the door, meeting the woman there with open arms. "You came!"

"Of course I came, sweetheart! What are you up to?"

Alexis led the redhead to the table where the other kids were hard at work. "We're making crowns!"

Meredith smiled, kneeling down to look into her daughter's eyes. "They look beautiful, sweetheart!" Alexis climbed back over to her seat and began working again, looking up every few seconds to grin at her mother. In a way, it was sad, because she seemed to think that it wasn't real, like Meredith would just flitter away.

Meredith turned, headed right for him with her arms outstretched. "It's nice to see you again, Ricky."

He accepted her embrace, meeting Kate's eyes to gauge her reaction. She didn't seem to mind, though he was sure he'd hear all about it later if she did. "Same to you." He flashed her a sincere smile as he gestured to the living room. "There are other parents in the other room if you'd like to mingle. Mother is delighting them with her stories from the stage, I'm sure you have a few more to add."

"Are you sure you don't need any help with anything?" She asked him, her hand traveling up his arm to rest on his shoulder.

He moved back, her hand dropping as he did. "I think Kate and I have it covered, but if I need help I'll let you know." She accepted his response with a simple nod, her eyes darting between him and Kate. She then made her way to the living room, waving at Alexis as she went.

They managed to make it through the party with minimal awkwardness. There was one time, when he heard Meredith asking Kate "So, Carrie's father doesn't mind her calling Ricky 'Dada?'" Rick called Kate to his side as soon as he heard it, muttering some stupid nonsense about doing the cake early. She was more than capable of taking care of herself, he knew that. But she also didn't need to get into anything with Meredith here. He trusted Kate, but Meredith could be pushy. If Kate knew what was going on, she didn't let him know. She just took the cake out and set some places at the table.

Meredith stayed and helped clean after everyone left. Rick occupied the girls in the other room while Kate took care of the arts and crafts table. The two women talked, and he tried not to eavesdrop, instead jamming out with Alexis and Carrie. Carrie would bring him all sorts of instruments. Currently he was playing a toy trumpet, maracas, and the triangle all at once. Alexis had a tambourine, while Carrie banged on her drum.

Meredith came bustling in, wrapping Alexis in a warm embrace and stroking her hair. "I'll be here for a few more days, but I have to leave now, okay?" Alexis didn't say anything, just wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and held on for dear life. When they released each other, she waved in Rick's direction. She turned back to the kitchen, meeting Kate's eyes. "And I'll see you tomorrow night."

Kate grinned warmly at the redhead. "Of course, as long as I have a sitter."

Meredith shrugged. "Worst case, bring her with you. I don't mind."

"I'll keep that in mind." Kate walked to the door with her, holding it open as she left. "Travel safe."

As the door closed, Rick walked to the back of the room, out of earshot of Alexis but close enough that he could still get to Carrie easily if she fell or got into something dangerous. "So, what are you doing tomorrow?" He asked her, his voice hushed.

"Dinner with Meredith, she invited me." Kate didn't match his volume. She spoke in her normal tone of voice as she moved back to the table, picking up the discarded backs to the foam stickers. "Can you keep an eye on Carrie for a couple of hours?"

"No." She looked up at his answer, confused, and he shook his head. "I mean, no, don't go to dinner with her. Make something up, get out of it. What in the world would you have to talk about?"

She raised one eyebrow at him, smirking at his suggestion. "You. And Alexis." She went back to cleaning. "You have it easy, you don't have to get along with Carrie's father. I at least need to have some sort of healthy relationship with your daughter's mother, like you have with her." He must have looked apprehensive, because she laughed at him, the sound echoing through the loft. She threw away the papers that were in her hand and went to him, standing on her toes and placing a soft, reassuring kiss on his lips. "We're not going to be best friends. And I won't let her bad mouth you. I just think this is important."

His hands rested on her hips as he looked in her eyes, sensing nothing but determination. "Okay." He conceded, a sigh escaping his lips. "Just, don't swap stories about me or anything. It's weird, and I don't want you to hear her wild exaggerations and leave me forever."

She chuckled, her eyes dancing as the smile stretched across her face. "Oh, she's the one who exaggerates?" She quipped back at him.

"She's an actress! It's what they do!"

"What's your excuse?"

* * *

 

Carrie didn't nap the next day, meaning she was really cranky when Kate was getting ready for dinner. She offered to stay numerous times, reschedule with Meredith, but Rick refused. "This is important to you, I can handle it." He plopped himself down on the couch with Carrie, turning on The Little Mermaid, and waving her mother towards the door.

"Thank you!" She called out as she left, the door closing quietly behind her. Rick snuggled Carrie closer to him, giving her a bottle and singing along softly with Ariel.

She looked up at him, pulling the bottle from her mouth. "Pway?"

He shook his head, and crooned in a low voice. "No, Bean. No play. It's time to sleep."

She scrunched up her nose and looked around. "Mumma go?"

Kate let her play until she wore herself out, or until nine, whichever came first. Sure, it was only eight, but Carrie was exhausted. He could see it in the dark circles that were forming under her big brown eyes. "Mumma went out, but she'll be back in the morning."

At that, the girl let out a wail, sitting herself up again to study the room. Rick hugged her closer to him as she cried. This was only something she did whenever she was exhausted. She was usually fine when she stayed with him. She wore herself out wailing, finally turning, her eyes closed, so that she was closer to Rick's chest. He waited a few more minutes before carrying her to her room and placing her in her crib.

He stopped by Alexis' room. She was already in her pajamas, and was sitting on her bed, brushing her long red hair. He sat next to her. "Hey, Pumpkin. Want to come watch a movie with me?"

"It's getting late, almost bedtime." She answered him, putting the brush on her nightstand.

He nudged her with his shoulder. "Come on, live a little! And, it's a weekend and you don't have to be up early tomorrow. We can watch whatever you want!"

Her blue eyes found his as she peered up at him, the hint of a smile hiding on her face. "Even Aladdin?"

"Especially Aladdin! Whatever you want." He liked watching her act out the fight scenes, and made a mental note to find out when he could sign her up for fencing lessons.

"Okay." She agreed, hopping up and leading the way downstairs.

The movie was almost over when Kate and Meredith returned, sneaking in at almost ten. Kate sunk down on the couch next to him, not disturbing the tired body that curled into his other side. Meredith sat in the chair, watching the end with the rest of them. When the credits rolled, she held out her arms, getting Alexis' attention. "Hey, sweetie, can I tuck you in upstairs?"

Rick watched as Alexis climbed into Meredith's arms, the two redheads leaving and making their way upstairs. He looked at his girlfriend, who wasn't looking at him, and instead stared ahead. "So, did you have a good time?" Her response was to turn her head toward him and quirk an eyebrow. That was it. Other than that her face stayed blank, and it was creepy. "What did she tell you? Whatever it is can I at least explain? Kate, I promise, whatever it is, I won't do it again. Kate? Are you going to tell me?" He saw the corner of her mouth twitch upward, and noticed her fight to regain the blank face. "That is  _so_  not fair!"

She laughed at him then, dropping the façade and placing her hand on his knee. "Nothing, she told me nothing. And yes, I had a good time."

Just then, they heard Meredith call from the top of the stairs. "Kate? Can you come help us out?"

Rick's eyebrows furrowed as he watched her leave. "I'll explain it to you in a bit, babe. Just get ready for bed and I'll show Meredith out when we are all done." That didn't make him feel any better, and he stayed right there for a few minutes. But after no noise from upstairs, he decided he was bored out there all alone, and he might as well get ready for bed.

He heard the front door close while he was getting dressed. But it surprised him when Kate still didn't appear for another fifteen minutes after that. When she finally made it to his room, she undressed quickly, changing into one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts. She climbed into bed next to him and pecked his cheek. "Sorry about that, I just had to check on Alexis."

"Why?" He felt his heartrate raise at the mention of her name.

"Nothing bad, I promise!" She fiddled with her hand in her lap. "At dinner, Meredith asked me why Carrie calls you 'Dad' but Alexis doesn't call me 'Mom'. She figured that we were spending enough time all together, so she figured it would have happened by now. I think she was just worried that maybe Alexis and I don't get along. So I told her about the talk we had on the swings, about how Alexis was worried Meredith would be upset, and she decided to change that." It was somewhat surprising to him. Meredith wasn't usually that tuned in, even though he knows she loves their daughter. "When she called me up, they were figuring out what to call me. Alexis settled on Mama Kate."

"So, why did you have to check on her?"

She sighed. "I wanted to make sure Alexis really wanted to call me that. Meredith is pretty persuasive, and I didn't want to force her into something she didn't want to do." She met his eyes, a huge smile on her face. "I told her weeks ago that I would answer to whatever she wanted to call me. I wanted to make sure she knew that nothing had changed. But she assured me that she wanted to call me Mama Kate, that she liked the way it sounded and that she liked that it had the word 'Mom' in it so that I would always know how she felt about me."

He grinned with her. "And how do you feel about all of that?"

"Honestly? Somewhat terrified and yet insanely happy." She looked at him, her eyes bright as she smiled. "Does that make me crazy?"

He understood completely. When Carrie called him Dad, he realized how much he meant to her. He understood that her life would be different without him in it, and that he had to be in this for the long haul. Not that he wasn't, but now, if he did something stupid to screw this up, her life would change as well. But there was something wonderful about being called Dad. It meant they had boned, that he had a relationship with her that was like his and Alexis', something he never wanted to lose. He pressed a kiss to Kate's temple, holding her to him as they sunk down under the covers. "No, that doesn't make you crazy at all."


	19. Chapter 19

Carrie's second birthday party was so much more fun all around. This time, Kate had even more people to celebrate with, people she was comfortable with. Carrie loved playing with Bommarito's niece Janelle, who was closer in age to Alexis. His nephew, Peter, made the rounds with all the adults, delighting in the attention he was receiving. DiSalvo brought her boyfriend and his little boy, James, who was four and loved playing with Carrie's piano. Esposito, or as Carrie said, "Sopito" came by himself, but had no problems sitting down with the kids, donning fairy wings with Rick as they all had a tea party. Kate fought the urge to take pictures, deciding instead to let the moment live on in her memories.

After the party, while Carrie played with Martha and her Dad, Kate started going through her daughter's clothing. She hadn't spent any long period of time in her apartment for ages. She returns every Friday to collect mail and make sure that nothing has happened, but she doesn't stay for long. So most of Carrie's clothing was old, stuff that wouldn't fit her. She took the stuff that was in good condition and placed it in a box to donate later. She was holding a pink shirt that Rick had bought for Carrie four months ago. She read the front of it.  _Mommy loves her sweet pea and stilettos._  She chuckled to herself, putting it off to the side. Carrie could use it for her baby dolls.

It was then that she heard him kneel down behind her, his knees cracking as he lowered himself. He rested his hand on her shoulder and watched her as she sorted through each outfit. "Did you know that we've sort of been together for a year?" She could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, his observation making her stomach flip over with excitement.

"Sort of?" She responded, her eyebrows raised as she turned to look at him.

"Well, you kissed me. But we weren't really dating." He told her, and she remembered her hesitance to admit their relationship.

"We were absolutely dating, I just pretended we weren't." She countered, her own smile stretching across her face. "You know it just as well as I do."

He leaned back, resting on his hands. "I guess we were dating in spirit." He conceded. His grin turned mischievous as he wiggled his eyebrows. "Then you pretty much moved in and now I can't get rid of you."

She swatted at his arm before sticking her hand in her pocket. "That reminds me." She pulled the key out of her pocket and passed it to him, meeting his blue eyes. "I have one to your place, I figured you should have one for mine."

He chuckled, running is fingers over the ridges. "When will I ever use it?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, but I don't want you to be locked out if you need to get in here for any reason."

His smile was warm as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you." He then moved to help her sort through the clothing, laughing and reminiscing with her for the rest of the night.

* * *

 

"Alexis! You're late! Let's go!" Rick called out to his daughter. It was a rare occurrence for them to oversleep, but Carrie had been up sick all night, and neither one of them remembered hearing the alarm go off. He shot Kate a look from the island, where she was pouring herself a cup of coffee. She still had a few hours before she had to be at the station, one of her rare afternoon shifts. "This is a great way to make a good first impression. It's hasn't even been a week and we're already late for school."

Kate smiled and ran her fingers through her hair. "It will be okay, you two can just dazzle them later with her incredible smarts and your rapier wit."

"I just hope Alexis will forgive me. Did you see how angry she was?" The phone began to ring as they talked, and he moved toward it.

Kate laughed. "Yeah, she really hates missing school, huh?"

"Yes she does. Thank God. Maybe she'll do better than me." He reached the phone and held the receiver to his ear. "Castle residence."

"Thank heavens you are alright, Richard." His mother's voice was shaking on the other end of the phone. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Why wouldn't he be okay? "Katherine and Carolyn are with you, right? Have you brought Alexis to school yet? Have you heard anything from the school, is she okay?"

"Mother, what's going on?" He asked her, cutting her off, his heart racing with worry. Something in his tone must have tipped Kate off as she was watching him with worry etched into her forehead.

"Richard, turn on the news."

He didn't say anything, just moved to the television, flicking to the news channel easily. The images on the screen were hard to take in. The thick black smoke was coming from one of the twin towers, and there seemed to be some confusion about what exactly was going on. Kate stood right behind him, watching with her mouth open. He put the phone back to his ear. "Mother, what's going on?"

"I don't know exactly, I just turned it on moments before I called you. Oh my God!" As she yelled, another plane crashed on his screen.

Kate grabbed onto his shoulder, bracing herself and crying out. "I need to call my Dad. I need to call the station!"

Rick just watched, stupefied, unsure of what to do. "Mother, Kate needs to check on her Dad. I'll be here with the girls, I'll keep them safe. I love you."

"Right back at you, kiddo." She answered, and he heard the click on the other end. He handed the phone to his girlfriend, who had put on a brave face, even though her fingers were shaking. She walked into his bedroom with the phone as Alexis made her way into the living room.

"Daddy! Turn off the TV and let's go! I'm late."

He didn't really know why he wanted to hug his daughter so much at that moment. She was safe, he was safe, and there wasn't anything to worry about regarding them. But his mind kept drifting to those passengers on the plane, the people in that building. All those people who couldn't hug their loved ones. So he scooped up his daughter and squeezed her tight to his chest, breathing in her scent and stroking her hair. "No school today, Pumpkin. I'm sorry you got ready for nothing."

"Why is there no school?"

Why did she have to ask the questions that he didn't know how to answer? He took a breath as he lowered her, meeting her bright blue eyes. "You know how you watch movies about the good guys who defeat the bad guys and save the day?" She nodded, listening intently to each word. "And you know how sometimes those bad guys do a lot of really evil things?" She nodded again, worry creeping into her features. He tried to tread lightly with the next sentence, well aware that he needed to tell her the truth, but tone it down to be as kid friendly as possible. "Well, some real life bad guys just hit some buildings with planes. And it's dangerous, so you can't go to school."

Her eyes were filled with terror as they widened and tears began to fall. "Is someone gonna hit our building with a plane?" She clutched him closer to her, burying her head in his neck.

His heart broke and he felt his stomach drop. That didn't go as well as he planned. But how was he supposed to explain it to a seven year old? "Of course not, sweetheart! You're safe with me, I promise."

Kate came out of the bedroom then, dressed in her police uniform. She fell down to the floor with them, wrapping them each in a hug. Her face was like stone, refusing to give away what she was feeling inside. She met his eyes, her expression unchanging. "I'm going to wake up Carrie, kiss her goodbye, and then I need to go."

Alexis had tears in her eyes as she looked at Kate. "Why do you have to go?"

Kate smiled at the girl, brushing her red hair back, dropping her mask for a second. "Because I'm a police officer now, and I have to help get people out safe." She pressed a kiss to the young girl's forehead. "But I'll come back safe tonight. I promise." And with that she left, taking the stairs two at a time to get to her daughter's room.

She appeared again less than five minutes later, Carrie resting on her hip. The toddler was rubbing her eyes, whining. Rick moved to take Carrie from her, resting her on his hip, when Kate kissed him. If he didn't think she was nervous before, he knew she was nervous now. The desperation she conveyed made him want to pull her in close and never let go. He pulled away from her, using his free hand to smooth a fold in her uniform. "Okay, so I'll see you tonight."

"Of course." She answered him, running her hands through Carrie's curls. She met his eyes, her stony mask back in place as she prepared to leave. "I love you all. Please stay safe." Before he could say another word, she left, slipping out the door before he could ask her to do the same.

Rick sent Alexis into his office to color. He didn't want her watching this. But he was unable to pull his eyes from the screen. When the first tower went down, he felt his anxiety rise. The reporters kept saying that it looked like a piece of the building had fallen off, but he looked through the smoke and saw what they weren't. "It's gone. That whole tower is gone." When the second one went down, he was afraid. He hadn't heard from Kate all day, and he knew she was down in that mess. Carrie babbled at his feet, and he worried about what would happen to the girl if… He stopped his thought process right there. He had to have some hope, it wasn't fair of him to give up hope that fast. That didn't stop him from lifting the girl and holding her close. She snuggled in and sat there for a while, still feeling lousy from the night before. She watched the news with him, quiet despite not being able to understand it, as if she could sense his horror.

He moved through the day like he was in a dream. He tried his hardest to make the day as enjoyable as possible for the young girls in his house, but his heart wasn't in it. It was dinnertime before he flicked off the news, his anxiety rising as he realized he hadn't heard from Kate in almost eight hours. He shoved that thought away as he pushed The Little Mermaid in instead.

He sang with them, finding it funny that Carrie knew a lot of the words, or could at least make it sound like she did. Alexis grabbed a fork from the kitchen, running it through her own long red hair. "Look, Daddy! A dinglehopper!"

He chuckled at her, glad that she could still bring him happiness on a day like today. He allowed her to continue until the movie was over, and he politely requested that she put the dinglehopper in the sink so it could be washed. She complied, like she always did, and kissed him on the cheek, heading up to bed.

Carrie was still exhausted and snuggly, but went to bed tonight without as much fuss as the night before. And while the girls slept, Rick paced. Richard Castle didn't pace when he was nervous, he wrote. He didn't want to write about the tragedies he had witnessed today, though. Nothing cheerful that he wrote seemed real either, and he found himself feeling guilty for trying to focus on the good things in life. Plus, he was learning that it was extremely difficult to focus on the pleasantries when his Girlfriend was still unheard from. He was worried about her, where she was, if she was okay. So he paced.

Kate finally made her way home a little after eleven, hunched over and covered in dirt and white dust. Her hair had been pulled back to stay out of her face, and a few loose tendrils were hanging loose, pulled out of the ponytail and hanging limply around her face. When she saw Rick, still pacing in the kitchen, she found the strength to launch herself at him, her arms attaching around his neck. Her head rested between his neck and shoulder as he gently rocked her back and forth. "Thank God you're okay." He whispered, tightening his arms around her thin frame.

She pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm right here." She pulled away and led him to the couch, where she sunk into the couch, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes. "I was inside, helping people get out. I was helping a civilian get to the paramedics when it went down. I could have been inside." She clutched at his shirt, her breathing slow as she tried to slow her racing heart. He rubbed her back, his hand moving in slow circles as he kept her close.

He shushed her, kissing her hair and squeezing her knee. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." She didn't say anything else, much to his relief. He would listen if she wanted him to, but he didn't want to think about it, didn't want to worry. He wanted to crawl into bed with her and pretend that it never happened. Pretend that tomorrow the towers would be back up, standing in their rightful place and that no one would have lost their lives, and no one would have to sleep in an empty bed tonight, or feel that ache in their heart from the loss of a child. No, tomorrow things would be better. He remembered a conversation they had the first January they spent together as a couple. Kate showed him her little stick man she made with her Dad, the way she got through those first few months without her mother. He pulled the pins out of her hair, untangling it with his fingers as it unraveled. "Kate, what was your joy today?"

Her sharp exhale let him know she was struggling. "Honestly, nothing. Even right here with you I'm dreading sleep because I know the nightmares will be awful, and even though I know she's safe and asleep, I haven't seen my daughter since this morning and I worried about her and Alexis all day, and I can't get their sad faces from this morning out of my head." He felt the tear she shed through his shirt, cold against his skin.

He tapped her shoulder. "Okay. Go change really quick into something comfy and go to bed. I'll be right back."

She pushed herself closer to him. "No. I don't want to leave you again."

He kissed her hair, gently nudging her away. "Just trust me, okay?" He glanced down at her watch. "I have fifteen minutes until the day is over. Let me help you find some joy."

She moved from him with a groan, stretching her aching muscles, and making her way to the bedroom. He moved upstairs, stepping lightly on the stairs before he realized that it didn't really matter. He got to Carrie's room first. He didn't really want to wake the girl, but Kate needed it, and Carrie would go back to sleep. He rubbed her back and kept his voice low, afraid to startle her. "Hey, Bean. I need you to wake up for me please."

After a few minutes of his crooning, she woke, bleary eyed and cranky. "Hi Dada." She sighed, pushing her curls out of her eyes.

He picked her up, resting her on his hip. "I think we need to go snuggle with Mommy. What do you think?"

She grinned at that, still a little confused about the late hour. "Okay. Get Mama."

He chuckled. "Yeah, we'll go get Mama." He walked with her to Alexis' room. Alexis was sleeping on her stomach, all sprawled out. He leaned down and shook her shoulder. "Pumpkin. I need your help, sweetheart."

She rolled her head to him and opened one of her blue eyes. "What time is it?" She groaned.

"Almost midnight. Kate just got home, she needs some snuggles."

She buried her face in her pillow. "Go snuggle with her, then." The muffled reply made him laugh.

He played with her hair. "I thought she'd like some snuggles from you. She was worried about you." When she didn't turn, he raised the stakes. "You can sleep in the big bed with us."

That got her moving, pushing herself up and sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing her eyes. "Let's go." She was the first one out the door, followed by Rick and Carrie.

Kate had picked out his Tardis t-shirt and a pair of grey pajama pants. She was sitting up in the bed, her eyes glued to a worn book in her lap, and she almost didn't notice the entourage coming towards her. When she did see them, she grinned, the first real smile he'd seen from her all day, and tossed the book on her nightstand. "It's late, what are you all doing up?"

Alexis climbed up on the bed, attaching herself around Kate's waist. "Dad said you needed snuggles. And that we could sleep here."

Rick put Carrie down in Kate's lap and climbed into the other side of the bed, pulling the blankets up around them. Kate laid down, flicking the light off next to her. Carrie snuggled right underneath Kate's chin, her eyes already closed, her fist clutched around some of Kate's hair. "I did need some snuggles. Thank you so much for helping, Lex."

"Welcome, Mama Kate."

He could hear the sleep in her voice, knew that she was almost asleep, and he turned towards them, meeting Kate's eyes over the head of his daughter. "Thank you." She whispered, grinning over Alexis' hair. "For bringing me my joy."

"Always." He whispered back, their lips meeting for a gentle kiss before she closed her eyes, her arms wrapped around Carrie. He waited for her breathing to slow before closing his own, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

The next few weeks were strange.  Kate would leave to get to work at six every day, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead while she thought he was still asleep.  He would take Carrie with him while he took Alexis to school and keep the toddler busy all day.  Before the attacks, he would write while the toddler slept, but lately he just found himself wanting to nap.  Then he would pick up Alexis and cook dinner for the girls and Kate. 

She was pulling twelve hour shifts cleaning up at ground zero.  She would make her way home and hop in the shower, washing away the day’s hardships.  She would spend the next hour or so of free time with both of the girls before bed.  She took over the bedtime routine.  “I can help you if you’d like.”  Rick had offered her after the first night.

She rested her hand on his chest, her tough gentle, stopping him from following her.  “I’ve missed a ton of time with them.  Do you mind?”  Her eyes looked so weary, and distraught, but shone with hope when Alexis called out to her.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, brushing her hair out of her face with tenderness.  “Take all the time you need.”  She didn’t need to say anything else, the gratitude shining on her face before she turned to the girls.  She held Carrie’s hands as the independent toddler walked up the stairs, Alexis bouncing at the top of them.  She was up there for almost an hour.  He hadn’t read more than ten pages of his book in that time, unable to focus when he wasn’t sure how she was doing.  When she came back down, she heated the dinner plate he had left her, eating without speaking.  After that, she finally found solace in his arms, relaxing into the warmth of his chest while he held her close.  And so it went. 

On some of the harder days, she would skip the shower, sitting on the couch with her daughter clutched in her lap.  She never cried in front of the girls, keeping her brave face on for their benefit.  She still kept up with the bedtime routine, but she didn’t allow Carrie to leave her arms until the toddler was fast asleep.  She didn’t even let Rick try and take her, a single tear falling down her face the first (and only) time he tried. 

It was at night when he saw how this was affecting her.  She would wake him thrashing, calling out in her sleep.  He tried not to scare her awake, speaking her name and stroking her hair until her eyes shot open and she clutched at him.  Her shoulders would shake as she cried into his chest.  She told him about everything she had seen, only at his urging, freeing part of the burden from her shoulders.  Sometimes she would fall back asleep, sometimes she didn’t.  Rick didn’t.  Once she woke up, he stayed up with her all night, holding her close, helping her sleep, listening to her breathe. 

She was alive.  He told himself that a lot.  And even though the whole country was still recovering from that day, and so many lives had been lost, she was alive and okay for the most part.  And she was a fighter who he knew would come out of this stronger than she was before. 

At some point, after a few weeks, life returned to normal.  She returned to her normal position, still volunteering for a few hours on her days off.  Alexis got back on track in school, the nightmares subsided, and he saw a whole lot more of her as she returned to regular hours. 

It was after the girls went to bed.  He had been working on some character development while she read another Russian novel.  He put the notebook aside and tapped her on the knee, bringing her attention to him.  “What would have happened to Carrie if something had happened to you?”

She rubbed her forehead with the heel of her hand.  “Do we have to talk about this now?”

He shrugged.  “If not now, then when?”

She closed the book and placed it on the table next to the couch, turning her attention to him.  “I just don’t understand the point of it now.  I’m safe, she’s fine, why make it a conversation?”

“Kate, you’re a cop.  No matter how safe you are and who has your back, it’s a dangerous profession.  I’m wondering what happens to Carrie if something terrible happens to you.”  He heard her sigh in frustration.  She hated when people fussed over her, especially when it came to her job.  Her father drove her up a wall with his worrying.  “I’m not saying something bad will happen,” he continued, “just that if it does, I should know what you plan to do with your daughter.”

She closed her eyes, her head leaning back against the couch.  “If something terrible happened to me, and I couldn’t care for her, she’d most likely go to my Dad.”  Her head shot up and her eyes grew wide as she realized why Rick was so worried.  “And if something happened to me, Dad…”  She trailed off, not wanting to finish that thought. 

Rick only nodded, relieved that she understood where he was coming from.  “I mean, your Dad is doing great.  We are all so proud of him and everything he has accomplished.” 

“But he gave up on me when Mom died, and there’s no saying what he will do if I’m gone.”  He was glad she said it instead of him.  He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and offend her.  She rubbed at her eyes.  “I don’t know, Rick, I have other family.  My Aunt Theresa, my cousin Sofia, maybe they could take her?”

“Or maybe I could?”  His tone was hopeful, and he tried not to reveal his inner anguish as he realized that not once did she mention his name. 

She leaned forward then, grabbing his hands and running her thumb over his knuckles.  He relaxed at the movement, somewhat hopeful again as their eyes met.  “Rick,” she started, the pain evident in her own voice, “there is nothing I’d want more than for Carrie to stay with you.  She calls you Dad, she loves Alexis, and she is thriving with you as a constant presence in her life.  And yes, should something happen to me, I would want for her to stay with her family.”  She stopped then, cupping his cheek in her hand as his heart warmed.  “But you asked what would happen, and legally, she would go to my Dad.”

His heart broke as he realized what she was talking about.  “I don’t have legal rights.”

She sniffled, trying not to cry.  This whole conversation was hurting her as much as it was hurting him.  “Which sucks because you are her Dad.  I know it, you know it, and anyone who has spent any time with our family knows it.  But the courts don’t know it.  And if anything happened to me, you would be up for the fight of your life to stay in hers, and I’m sorry that I can’t do anything to make that easier.”

He pulled her toward him, his lips connecting with her forehead.  "It's okay, babe.  It's not your fault.  I just wanted to know."  She returned to her book and him to his notebook, but neither was reading or writing.  He just kept seeing the curly haired toddler being taken from his arms, calling out to him.  He saw Jim holding her, a bottle in one hand, staring at Kate's picture on the wall, sobbing into Carrie's curls.  He saw her getting placed in a foster home with strangers who didn't know about her worn stuffed elephant, or that she loved to sing Itsy Bitsy, and that she hated bananas.  He saw a judge telling him that there was nothing to do, and that she was sorry to break them up.  And he hated it because there was nothing he could do about it.  

When he realized he wasn't doing anything, just starting at his messy writing on the page, he kissed Kate on the side of her head and rose from the couch.  "I'm going to bed.  See you in a few."  

"Let me just finish this chapter, I'll be in shortly."  

The chapter must have been a long one, because she didn't join him until more than a half hour later.  She climbed into bed, resting her head on his waiting chest and pressing herself closer to him for warmth.  His hand rested on her hip as he held her against him.  "That was a long chapter."

She chuckled against him.  "It was two.  Time slipped away from me.  Were you waiting up?"

"Kind of."  His voice sounded loud in the big room, despite the fact that he was whispering.  "I had an idea and I wanted to run it by you."

She tapped him once on the chest.  "Shoot." 

"How would you feel if I wanted to adopt her?"  He held his breath as he waited for her answer.  

"Rick, you don't have to do that."  She breathed, her voice quiet. 

"I know that, but I want to."  

She rested her hand on her head so that she could see him, looking him in the eye while they talked about this plan of his.  "You know that means that if something ever happened to us, you'd still be responsible for her.  Custody, child support, everything.  I don't want to do that to you."

He sighed, rolling his eyes in a way that would make her proud under different circumstances.  "Okay, first of all, I told you I was a part of her life no matter what came between us, and I mean that.  Second, why are you so sure we'll fail?  Why don't you think we'll make it?"

She sighed, flopping against the pillows.  "It's not that I want us to fail.  But we've been doing this for almost a year and a half, and haven't talked once about where we think this will go.  I don't want it to end, I'm terrified that it will without me getting a say in it."

"Kate, the only reason I haven't brought it up is because I don't want to scare you away."  Their hands connected in the space between them.  

"And I haven't said something because you go from zero to sixty in two seconds flat, and I'm afraid you'll have our whole lives planned out before I've had a chance to process any changes."

He chuckled.  "I do that?"

“Are you kidding?”  She sounded somewhat annoyed with the question.  “One minute we are talking about what happens to Carrie if I die.  Which, by the way, is a morbid discussion that no one wants to have.  The next thing I know, we are discussing you adopting her, which is something we have never talked about before.  I just don’t know how we got here!”

“Because these last few weeks have me realizing that nothing is guaranteed, and I want you and Carrie in my life in the biggest ways possible for the longest time possible.”  His voice was louder than it needed to be, he could hear it echo through the loft.  “I have loved your daughter since the day she fell asleep in my arms in that dinky little hallway.  I have loved you since the day your drunk father showed up at the door, and you opened up to me about your past.  Kate, I love you, and I would do anything you asked.  Which, I will add, is the only way I would end our relationship because I don’t plan on ever leaving you, or your daughter.”

She placed her head back on his chest, drawing closer to him as he spoke.  “You’ve really loved me that long?”

“Yeah.”  His hand traveled up and down her back, reassuring her.  “From that moment, to now, until the end of our days, and beyond.”

“I love you too.  So much.”  Her breathing slowed as she drifted off to sleep, and he joined her, almost dead to the world when he heard her speak again.  “You know, we have to get married if you are serious about the adoption.” 

She wasn’t as asleep as he thought.  “So we’ll get married.”

She laughed at him, tilting her head so she could watch his reaction.  “That’s not how you plan to propose, is it?”

“Well I haven’t had time to plan anything!  We just started talking about it now!”  She laughed at his flustered reply, causing him to chuckle along with her.  She buried her face in his neck to muffle the sound before pulling back and kissing him full on the lips. 

“Take your time, no rush.”  She assured him before settling back in.  “I’m sure that however it happens will be perfect.”

He scoffed.  “Well, you see, now I have all this pressure and stuff.  I wouldn’t get your hopes up if I were you.” 

She smacked him on the chest, giggling again before allowing a content sigh to escape her lips.  “Goodnight, Rick.  Love you.”

“Love you too.”  Now his brain was kicked into overdrive.  He needed the perfect proposal, and fast. 


	21. Chapter 21

Rick tapped his fingers along the edge of the table that Jim had suggested for their lunch.  Each time the bell sounded, announcing that a new customer had entered, his heart stopped.  He would look to the door, hoping it was Jim, and each time that it wasn’t his heart would beat faster.  He looked at the clock.  It wasn’t even noon yet.  He was early, his nerves driving him from his apartment long before he actually had to be anywhere.  Each time the door opened and it wasn’t Jim, he felt like he lost a little bit more of the speech he had prepared. 

At 12:05 when the bell sounded, he turned and offered a shy wave to his girlfriend’s father.  He thought every time it wasn’t Jim before was bad.  Now he realized with horror that the speech he had prepared was inadequate, and in no way explained how much Kate meant to him.  His stomach was spinning like a washing machine, and he felt all his blood rush to his head as he considered bolting.  Jim sat across the table, a warm smile on his face as he shook Rick’s hand.  “I hope you weren’t waiting too long, I got a bit held up in a meeting with a client.” 

Rick shook his head, willing himself to speak.  “Not long at all.”  He wasn’t sure if lying was the best way to start this conversation.

Jim glanced over the menu, locating what he wanted and putting it down, leaving it open in front of him.  “Have you decided what you’re eating?  The chicken tenders are homemade and delicious if you’re into that, and they also make an excellent…”

“I want to marry your daughter.”  The words weren’t what he rehearsed, and he felt his cheeks warm as he looked away from the older man across from him.  He could only imagine how red he looked.  His heart fell as he realized that he blew it; he didn’t stand a chance. 

Jim let the words sink in before speaking himself.  “That’s great!”  Rick looked up in shock at the man’s words, his fear dissipating.  Jim flipped through the menu some more, making more suggestions.  “Now, I know it’s different, but the veggie burger is delicious as well, and the baked mac and cheese is one of my favorites.”

Rick sighed, blinking his eyes numerous times to be sure that what was happening was reality.  “Did you hear me?”  It was a dumb question.  Jim had reacted to Rick’s words, but there hadn’t been a question in anything that had fallen from his mouth.  “I mean, would you be okay with that?”

Jim laughed, his blue eyes meeting Rick’s.  “Did you think I wouldn’t be?”

Rick shrugged.  “A little bit, yeah.”

Realization washed across Jim’s face.  “Oh.  You were asking for permission.”  Rick let out a nervous chuckle as he nodded in response.  Jim pushed the menu out of his way, clasping his hands in front of himself.  “Rick, I’m going to be honest with you.  Katie has done a lot of wonderful work, and decided to forgive me after I abandoned her.  I will never understand why she decided to do that.”  He paused, his stoicism unwavering as he continued to look Rick in the eye.  “I still haven’t forgiven myself.  As a result of my mistakes, Katie has become even more independent and strong-willed.  And I don’t think that I have the right to give you permission.  Only she has that right now.”

Rick laughed, eyeing his own menu now.  “So this was for nothing?”

Jim shook his head, his face still stoic, and Rick felt his heart rate increase again.  He would give anything to be able to read the older man’s thoughts, just to prepare for whatever was coming.  “Rick, I want to thank you.”  He let his mask down then, a wide grin stretching across his face.  “You were there for Katie when I couldn’t be, and you helped her through a lot.  I don’t know if I can fully put words to how much that means to me.”

Rick relaxed, his shoulders dropping as he smiled at Jim.  “I would do it for her all over again.” 

“I know.”  Jim took a sip from the glass of water Rick had ordered for him.  He didn’t comment on how the ice was almost melted, calling him out on his earlier lie.  “So, when do you plan to do it?”

Rick shrugged.  “I was thinking her birthday.  Or Thanksgiving.  Sometime when we have the whole family there to see it.”

“Those are both coming up quick.  They’re right around the corner.”  He looked away as he calculated the weeks in his head. 

“Yeah, I’m trying to figure out the perfect way to do it, get the girls involved somehow.”

Jim nodded, the grin now permanently plastered on his face.  “Cute.  She’ll like that.”  He became serious again, his head tilting to the left and his eyebrows furrowed.  “Can I be there?”

Rick didn’t know whether or not to be heartbroken about the question.  “Of course!  When I said the whole family, I meant you and my Mother too.  I don’t want to leave anyone out, this is huge!”

Jim laughed then, the happiness dancing in his eyes as he relaxed.  “Good.  For what it’s worth, Rick, I would have given you permission.  You make her happy, you love her little girl, and you make an effort.  That, and I can see how much you two love one another when you look each other in the eye.  I used to look at Johanna that same way.”

“I’m sorry.”  He didn’t really know why he was apologizing.  Jim was smiling as he remembered it, only a hint of sadness in his eyes.  “I’ve heard so much.  I wish I could have met her.”

Jim nodded his head.  “Yeah.  She would have loved you.  She’d think you were a riot!” 

Rick chuckled softly.  “Kate tells me the same thing.”

Jim met Rick’s eyes once more, his stoic mask back on as he gave his advice.  “What you and Katie have is special.  Not everyone finds it.  Hold on to her, and don’t let her go.”

“I don’t plan on it.”  And he meant it.  He didn’t care where it took him, he just wanted life with Kate in it. 

Jim nodded, picking up the menu again, taping it on the table in front of him with finality.  “So, what are you eating?”


	22. Chapter 22

"Mumma, red!"  Carrie reached her hand up to poke at Kate's lips.  The little girl was fascinated by the unusual color Kate had put on them, kept trying to poke at her face.  She succeeded, wiping her fingers along Kate’s lips and smudging her makeup.  "Look!  Red fingers, Mumma!"

Kate grabbed a washcloth from the edge of the sink and wiped off the waxy residue from her daughter's little finger. "I see that, Bean!  That's pretty silly, huh?"  She fixed her face, laughing to herself about how much longer it took to do this with a toddler around. 

The girl let out a forced laugh, her brown eyes meeting Kate's, and a cheesy grin stretched across her chubby face.  "Yeah.  Silly."  She picked up the discarded makeup brush next to her and copied her mother's earlier movements, brushing foundation on her cheeks.  "Daddy go?"

"Daddy is at his house, but we'll see him soon."  Kate answered, picking the girl up from her perch on the sink and putting her on the floor.  It was the first time she had been back to her apartment in a while, and she was really only there to get ready.  She found the perfect dress for her birthday dinner about a month ago, on sale, and had left it at her place to surprise him.  It was a nice maroon color and came off her shoulders to show off her collar bones.  The skirt ended at her knees.  She put one more bobby pin in her hair and chased after her daughter, closing the bathroom door behind her as she went.  “Okay Carrie, what do you say we get some clothes on you?”

“No.”  She plopped herself down in front of her bookshelf and started pulling books down in a pile around her.  She held one up.  “Bugs!”  Sure enough, the cover had all sorts of brightly colored bugs all around it. 

“Yes Bean, that’s your bug book.”  She took the opportunity to slide a barrette into Carrie’s curls, pulling some of the hair out of her face.  “Now, don’t you want to put on your pretty dress?”

“No.  Never ever.”  Carrie scrunched her face, her nose wrinkling and her eyebrows drawn together in fake anger.  “Books Mumma.  No bye-bye.”

“We do have to go bye-bye.  We have to go to dinner with Daddy.  Grams and Papa will be there too.”  But despite Kate reasoning with her, the toddler didn’t want to move.  Kate rolled her eyes, and laughed at herself as she realized how please her mother would be.  _Katie, one day you will have a kid who is just like you, and you will know exactly what you put me through._   She had always brushed it off, never thinking she was that bad.  But her stubborn daughter showed her every day what she was like as a kid, and Kate now knew exactly what her mother was talking about. 

When they heard the knock at the door, and Rick calling out to them as it opened, Carrie jumped up, throwing her hands in the air with joy.  “Dada back!”  She ran to the door, dressed only in a diaper, her curls bouncing around her shoulders.  Rick leaned down and lifted her up, kissing her cheeks with a playfulness that made her laugh and Kate’s heart melt.  He studied Kate, his eyes traveling up and down as he admired her outfit, lingering at her legs for bit before they came back up and settled on her face. 

“You look amazing.”  The words took a while to come out of his mouth, like he was searching for the right ones.  It made her laugh.  He was a novelist, words were his specialty.  But somehow she managed to make him forget all about them, and that made her oddly proud. 

“Thanks.”  She did an obligatory twirl and then sauntered up to him.  “You look very nice.”  She smoothed the lapels of his jacket before pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.  “Now if I could just get my daughter dressed, that would be great.”

“Oh, I have the perfect outfit!”  He hugged Carrie close and wiggled her.  “Let’s go get changed, okay Bean?”

“Okay Dada.”

Kate laughed.  “I have a dress picked out for her, I hung it off the crib.  If you don’t mind getting her dressed, of course.”  Carrie did seem to be listening better to Rick, and she did have a few things to tweak.

“I don’t mind, but Alexis picked out these matching outfits, and we were hoping Carrie could wear hers tonight.”  He held up a bag in his hand that she hadn’t noticed.  “If that’s okay, of course.”

Alexis bounced on the balls of her feet.  “Mine has blue leggings and a red shirt, and Carrie’s has red leggings with a blue shirt.  We’ll look like real sisters!  Please Mama Kate?” 

The outfit was cute.  Alexis’s pullover had white polka dots and a hood with a little pom-pom.  And she couldn’t deny the little girl who was so excited to dress alike like normal sisters.  “As long as she doesn’t go in just a diaper, she can wear whatever she’d like.”  At that the two Castles cheered as they raced toward the bedroom, slamming the door behind them.  Kate heard giggling coming from the other side and grinned. 

When everyone was dressed, Rick led them out front, where a limo was waiting for them.  He opened the door, gesturing for them to get in.  “After you, miladys.” Kate was happy and somewhat surprised to see a car seat hooked up and ready for Carrie. 

Carrie pointed up at the ceiling.  “Look Mumma!  Colors!”  There were lights in the ceiling, fiber-optics, which changed color every few seconds.  “Winkle winkle star! Huh-huh onder what are!”

Rick sat next to Kate and signaled to the driver as Carrie sang her song.  When she did, everyone clapped and she grinned, taking in all the attention she could get.  “Great job, Carrie!  The lights do kind of look like stars, huh?”  She turned and met Rick’s brilliant blue eyes, which were staring past her, out into space.  “You didn’t have to do all this you know.” 

He snapped back to reality, his arm snaking around her so his thumb could rub circles into her side.  “Why wouldn’t I?  It’s your birthday, and you deserve to get spoiled.”

At first, him spending this kind of money on her was embarrassing.  She just felt guilty that she could never repay him.  Now it had become more normal, and she had learned to repay him by just being there for him when he needed it.  That didn’t keep her from blushing every time he did something extravagant for her.  She leaned her head on his shoulder, watching the ceiling the same way her daughter was.  “Thank you.”

Martha and her Father were already waiting at the restaurant, each of them sipping from their waters as they waved the group over.  Martha jumped up first to hug Kate, wrapping her arms around the younger woman’s neck and swinging her back and forth.  “Happy birthday Katherine!  I hope it has been incredible so far.”

Kate pulled away, her grin stretching wider at Martha’s enthusiasm.  “It was, thank you.”

Her Father got up and hugged her as well, pressing a sweet kiss to her cheek as he led her to her seat.  “Happy birthday Katie.”

“Thanks Dad.”  She put Carrie down in the booster seat and started to take off the blue sweatshirt. 

Rick’s eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his sockets.  “Don’t take it off!”  She raised her eyebrows at him, questioning him silently.  He only shrugged in response.  “It’s a little cold in here, don’t you think?  Besides, it took forever to get her dressed and you want to undress her now?”

She lifted her hands up where he could see them as she lowered herself into her chair.  “Fine.  I won’t take it off.”  It seemed odd, and she couldn’t help noticing that now everyone at the table was watching her, worried looks etched into their faces.  It made her skin crawl.  “So, what does everyone want to eat?”  She asked, changing the subject as she looked down at her menu. 

After they had all ordered, things returned to normal.  Rick talked about his new book, Alexis talked about school, and Jim started a debate about his latest case.  When Martha tired of the legal talk, she turned to Kate, grabbing her hand and squeezing it.  “So, what did you do on your special day today?”

Kate shrugged.  “It was kind of normal.  I made pancakes for everyone this morning.”

“You cooked for everyone else?”  Martha asked, horrified.  She turned to her son.  “Richard, where did I go wrong?”

“I…  she wanted to… you didn’t do anything wrong!  You try convincing her not to do something she’s set her mind to, and then we’ll talk.”  Jim and Kate laughed at his flustered response.  He didn’t do anything wrong, something she assured him time and time again before she started cooking. 

“I insisted I cook.  I made chocolate chip pancakes with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, strawberries, and whip cream.”  Kate’s mouth was watering just thinking about them, and she found herself looking for their food. 

“That sounds more like dessert than breakfast.”  Martha laughed, looking toward her son again.  “You hold on to this one, Richard.”

Kate giggled as he turned a bright red, shooting his mother a look that could kill.  But Martha didn’t see it, and had instead turned her attention back to Kate.  “My Mom used to make those pancakes for me every year for my birthday.  Now I like to make them for myself.”  She was interrupted by the arrival of their food.  She didn’t even wait when the dish was placed in front of her, she just dug in.

“Did the girls do anything special?”  Jim asked, trying to keep the conversation moving. 

Kate nodded as she swallowed another mouthful of food.  “Yes.  Alexis gave me a handprint flower with her picture in it, and Carrie drew me a picture that is either a cat or a frog depending on when you ask her.” 

Upon hearing her name, Carrie bounced in her seat.  “Frog.  Ribbit, ribbit!” 

That earned her a laugh from the table.  Alexis leaned over, a mischievous look on her face.  “Carrie, what does an elephant say?”

Carrie blew up her cheeks, turning them red before letting out all of the air and yelling “Boooooo!” for all the restaurant to hear.  Alexis erupted into a fit of giggles.  The elephant was her favorite thing to have Carrie imitate. 

They spent the next portion of dinner asking Carrie to make animal noises.  Sometimes she mixed them up, making herself laugh when they questioned her and called her crazy.  Kate talked about starting investigative work, and how she hoped it would put her on the right track to becoming a detective.  “I can speak Russian, which is helpful when it comes to infiltrating a few of these groups.”  She explained, Martha hanging on her every word while her father cringed in the corner. 

“Second languages are always a good skill to have.  Unless they’re dead, that is.”  She teased her son, her lips tightly pressed together as she awaited his retort. 

“Latin is useful, Mother!”

She shrugged.  “So you keep telling me, but I haven’t heard you converse with a single person in Latin.”  He only rolled his eyes and shook his head, returning to his dessert. 

Carrie was getting restless by the time they finished and Rick had paid.  She had done so well and Kate was so proud.  It was a long time to sit for someone who always wanted to explore.  Kate stood up, lifting her daughter and softly kissing her curls.  “What do you think, Bean.  Time to go?”

Rick jumped up then, his digital camera in his hand.  “Can we just take a family photo first?  I don’t think we have one of those.” 

Millions of photos flashed in Kate’s mind, and she was surprised to find that she thought he was right.  There were plenty of pictures of the girls, and each of them with the girls, but she didn’t remember ever posing for one of them all together.  “Yeah.  I think we need to remedy that.”

He passed the camera to Martha.  “Mother, will you do the honors?”

She grinned, standing and walking around the table to get a better view of them.  “I’d be delighted.”  She directed Kate to sit in the chair, front and center.  “Now, give the baby to Richard.”  Kate did as she was asked, lifting her daughter above her head where Rick was waiting to take her.  “Now, Alexis, I want you to stand next to Kate, but just a little behind the chair.”  Martha nudged the girl a few times, getting her position spot on.  Kate could hear rustling behind her, and more giggles from the youngest redhead.  She started to turn and see what was so funny, but Martha shouted at her.  “Kate!  No, Kathrine, I need you to look at me.  Let me see how the light is hitting you.”

Kate let out a nervous chuckle.  Something had to be up.  They were all acting so strange.  “It doesn’t have to be photo studio quality, Martha.  It’s just a family picture.”

Martha raised her eyebrows once, her head shaking at the thought.  “When you see this picture, you are going to wish you didn’t say that.”  Kate swallowed the lump in her throat.  What were they up to?  She half wanted to turn around and look, but at the same time was afraid to ruin the surprise.  Martha held up her hand.  “Is everybody ready?”

“Yes!”  Came the chorus from behind her. 

“Okay.  On three, say ‘cheese!’  One, two, three.”  She snapped the picture, a knowing grin creeping across her face.  Even her Father couldn’t contain his glee as he watched on, his usual stoic appearance gone and joy etched into his features for the first time in years.  Martha walked toward them, handing the camera back to Rick.  “What do you think?  Is that one good or do you need another?”

She could hear his voice shaking behind her as he answered.  “It’s perfect.  Kate, what do you think?” 

He handed the camera down to her.  She could feel her anxiety rising o her chest as she turned it so she could see the screen.  The first thing she noticed was the girl’s shirts.  They had changed color, and were now bright yellow.  Carrie was sitting in Rick’s arms like a swing on Kate’s right.  The red letters on her shirt in big capital letters read ‘WILL YOU PLEASE’.  Her tongue was sticking out between her teeth and her eyes were scrunched shut as she tried to smile.  On Kate’s left, Alexis was also grinning, her shoulders hunched up in anticipation.  Her shirt read ‘MARRY DADDY?’ in the same red capital letters.  Kate turned her head to look at rick, who was now on one knee next to her, Carrie resting on that knee.  “Are you serious right now?”  She asked him, her voice cracking as the joy in her chest tried to escape. 

He let out a sharp breath as he offered her a shy grin.  “This is the most serious thing I’ve ever done.”  He reached for her hand, squeezing it tight as he spoke.  “Kate, I love you.  You are the most incredible woman I have ever met.  You are a mystery, even to this day, but every day I learn a new piece of evidence that helps me learn more about you.  And I want to do that with you for the rest of our lives.  I would be honored if you would allow me to call you my wife.”  He tapped Carrie’s arm with his other hand and whispered into her ear.  “Give it to Mumma now.”

Carrie thrust out her hand, making contact with her mother’s and dropping the white-gold ring into Kate’s palm.  “Look Mumma! Pretty ring!”

Her heart had stopped, or at least that’s what it felt like.  She wasn’t expecting this today.  They had talked about it a few more times since he had brought up the adoption, but she still thought they were at least another month away.  She was expecting a Christmas proposal, not a birthday one.  None of that changed how she felt though, the joy that was bursting from her chest, the elation that made her want to dance, and the eagerness to get started with the next chapter of their lives.  She slid the ring on her own finger, meeting his eyes once more.  “Yes.  I will marry you.”  She captured his face between her hands then, pulling him close to her their lips meeting in a passionate kiss that made all the intense emotions she was feeling increase tenfold.  Around them the guests cheered, their family hugged, and her Father cried.  She didn’t even want Rick to try and top this next year, there wouldn’t be a point.


	23. Chapter 23

"So," Rick started as he stretched tin foil over the Thanksgiving turkey, "what kind of traditions do you have for Christmas?" He was determined to start this year differently, instead of just assuming she would go along with all of his plans.

She grinned as her mind drifted far away. "Well, we always went up to my Father's cabin for Christmas. We would go ice skating on the lake, and sing carols by the fire until midnight. My Mom played guitar and we each belted out our favorite verses." She looked at him then, her eyes shining with happiness. "You know, there is something entirely magical about singing music by the fire, three voices in harmony making everything sound beautiful no matter how off key we got. It was my favorite part of the holidays."

Rick grinned as she described the scene, his own heart aching to experience something like that. "It sounds magical. What was your favorite?"

She chuckled. "Joy to the World. I don't know why, I never could hit the high notes." She was laughing openly, reminiscing her childhood. Rick was learning that her childhood was rich with imagination and love, and it showed in the ways that she interacted with her own child. "My Mom was a fan of O Christmas Tree, and my Dad loved Silent Night."

"I bet that sounded amazing."

She nodded as she rearranged items in the fridge. "It was always the song we ended the night with. It was kind of eerie to sing at midnight, and yet somehow hauntingly beautiful."

"That sounds amazing."

"It was." Her answer came from inside the fridge, her voice laced with a melancholy that meant she was missing her Mom. She pulled herself out of the fridge, leaning against the counter to look at him. "You know, last year was different without Mom. It was sad without her voice there with us, leading us from one song to the next." She looked toward the living room, where her father and his mother were keeping the two girls occupied. "But it was exciting at the same time, because we had someone new there, bringing her own voice to the songs, trying to play along with me, and just breathing new life into our old traditions. She made it fun no matter how sad it was."

His eyes flicked to the toddler, who was dancing with Alexis as Martha played an old show tune on the piano. She was copying the older girl's moves to the best of her ability, lighting up the room with her toothy grin. "She's pretty good at having fun. Who know, maybe a little bit of your Mom lives on in her."

She chuckled, her eyes glued to her daughter. "I like to think that sometimes." She focused her attention back on him. "Christmas mornings were even better. My grandparents would come to open presents with us in the mornings. And my Gram and my Mom cooked breakfast together. It was probably the only time I ever saw them getting along."

Rick laughed, leaning against the island and facing her as they talked. "The way you talk about your mom, I just thought everyone got along with her."

Her loose curls bounced as she waved her head back and forth. "My Gram couldn't stand her! They fought all the time."

"About what?"

She heaved her shoulders up and down. "About everything. What she was feeding us.

Where she went shopping. Sending me to public school." Her eyes grew wide as she remembered more. "The day she heard me speaking Russian was not pretty. She swore we were only using it to say awful things about her and my father behind their backs."

He shook his head at the ignorant thought, but something glinting in her eye made him wonder. "Were you?"

"Of course not! I would never badmouth my Dad!" Her smirk did nothing to hide the fact that she had left her grandmother out of that statement, and Rick couldn't help but laugh out loud at her. "Let's just say that I never spoke Russian around her again."

He moved to cover some of the pies, pulling out some Saran Wrap and working hard to make sure it didn't tangle. "Sounds like things were never good between them."

She shook her head, taking the pies from him as he covered them and placing them next to the fridge. "Nope. My Gram hated my Mom from the day they met." His eyebrow raised, a silent way of asking her to continue. She saw it quirk upward and laughed at him, leaning back against the counter as she continued her story. "Well, my Dad came from money. Him going to law school was never a question or a problem. On the other hand, my Mom's parents were immigrants. They worked really hard to make ends meet, and my Mom never wanted for anything, but they didn't have the money left over to send her to college, let alone law school." Her hand came up to brush a loose curl behind her ear. "So she did a ton of odd jobs all through high school and saved her money, all while keeping her grades up high so she could apply for scholarships. She worked every semester while she was at school, putting the money away for the next semester's tuition. I have to say, I think I got my work ethic from her."

"Sounds like it." He agreed. She worked too hard sometimes, burning herself out. She had been spending more and more time at the station, away from them, working cases. She was well on her way to becoming a Detective.

"And as much as I admired that about her, my Grandmother hated it. She never felt like my Mom was good enough for my Dad." She shrugged. "It seemed silly to me, to worry about social classes. It seemed so archaic. But they always managed to put their differences aside for a few days over the holidays." She grinned again, her eyes far away. "They stayed for three days with us. The day after Christmas, my cousins would come up and we played a huge game of ice hockey." Her face turned sad all of a sudden, and he moved toward her instinctively, ready to comfort her. She shook her head at him, holding her hand up to stop him. "It used to be my favorite time of year, you know?"

Rick nodded, moving close to her and covering her hand with his own, invading her personal space despite her previous indication to slow down. "I can't even imagine how conflicted you feel." Her sad smile let him know that she heard him, and her other hand came up to wipe her eye. "What I'm trying to do is figure out what your plans are this year, instead of just expecting you to spend the holidays with me."

She turned to him, opening herself up and wrapping her arms around his neck. Her hazel eyes met his, searching his face for any hints about his feelings. "I mean, I want to spend the holidays with you. But I also don't think I'm ready to give up on my traditions."

His heart ached as she spoke. He wanted to share the holidays with her. He didn't like celebrating separately last year, and wasn't looking forward to it again. But he worked his hardest to make sure that his hurt didn't show on his face. "Okay. It sounds amazing, I get why you wouldn't want to miss out on any of that."

She leaned up, pressing a soft kiss to his lips in thanks. When she pulled away, the soft smile on her face reassured him that he was doing the right thing. He would support her through so many crazy things just to see that smile on her face some more. She raised one of her eyebrows, tilting her head as she grinned. "What about you, Rick, what are some of your traditions?"

He smiled, the happy memories filling his mind and transporting him back in time. "We didn't have much growing up, but my Mom always went to great lengths to make sure that Christmas was magical for me." He started, watching her face light up as she listened to every word. "I don't know how long she saved, but it was always extravagant, and always over the top."

She let out a chuckle at that, her eyes dancing as she looked over toward Martha, who was busy showing Alexis how to ballroom dance while Carrie banged on the piano keys. "Somehow that doesn't really surprise me."

"Yeah, I never grew tired of it." He laughed. "Seeing how much effort she put into making Christmas great, no matter how much she was struggling, is something that still admires me to this day. It kills me that there are so many kids out there that don't get that opportunity." She nodded, her eyes flashing again to their family. They were all lucky. They didn't experience the struggle of living paycheck to paycheck. "That's why the first thing I do is take Alexis on a shopping spree. I tell her to pick out ten toys, all for girls from age one to age ten. I take care of the boys. And we donate them all."

Her eyebrows raised in admiration as he spoke. "That's a wonderful thing to teach her. It must be fun."

He chuckled. "It can be. She picks out some really odd things sometimes."

"Let me guess, notebooks so they can do their homework?" She teased, not far off the mark.

He shook his head. "No, she tried that once and I told her that the presents had to be fun, like art sets and baby dolls, not school related." He watched the other room with her for a bit. Alexis was dancing on Jim's feet while Martha played piano with Bean. She was trying to teach the toddler notes, but Carrie wasn't interested in learning. She just banged away at the keys, the sound loud and jarring, laughing the whole time. "We usually do that shopping trip in early December. You and Carrie could join us if you'd like."

"We'd like that. Carrie can help Alexis with the girly toys, and I'll help you find all the cool action figures."

"You think you can find cooler ones than me?" He challenged.

The playful arch of her brow told him that she accepted the challenge. "I guess we'll find out."

He nodded once, placating her. "Whatever you say." However, something in the gleam of her eye only reinforced the idea that she would find the better ones, and he forced himself to ignore it. "You saw my decorations last year, I like to go all out. Alexis makes me a new ornament every year, and I always hang them somewhere special." He changed subjects, ignoring the smug grin on his fiancée's face. He looked toward the living room area again, making sure that little ears couldn't hear him as he lowered his voice. "And I know a guy who dresses as Santa and comes up to visit on Christmas Eve. He always brings one present that Alexis is allowed to open then. I'll do that until she stops believing, which I hope she doesn't do for a while."

"She still believes in Santa?" Kate asked, her voice a whisper so she wouldn't catch the attention of the redhead.

Rick was confused by her outburst. "Yeah, she's seven. Why wouldn't she?"

Kate's sheepish look made him regret his question. "I stopped believing when I was three."

"What?" His shout got the attention of the rest of the family. After assuring them that he was fine and making sure that they were all occupied by their previous activities, he turned back to the brunette in front of him. "Three? Why?"

She heaved her shoulders up and down. "We didn't have a chimney."

He reached for her then, embracing her as if he was comforting her lost childhood. He chuckled as she settled into him. "You've always been a skeptic, huh?"

He felt her shoulders shake as she laughed into his chest. When they pulled away, she crossed her arms across her chest. "Knowing you, you probably believed until you were ten."

"Twelve." He registered her look of shock, and she searched his face to find out if he was joking. When she didn't see anything, she clamped her mouth shut, allowing him to continue. "My Mom wanted me to hold on to my childhood for as long as possible, and she didn't tell me the truth until I came to her ready to hear it. Sometimes I think that was great, and I want to do that for Alexis. Sometimes I think of the full on fist fights I got in with kids who tried to tell me I was wrong though and wish she had told me a little sooner."

She let out a chuckle. "Fist fights? Wow. When you believe something, you really believe it!"

He responded with an eye roll that she would be proud of. "Anyway, Alexis and I make reindeer food on Christmas Eve and spread it around the city block, and up on the roof. She gets to open one present, and then we go to sleep. The next morning she opens her gifts, and when my Mother gets here, we have a cookie decorating contest. And that's about it. When she gets a little older I want to take her caroling, but right now she's usually too tired for it."

"That sounds like a lot of fun." She looked over toward the girls, watching the family interact. "Maybe we could figure out a way to combine the traditions, make Christmas our own." She suggested, moving closer to him as she spoke.

"I think we'd be open to that possibility."

She grinned as her arms wrapped around his neck. "You know, I could talk to my Dad, but there should be more than enough room at his cabin for you, Martha, and Alexis to join us."

When he pictured the cabin, he always imagined it small, with one or maybe two bedrooms. So he was surprised at her statement. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I mean, Dad takes my parents' room, of course, and there's a bed in my old room for Alexis and room in there for Carrie's pack and play. Martha can take my grandparents' room if she wants, and you and I can take the pull out couch in the living room."

"We wouldn't be imposing?"

She shook her head, laughter bubbling up from her chest. "Of course not! I think it's just what we need to breathe new life into our holidays." She unwrapped herself from him, and marched toward the living room without saying another word to him. "Hey Dad, I need to talk to you."

Jim looked up, his blue eyes flickering between her and Rick. "Is everything alright?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I just need to ask you something. But not here, over there." She pointed to Rick's office, and he followed her there, looking worried. She shut the door behind her, leaving everyone else out of the conversation.

Rick took Jim's place, letting Carrie dance on his feet while Martha taught Alexis how to play Under the Sea on the piano. He sang along, his voice an octave lower than where Alexis was plucking out the melody. It didn't faze Carrie, who giggled each time he flubbed a word.

When the door opened, Jim and Kate came out beaming. Rick looked to Kate, who just nodded, and he beamed as well. It was on.

During their shopping trip for donations, they each bought the girls a pair of ice skates. Alexis' were ice blue with little snowflakes on them. Carrie's were special, with two parallel blades so she wouldn't fall as easily, and pink with a little purple 'C' embroidered on the tongue. They also found a helmet for each of them and a plastic walker-like contraption that Carrie could push around the ice and support herself on. Rick still decorated the loft so that they could get into the Christmas Spirit, but saved all the important ornaments for the cabin. Kate assured him that her Dad would leave space out for them.

They had their bags packed on the twenty-third, waiting by the door. Alexis was so excited that she couldn't sleep. She kept coming downstairs for water, which Rick gave her. Each time he sent her back upstairs, reminding her that they had a long car ride tomorrow.

He was almost asleep himself when he heard the knock at his door. "Yeah?" He called out.

As Kate leaned over to turn on a light, Alexis opened the door, peeking her head through the space. "Daddy? How is Santa going to know where I am?"

His heart melted a little bit as he gestured for her to join them up in the bed. She ran forward, her two braids flapping behind her as she flew to them. He picked her up and sat her in the middle of the bed. Kate started stroking her hair. "Santa knows everything sweetheart. He can always find you." When she didn't seem swayed by that, he tried again. "He found you after we moved, didn't he?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, but we were living here for a long time before that. This is such short notice!"

"I have an idea." Rick was surprised at Kate's voice, reinforcing a belief in a being that she stopped believing in when she was three. "What if you write Santa a letter?"

Alexis scrunched her nose at that. "It would take too long!"

Kate shook her head. "No it wouldn't! I had to do it last year."

The girl turned her head to meet Kate's eye. "You did?"

"I did. For Bean's first Christmas, we spent it at my apartment, because my Daddy was still really sick." It had been the easiest way at the time to describe Jim's alcoholism to Alexis, but even watered down Rick could see the pain in Kate's eyes as she discussed it, that time that she missed that she would never get back. "So when I went to the cabin last year, I realized that I forgot to tell Santa where to find us!"

Alexis gasped. "No way!"

Rick chuckled as Kate kept a straight face. "But you see, the police are some of Santa's special helpers. They help him to keep an eye on everyone. And I was trying to become a policeman, so I knew a few. So I wrote a letter really quick and gave it to one of my friends, and they helped me let Santa know where Carrie would be!"

Alexis sat straight up. "So if I give the letter to you, you can get it to Santa really quick?"

Kate laughed. "Yes! I'll make sure it gets passed to the right people, so Santa can find you."

Alexis started to climb out of bed, but Rick caught her before she could get far. She tried to squirm out of his grip. "Daddy! I have to write a letter!"

The sight of her squirming made him laugh. He plopped her back down on the bed between them. "Not tonight! It's late, and you should be sleeping. I'm sure it won't be a problem if you wait until the morning."

Alexis sighed, looking to Kate for support. Kate nodded. "Dad's right. You can write it tomorrow, he'll get it. I promise." She kissed the girl on the forehead and turned out the light. Rick pulled the covers down so she could climb under them, and Alexis curled into his chest.

He kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her, cradling her close like she used to. He tried to ignore how big she was getting, realizing that soon she wouldn't be able to do this anymore. "Goodnight, Pumpkin. Merry Christmas."

She sighed as she drifted off. "Merry Christmas."

In the dark, he could just make out Kate's face. He moved one of his arms to tap her, just to get her attention. "Thank you." He whispered, making sure not to wake his daughter.

"Anytime." She answered back. He closed his eyes, lulled to sleep by the soft sound of Alexis snoring. They had a long day tomorrow, they needed their rest.

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

_Dear Santa,_

_Mama told me that if I sent you this letter that you can find me.  I hope she's right.  I just wanted to tell you that I will be at the cabin this year with Carrie and Daddy and Mama Kate and Jim!  I hope you can still find me._

_Love, Alexis Harper Castle._

Alexis stretched and yawned as she sealed her letter, licking the envelope with her dry tongue.  She was tired.  She hadn't been able to sleep all night.  She was too excited.  They had never gone away for Christmas before!  And her Daddy told her they would go ice skating and sing Christmas songs, so she was really looking forward to it.  She rubbed at her eyes as she got up from the table.  She walked to her Daddy’s bedroom, where he and Mama Kate were getting the last of their things together.  She knocked on the door so they knew she was there.  Mama Kate smiled, walking toward her and kneeling down so they were eye to eye.  “Did you finish your letter?”

Alexis nodded, placing it into her Mama’s outstretched hand.  “How does it get to Santa now?”  As tired as she was, she was still nervous that Santa wouldn’t be able to find her.  

“Well,” Mama started, “we have to stop by my work before we leave, and I have to drop it off there.  But then I promise, it will get to Santa before he starts his rounds, and he will know right where you are, okay?”

Alexis met her eyes and grinned, her body humming with excitement.  “Okay.”  She wrapped her arms around Mama Kate’s neck, burying her face in her hair.  “Thank you for helping me!”

Mama Kate laughed, untangling the girl’s arms and pulling away.  “Anytime, sweetheart.”  She stood, going back to the closet and pulling out a red jacket and black knit scarf.  Alexis yawned again, rubbing her eyes as she climbed up on the bed.  Carrie was sitting on the pillows, singing songs to herself and playing with her beanie babies.  Alexis put her head on the pillow next to Carrie and closed her eyes, pretending to snore.  She wanted to climb back under the covers for real.  

"What Lexis doing?"  The laughter as the toddler spoke made Alexis smile as she exaggerated her snores.

Mama Kate's voice was a whisper.  "Is she sleeping?  Shhh, you have to be very quiet so that Alexis can sleep."  She tried to hold back the real yawn as Mama spoke, but she failed, and it escaped anyway.  

"I told you we had a long day ahead of us, Pumpkin."  She heard Daddy's voice come from behind her.  "You soul don't have stayed up so late last night."

She opened her eyes to look at him, and he flashed that look that told her she rolled her eyes.  She didn't, so she ignored it.  "It was a crisis, Dad! Santa wouldn't have been able to find me!"

He chuckled, smiling now instead of looking upset.  "You're going to be so tired tonight, you might be asleep when Santa visits."  

"Santa is still visiting?"  It didn't matter if she wasn't supposed to, she stood up on the bed and jumped up and down a couple times, her body vibrating with excitement despite her exhaustion.  Carrie got up and copied her, making Daddy and Mama Kate laugh while Mama stood near the edge of the bed so Carrie wouldn't fall out.

“Why wouldn’t he visit?  He comes every year, doesn’t he?”

This time, she did roll her eyes.  “He couldn’t find me, remember?  That’s why I wrote the letter!”

As Mama picked up Carrie and placed her on the floor, Daddy just chuckled.  "Yeah, well I bet you'll be fast asleep by the time Santa gets there."

Alexis let out a sigh, hopping out of the bed and following Mama and Carrie to the living room.  "I won't. I'm not even tired."  Her retort fell on deaf ears as her Grams arrived, helping everyone into their jackets and grabbing Carrie from Mama Kate's arms.  Alexis dragged her own suitcase behind her while Dad and Mama took care of all the heavier bags.  Grams' bags were waiting downstairs.  

The next thing Alexis knew, she was wedged between a fussy Carrie, and her loud Grams, who sang along to every Christmas song on the radio.  They stopped at Mama’s station so she could drop off the letter, and then it was nothing but them and the open road.  

Except the road wasn’t all that open.  In fact, it was packed.  The traffic was stop and go, and Alexis had been watching the same kid in the car next to them pick her nose for the last twenty minutes.  And she knew she wasn’t the only bored one when Grams stopped singing, tired of repeating the Christmas tunes.  “How much longer Daddy?”  She whined from the back, rubbing her eyes.  

He shrugged, meeting her eyes in the rear view mirror.  “I don’t know, Pumpkin.  You look tired, why don’t you try and get some sleep?”

Alexis wrinkled her nose at the thought.  “No thanks, I’m not tired.”  She saw her Dad roll his eyes in the mirror, and she almost called him out for it, but she decided that people watching was more fun.  Well, it could be more fun if the girl next to them ever moved.  After a few more minutes, she rested her head against Carrie’s car seat and closed her eyes.  

“I thought you weren’t tired.”  Alexis heard Mama’s laugh in her voice, and could see her smile even with her eyes closed.  

“I’m not.  When I open them the green van next to us will be gone, and I can watch someone else.”  Maybe the next kid would wave back at her.  Just to demonstrate, she opened her eyes and turned her head, seeing the same blonde girl in the car next to them.  She looked at Mama Kate.  “Now I’ll try again.”  She put her head back on Carrie’s car seat, counted to thirty, and looked again.  The car was still there, but it looked like it had inched forward.  “See, it moved!”  She repeated this a few times, counting slower and slower each time her eyes were closed.  

She doesn’t know when it happened, but at one point while her eyes were closed, she fell asleep.  She only knows that because the last thing she remembered was a boy with brown hair in a white car making faces at her, and now they are off the highway and in the woods, and she feels like she needs to stretch.  “How much longer?”  Her voice sounded heavy, like she had been asleep all night, and she was very glad that neither her Dad or Mama Kate brought it up.  

“Just a few more turns, sweetheart.”  Kate was beaming, leaning forward in her seat as they drove.  After a few more minutes, she pointed at one of the houses and turned into the driveway.  When they came to a stop, she honked the horn twice and turned around to look at the passengers in the back.  “We’re here!”  Her wide grin stretched across her face, and Alexis couldn’t help but smile too.  She climbed out of the car after Grams, stretching her arms high above her head.  Kate gently woke the sleeping toddler, whose brown eyes looked around her surroundings, taking everything in.  

Jim came to the door, his grin matching Mama’s, dressed in a grey sweater and corduroy pants.  “Papa!  Papa’s here, Mama!”  Carrie yelled as she saw him, squirming to get down.  When Mama Kate released the toddler from her arms, she raced to her grandfather, her curls bouncing, and attached herself to his legs.  “Hi, Papa!”

Jim lifted the little girl up, kissing her cheek and rubbing his nose against hers.  "Hey, Bean!"  Alexis held back, leaning against her Daddy, his hand resting on her shoulder as she watched the exchange.  That was, until Jim rested Carrie on his hip and turned to Alexis, holding his free arm out to her.  "Do I get a hug from you too?"  

This was why Alexis liked Jim.  In one second, he could take all her worries about him not being her grandpa, and him not loving her like he loves Carrie, and make them feel silly.  She raced up the stairs and wrapped her arms around his waist.  He stroked her hair, and she could feel him chuckling.  “Hey, sweetheart.  How was your ride?”

“Long!”  She sighed out, a chorus of laughter erupting behind her.  

He rubbed her back, pulling away from her embrace.  “Well, now you can relax for a couple days before the long drive back.  Want to see where you’ll be staying?”

Alexis bounced on her toes and nodded.  Her hand slipped into his, and he led her through the door and into the cabin.  

The floor crawled as they made their way down the hallway, and the door squeaked as Jim opened it.  The room was smaller than hers at home, but comfy.  A crib had been set up in the corner, a stuffed elephant peeking through the bars.  The bigger bed, which was where Alexis was sure she'd be sleeping, was against the window.  The quilt was pretty, purple squares and butterfly decals taking flight.  As Alexis touched one of the butterflies, Jim spoke up.  "Katie's grandmother made that quilt for her when she was little.  I was happy to find it when I started going through the closet here."  

"It's pretty."  Alexis sat on the edge and bounced, testing out the mattress.  It was soft and perfect, and she grinned up at Jim.  He was struggling to keep the squirming toddler in his arms.  

He chuckled, grasping her tighter.  "How about this, Bean.  You give me a smooch, and I'll let you down so you can go get your mama, okay?"

"Okay."  Carrie grunted, relenting in her quest to jump from his arms.  She pressed a quick kiss to his lips, and he let her down.  She sprinted from the room, her curly pigtails bouncing as she shouted for her Mom.  “Mommy!  Where diddy go?”  Alexis laughed at the sight and followed Jim and the toddler out of the room.  

When she found her Dad and Mamma Kate, they were arguing.  Not real arguing, they never really argued.  Instead it was fake arguing, the kind they did when they teased each other.  “I’m just saying, you told me you didn’t have a chimney.”  Her Dad’s elbow rested on the mantle, where Jim had hung up stockings with everyone’s names on them.  

Mama Kate was sitting on the couch, laughing as she looked through her suitcase.  “I didn’t lie, we just didn’t have this house until I was, seven, or something.”  Two small pairs of ice skates landed on the floor at her feet with a loud thump.  She looked up at Daddy, her smile growing wider as she watched him.  “Don’t look at me like that, it’s the truth!”  

He shrugged and sat next to her, beckoning Alexis forward.  “Whatever you say.”  His gaze shifted, meeting Alexis’ eyes as she leaned down to pick up her skates.  “What do you say we hit the ice, Pumpkin?”

Mama had lifted Carrie into her lap, and was fitting the pink skates onto the toddler’s foot.  Alexis bounced on her toes, and kicked off her boots.  She sat on the floor in front of Daddy and pulled the skates over her Christmas tree socks.  He helped her lace them up nice and tight, and then lifted her, so they wouldn’t ruin the floors.  Mama carried hers and Daddy’s skates in one hand, and rested Carrie on her opposite hip.  Together, they made their way out the back door and down to the lake.  

Skating was hard.  Any time she pushed off, she wobbled, and almost always felt like she was falling over.  Daddy wasn’t much better than her.  The one time he had held her hands and skated behind her, he fell over and took her with him.  Kate made it look easy.  Sure, she had been skating since she was Alexis’ age, but that didn’t ease her jealousy as she watched Kate glide easily over the lake, Carrie perched up on her shoulders.  “Fasder, Mommy!  Go fast!”  She yelled from her perch, her hands held up over her head.  In the meantime, Alexis had taken that walker thing that they bought for Carrie to use, and had taken it for a spin around the ice.  It was probably too small for her.  She had to hunch over to use it, so she wasn’t sure if it was doing anything at all to help with her balance.  Also, it didn’t glide over the ice like the skates did.  It was harder to push, and she felt like she had to work harder.  But she had already managed to get further than she had been able to without it.  “Now swow.”  Carrie called, and Kate used the sides of her skates to slow herself.  Carrie’s laughter was infectious as Mama did everything she was asked to do.  

Mama Kate tapped the toddler’s legs.  “Do you want to try, Bean?  I’m sure Daddy can help you.”

“He falls more than me!”  Alexis teased as Mama put Carrie down at Daddy’s feet.  He took her hands and let her lead, following her with baby steps on his skates.  

Daddy looked over his shoulder at Alexis and Kate.  “I think I’ve got this covered.”  He flashed them a reassuring smile, until his blades hit each other and he tumbled over.  He crashed next to Carrie, who somehow was able to keep standing.  Her laughter echoed in the empty air, and Alexis couldn’t help but laugh along with her.  Daddy managed to get back up and grab her hands again, but not before waving over in their direction again.  “I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“Daddy, fall down again?”  Carrie had stopped, and was tilting her head back to look up at him.  

“You want me to fall down again?”

“Okay!”  She grinned up at him and stomped one of her feet, falling down herself.  

Daddy helped her back up, skating forward and letting her glide.  “I think Daddy has fallen down enough today.”  

The next thing she knew, Alexis was being propelled forward.  Mama Kate’s hands were at her back, and the trees were becoming a blur.  The cold air bit at her face as she scrambled to find Mama’s hands.  “Go ahead and start pushing off on your skates.  I won’t let you fall.  I promise.”  

Alexis was hesitant, but did as she was told, leaning on Kate for support as she got used to the motions.  She was still wobbling, but she didn’t worry about falling as much.  With Mama’s help, they zoomed around the lake.  It felt wonderful and freeing, the wind making her braids flap behind her.  She laughed the entire time, letting go of Mama Kate’s hands for a brief moment every once in a while to wave at her Dad and Carrie.  “Can we do this again tomorrow?”  She yelled, craning her neck to meet Mama Kate’s eyes.  

Mama grinned.  “Of course, sweetheart.  We can do this whenever you’d like.”  

After a few more trips around the ice, they all went inside.  The girls wrapped themselves in blankets and sat by the fireplace.  Grams made them hot chocolate, and they tried their best to warm up.  The kitchen and living room area smelled amazing, because Kate was cooking the sugar cookies that everyone would be decorating tomorrow.  And Jim had a bunch of kids Christmas books that he was reading to them.  He was almost as good as her Daddy was, making different voices for all the different characters.  

Alexis Jumped when her Daddy leaned down and whispered in her ear.  “Want to go spread some reindeer food outside?”  

“What are we waiting for?  Let’s go!”  She pulled on her boots, and tugged her jacket on without bothering to button it up all the way.  

Mama was zipping up Carrie’s jacket, and rested the girl on her hip, without putting her shoes on.  She shrugged as Alexis quirked her eyebrow up in question.  “I won’t put her down, it’s too dark.  She doesn’t need shoes.”  

Alexis shrugged, accepting the response to her unasked question.  She raced to the back door, calling out to her family behind her.  “Come on!  Let’s get going!”  

They spread the reindeer food from the back door down to the lake, that way the reindeer could get a drink while they waited.  It was dark out by then, and colder than it had been earlier, and Alexis was shivering by the time they made it back inside.  She didn’t really have time to warm up again before the next big surprise.  Because when they arrived back in the house, the big man in the red suit was standing next to the Christmas tree.  “Santa!”  Her squeal may have been in the dog hearing range, but she didn’t care.  She was just so happy because the letter worked, and he had _found_ them.  

He chuckled, kneeling down to her level.  “Ho ho ho, hello Alexis!  Did you have fun skating on the lake today?”

Alexis ran up to him, hugging him tight.  “Yes!  How did you know I was skating?”

“I’m always watching!”  His green eyes sparkled with joy as he studied her.  He turned to Carrie and Mama Kate.  “And what about you, Carolyn?  Did you have fun skating today?”

“Yeah.”  Carrie answered, her voice small as she tucked her head beneath Mama Kate’s chin.  “Daddy fall down all day long.”

“Do you have to tell _everyone_ about that?”  Her Daddy asked, pressing a kiss to the baby’s cheek.  

“Oh, don’t you worry, Ricky, I saw you fall.”  Santa teased.  

Alexis tugged on his sleeve, getting him to turn his attention back to her.  “We just put food out for the reindeer.  Can I go see them?  Please?”  She attempted her sweetest voice.  Maybe he would let her take a ride on one for a little.  She’s always wanted to fly on a reindeer.  

He pulled her in closer to him.  “I’m sorry sweetheart.  The reindeer are very skittish, and they have a long night ahead of them.”  

Her heart fell as he answered, her hopes shattered.  “I promise I’ll be quiet!  I won’t scare them at all!”  

He played with her braid this time.  “I really can’t let you this time.  But I’ll tell you this.  They really appreciate the food.”  He leaned forward to whisper into her ear.  “Especially Blitzen.  He loves food.”  Alexis giggled at that.  Santa grabbed a sack at his feet.  “Now, what in the world do you think I have in here?”

“Presents!”  The exclamation came from Carrie, who was wiggling to get free from her mother’s arms.  She came running toward them, no longer acting shy.  “Please please please please please please please!”  

Everyone laughed, and she only stopped when Santa gave her a small wrapped box.  “Since you have such wonderful manners.”  He told her as she handed it over.  

“Kank you!”  She replied, running back to Mama Kate, who was helping her open it.  

He handed a smaller box to Alexis.  “And for you.”  

She smiled at him.  “Thank you, Santa!”  She unwrapped the smaller package, and jumped around with glee as she realized what it was.  “It’s a Tamagotchi!  Paige has one too, Daddy!”

His eyebrows raised in surprise.  “That’s awesome, sweetheart!”  

Santa stood from his position next to her, and patted her head a few times.  “Well, I have a long night ahead of me.  I should get going.”  

Alexis looked up at him from her spot on the floor.  “Are you sure I can’t see your reindeer?”  She asked one more time, not ready to give up on the idea yet.  

“Not tonight, there’s not enough time.  Maybe, next year, I can try to get here a little earlier, and you can meet them.”  At his words, Alexis felt her hope returning.  “No promises, but we’ll try next year.”  

She nodded her head once.  “Sounds like a plan.”  

“Can you say goodbye to Santa, Carrie Jo?”  Mama murmured into Carrie’s ear.  

Carrie looked up at the man that she was still somewhat unsure about, and gave him a half smile.  She waved as she spoke.  “Bye!  Dwive safe!”

“Thank you Carolyn!”  He waved back at her.  “I’ll see you all soon!”  And with that, he left, off to deliver presents all over the world.  He’d come back when they were fast asleep to give them the rest of their presents.  

After Santa’s departure, Mama plopped Carrie down in her father’s lap and left the room.  Alexis snuggled up next to him, her head resting on his shoulder.  They were sitting in front of the fireplace, where it was nice and warm.  Her Daddy offered up his chair to Grams, and joined the on the floor.  When Mama Kate returned, she had a guitar in her hand.  She sat on the floor next to Daddy, and started plucking a few strings at a time.  Her face was concentrated, and she ignored all other things around her.  “Can you play that?”  Alexis asked, her voice loud in the otherwise quiet room.  

“Yep.  I’m tuning it right now.”  She played a couple of chords, testing the sound, before focusing on some of the strings again.  

“Can you teach me someday?”

Mama laughed, strumming a few more chords, a satisfied grin on her face.  “I would love to teach you some day.”  Mama turned to Grams.  “Martha, you pick first.  What song would you like to sing?”

Grams squinted and stroked her lips as she considered all the songs that she could.  “Do you know _Deck the Halls_?”

Mama grinned and played a few chords, starting the group in song.  Everyone joined in, all six voices bringing a strange energy to the song.  When it was over, Jim picked _We Wish You a Merry Christmas_ , which Kate seamlessly switched into _Jingle Bells_.  That one was Carrie’s favorite, and as they each picked songs, she would interrupt them, shouting “No! Jingle bells!”  Mama somehow managed to switch them all partway through the song, and then switch back to whatever it was they were singing.  Around the time they started _Away in a Mange_ r, Carrie’s eyelids began to droop, and she became limp in Jim’s arms.  Alexis only lasted a few songs more, laying her head down in Daddy’s lap around the time they started _O Come All ye Faithful_.  She went in and out of it, waking sometimes if they became cheerful again but being lulled to sleep by the soothing voices on the slow songs.  She woke up in time to hear some of _Silent Night_ , Mama and Gram’s voices bringing harmony to the melodies that her Daddy and Jim were singing.  And when that song was over, she felt her body shift into her Daddy’s arms.  She buried her head in his neck.  “Time for bed?”  She whispered, her arms wrapping around his neck.  

“Yes it is, sweet pea.  Santa will be back soon.”  He carried her to her bed, peeling back the covers and tucking her and Monkey Bunky in.  He pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “Merry Christmas, Pumpkin.”

“Merry Christmas, Daddy.”  

She thought it would be over when he moved away, but soon she felt more slender arms hugging her, and fingers brushing the hair out of her face.  Mama Kate also brushed a kiss across her forehead.  “Goodnight, Lex.  Sweet dreams.  I love you.”  Mama whispered, brushing her hair away one more time before moving away from the bed.  

“Goodnight, Mom.  I love you too.”

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

All Rick wanted to do was talk about what he overheard Alexis say to Kate.  He wanted to jump around and clap, maybe even declare it a Christmas miracle.  He could tell that Kate was excited too, the way that her shoulders hunched up and her head squished down as the shuffled out of the room, her lips clamped shut despite the corners of her mouth pulling upward.  She could hardly contain it.  

Once out, she cut his celebration short with a soft hand at his shoulder.  "I know you're excited, trust me, I am too.  But please don't draw attention to it."  Her face had returned to it’s neutral state but her elation shone through in her eyes.  “She’s half asleep, she might not even realize what she just said.  And if she goes back to saying ‘Mama Kate’ or even just ‘Mama’ tomorrow, she needs to know that I’m okay with that.”  

They walked to the living room together, his arm snaked around her back.  “Why would she go back?”

Kate’s quiet laughter filled the room as she pulled the couch cushions off the pull out couch.  “You haven’t noticed?”  His silence must have been enough of an answer for her, as she continued to explain.  “She’s been bouncing between ‘Mama’ and ‘Mama Kate’ for weeks now.”  She settled on the right side of the bed.  “I’ve been refusing to get my hopes up each time she drops my name, and trying not to be disappointed each time she goes back.  I’ve kind of realized that she’ll settle on something to call me on her own, and whatever it is I’ll be happy with it.”  

Rick kneeled on the bed, pressing a kiss to her temple.  “You’re amazing.”  She let out a content sigh as he pulled away, standing next to the bed.  “So, I was going to help your Dad bring the presents up from the basement, do you want to make our bed?”

She nodded, straightening the sheets that were already on the mattress.  “Sounds like a plan.  I’ll come help you when I’m done.”

Rick followed the sound of Jim's footsteps down to the basement, where Kate had been hiding presents for weeks.  He stacked as many presents as he could fit in his arms, and followed the older man upstairs.  Martha helped them arrange the gifts in the most appealing way that they could, the boxes spilling out from around the tree.  Kate helped with round two, and helped arrange everything around the tree.  When they were finished, Martha disappeared to her room, and Kate kissed her father goodnight, her arms wrapping around his neck.   

As Rick adjusted one more gift before climbing into bed, he felt Kate’s presence behind him, her hand resting in the small of his back.  “Just wait for a minute.”  She faced the tree, her eyes closed and a smile on her face.  “Enjoy the peace with me for a little bit.”  He snaked his arm around her and copied her, closing his eyes.  The fire was still snapping, and he could feel the warmth of it on the side of his face.  The room smelled of sugar cookies and pine needles.  And even though his eyes were closed, he could still see the light from the Christmas tree.  

He tightened his grip on Kate, pulling her into him and pressing another kiss to her forehead.  “Merry Christmas.”  They climbed into their bed then, Kate settling into his arms, her head on his chest, and they drifted off listening to the sound of the crackling fire.  

Alexis woke them the next morning, jumping on the bed.  She landed on Rick’s chest, her head burrowing down on his shoulder and her hair in his mouth.  “It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas! Get up, get up, get up!”  He heard Kate laughing and felt her shift as she sat up, brushing Alexis’ hair out of his face.  

“Don’t you think we should wait for Bean, Martha, and my Dad?”

“Bean is already awake.”  Alexis answered.  Kate’s eyebrows raised as she looked at the redhead, slightly annoyed.  Alexis raised her hands in defense.  “She was already awake, I swear!  I didn’t do anything to wake her up!”

Kate just grinned and laughed in response, hauling herself out of bed and jogging down the hall.  When she returned, Jim was following behind her, Carrie wiggling in his arms.  An exhausted looking Martha followed behind the group, her red hair wild, her arms stretching above her head.  The exhaustion didn’t last long as the girls opened presents, each squealing with delight as the paper came off their new toys.  They played with things for a little while, until Bean’s little voice asked, “Ice again?”  So they strapped on the skates and went back down to the lake.  Rick was excited to see that Alexis had a bit more confidence after she and Kate had spent time zooming around the lake the day before.  The one who really cracked him up though, was Carrie.  That girl was fearless on the ice.  She loved to try and go faster, she even tried to jump.  Whenever she fell, she didn’t cry, and instead picked herself up and made herself continue.  When Rick tried to help her, she waved her hand in the air and shook her head.  “No no no! Bean do!  Don’t touch me!”  Rick had backed away, his hands up by his eyes.  

The cookie decorating contest went unjudged, as they were unable to find an impartial judge.  Instead, each person shared whose cookies they liked best and why.  They ate their cookies, drank hot chocolate, and played with their toys until the girls started getting sleepy.  Rick and Kate put them to bed earlier than usual, and started to pack things up for their trip home tomorrow.  Kate and Carrie would go back to their apartment for the night, to sort things and figure out what would go back to Rick’s.  Kate also needed to go through old clothing and figure out what she wanted to donate.  They made their way around the tree, picking up toys and sorting them into piles, Kate’s place or Rick’s place.  

Jim and Martha sipped on cocoa by the fire.  “When are you two going to just give up this charade and move in together?  You’re engaged, for goodness sakes!”  Martha asked, sitting comfortably in the chair, her legs bent underneath her.  

“We’re working on that.  We just both have so much stuff, and Carrie has so much stuff, and it’s a bit overwhelming.”  Kate answered, taking a break and settling on the couch next to her father.  “Plus, I work a ton of hours, and I like to spend my time off with my family, not packing.”

Rick sat next to her, handing her a mug of hot chocolate, and sitting back to enjoy the conversation.  

“You know,” Jim started, “you can always request time off, and take that time to pack.  I get worried about you anyway.”  

Rick watched her spectacular eye roll that she shot at her father.  “Dad, I’m fine.  I pretty much just sit in a surveillance van and listen to the wires.  I can do on-site translations, I help the team know what’s up.  I never see any sort of action, and I haven’t even needed to draw a gun on anyone.  I’m safe, I promise!”

“So you’ve told me.”  His hand had found it’s way to her knee, and Rick wondered if the soothing gesture was meant to calm Kate, or to reassure Jim that she was in fact, okay.  “Can I be a nagging father here?”  She sighed, but nodded her head, indicating for him to continue.  “Have you worked on a will yet?”

She threw her head back, her eyes closed.  “I said I’m safe, and you start talking about a will?  Come one, Dad, where is this coming from?”

“You might be safe but what if, Katie?  What if something bad happens to you?  Don’t you want to make sure Carrie is taken care of?”

“I have life insurance.  She’ll be taken care of.”

Jim raised his eyebrows and waited for Kate to look him in the eye again.  “Yes, but do you want her to have it all when she turns eighteen?  Do you want stipulations, like she has to use it for college, or can she just have it all?  You were forced to learn to be responsible with your money, how do you think it would have gone if you didn’t have to be though?”  That got her looking at him, her face serious as she listened.  “Would you have looked for a job, or used it for school, or would you have used it frivolously because of the lack of guidance on my part?  You can say in your will how you want her to use that money, set her up for life.”  

Kate nodded, playing with the handle of her cup.  “Okay, I get it.”

Jim continued.  “And lets say something happens to you before you get married, before this whole adoption thing happens.  What happens to Carrie in the meantime?  You can decide all of that and put it in your will.”  

“I can?”

“Richard was supposed to go to my oldest friend Irene who lived in the city.  My parents wouldn’t have taken him, and she was the most stable option I could think of.”  Martha spoke up, leaning forward in her chair to address the couple.  

“Ew, Mother!  She had like, seven cats or something!”  The room laughed as he wrinkled his nose in disgust.  

Kate moved her hands in front of her, stopping the discussion.  “Okay, I understand now.  I’ll work on that when we get home.  It’s my new year’s resolution.”

Jim tapped her knee, a grin on his face.  “Good.  I’ll stop nagging for a little bit now.”  He pulled himself off of the couch, setting his cup down on the end table.  “I think I’m going to hit the hay.  I had forgotten how tiring Christmas with little ones could be.”  

“Goodnight, Dad.”

“Goodnight, Jim.  Merry Christmas.”  The room chorused.  

They spent some time out in the living room, chatting with Martha, until she retired for the night, citing their long trip tomorrow.  Rick and Kate finished cleaning and packing what they could before sinking into bed themselves, exhausted from their busy holiday.  

Once back in the city, life returned to normal.  Kate went back to working crazy hours, even volunteered to be on hand during New Year’s Eve.  Rick was somewhat disappointed he couldn’t spend it with her, and had to remind himself that he got to spend an entire three days with her for Christmas.  The New Year wasn’t really that big of a deal.  

After New Year’s, Kate’s case picked up.  She woke early each morning and went into work, and sometimes wouldn’t return until after the girls were in bed.  She always looked run down when she finally returned home, bags under her eyes, her muscles stiff.  And on her few days off (it seemed like she was lucky to get one day off a week) all she wanted to do was sleep.  So the next day, as she woke, he grabbed her and pulled her close.  “This case is running you down.  Call out sick and relax one more day.”  

She chuckled, turning her head to press a kiss to his lips.  “That sounds wonderful.”

He sighed, releasing her.  “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

She turned to face him, meeting his eye.  “I’m close to a breakthrough, I can feel it.”  She assured him.  “I’m not the only one this is exhausting.”  She continued, as she rolled away from him.  He watched her get ready, pulling on a blouse and grey pants.  Her hair she pulled back into a high ponytail.  “Hopefully soon this will all be behind us, and work will return to normal.”  

He didn’t like the way that she said it.  She sounded almost disappointed, and somber.  Her shoulders drooped as she watched herself in the mirror.  He almost said something.  Almost.  But he had learned that pushing her for information that she didn’t want to give never turned out well.  So he just nodded and flashed her a brilliant smile.  “I’m looking forward to the moment that you break this case, babe.”  

She turned to him then, mirroring his smile.  She climbed over her side of the bed and pressed another kiss to his lips.  “Thank you for that.  I needed that vote of confidence!”  She made her way to the door, grabbing a long leather jacket out of their closet.  “I’ll see you tonight.  Love you.”  

“Love you too.”  He waited until he heard the front door close before he rested his head again, drifting back to sleep.  

After they walked Alexis to school, Rick and Carrie had a fun filled day.  They put on a concert, Rick somehow managing to play a toy trumpet, maracas, and a tambourine all at once.  They watched the Little Mermaid.  Twice.  And they played catch around the loft, Carrie squealing with delight each time Rick caught her and held her upside down.  

Right after lunch, she started yawning and rubbing at her eyes.  Rick kneeled down next to her, brushing her curls out of her face.  “Hey, Bean!  Why don’t you go pick out a book for us to read?  We can have some quiet time.”  

“Bean not tired.”  She told him, her brown eyes meeting his.  

Rick nodded enthusiastically.  “I know!  No nap, just quiet time, okay?”

She studied him, deciding if she believed him or not, before sliding off the couch and walking over to where her books were located on the bookcase downstairs.  “Read bean book, Daddy?”  

He grinned, crawling over to her.  “Okay, we can read your bean book.”  He scanned the shelves, looking for it.  

“Where it go?”  She asked, pulling a few books down as she searched.  

He racked his brain.  It was always here.  “I’m looking, sweetheart.”  

Bean threw her arms down in defeat.  “It’s wost.”  

“It’s not lost.”  But where was the last place he saw it?  It was always here.  They read it before bed, before naps, and any other time the mood struck them.  The last time he remembered seeing it, Jim was reading it to her.  At the cabin.  No, that wasn’t right, his Mother read it to her in the car on the way back.  So if it wasn’t here then… “It’s not lost!  It’s at Mommy’s house!”  

He head shot up, and a grin stretched across her face.  “Go Mommy’s house, get bean book!”

“Later, after we get Alexis.”  He assured her.  

“Get Lexis now!”  

Rick chuckled, shaking his head.  “Not now, she’s not done with school yet!”  

Carrie stood up, and grabbed on to his shoulder, fake grunting as she pulled to get him to stand.  Her hand slipped into his.  “Come on, Daddy!  Go get Lexis!”

He had to laugh as she pulled him toward the door, the determined look on her face reminding him so much of her mother.  “Carrie!  We can’t yet!”  He kneeled down again to talk with her.  “Do you want to watch Aurora once with me, and then we can go get Alexis?”  

She narrowed her eyes, weighing her options.  “Okay.”  She answered slowly, as if she was worried it was still a trick.  Rick settled with her in his lap, the movie playing at a low volume while she fought sleep.  

The timing was perfect, because by the time the movie was over, it was time to go get Alexis.  He bundled Carrie up and put her in the stroller, and they went on their merry way.  

Alexis attacked him when she saw them, a flying leap into his arms as her own limbs wrapped around his neck.  “How was school, Pumpkin?”  

“Great!”  She pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket, waving it in his face.  “I aced my spelling test!”  

“Again?”  He feigned shock, pointing to the green smiley face sticker in the corner.  “Maybe you should be the author in the family!”

She rolled her eyes at him, a trait she was learning from Kate.  “I don’t want to be a writer!”  

They walked down the sidewalk, making their way to Kate’s apartment to grab the bean book while she was at work.  He felt the key she had given him months ago in his pocket.  Still unused, but added to his keychain just in case.  “What do you want to be?”  

Alexis shrugged, falling into step next to him.  “I don’t know.  Maybe a doctor.  Or a vet!  Or I could be a pilot, or an astronaut!”  

“Space cowgirl?”  

“Dad!”  She laughed, bumping into him as they walked.  

At Kate’s apartment building, the doorman marveled at how big the girls were getting before allowing them upstairs, giving them each a lollipop as they passed the desk.  Once in front of her door, he slid the key in for the first time, allowing Alexis to turn the handle and enter first.  

Rick almost hit Alexis with Carrie’s stroller.  She had stopped just inside the door.  “Pumpkin, you have to move!”  

“Alexis!  Shoot, don’t look!”  Came the familiar voice.  Kate was kneeling in front of her coffee table, papers strewn everywhere.  She was covering photos with blank pieces, and official looking reports.  “I’m sorry, sweetheart.  Just please don’t look at the pictures, okay?”  

Rick scratched his head, trying to make sense of it all.  She said she was working, so why was she here?  And why were there pictures of… is that a dead body?  He turned Alexis by her shoulders so she was facing him, and not the mess on the table.  “I’m sorry to barge in, but Carrie wanted her bean book, and I’m pretty sure it got brought here by mistake.  I thought you were working a case.”  

“I am.”  

“At the station?”  

Her eyes scrunched closed and guilt washed across her features.  “Not today.  Today I’m working on this case.”

He glanced around at the few pictures he could still see.  “But, you work vice, and you are helping translate.  This looks like a homicide.  What case are you working, Kate?”  

Her eyes opened, and she flicked them to him for a split second before looking away again.  “My mother’s.”

 


	26. Chapter 26

"My Mother's." She choked out, not wanting to admit it, and angry at herself for ever letting it get this far.

"So this morning, when you said you were close to a breakthrough..." She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. She could hear it in his voice, anger and uncertainty. She didn't blame him for it either. She knew what she was doing every time she opened that case file, every time she took a day to work on it instead of actual case work.

She heaved her shoulders up and down. "I always think I am. Then something else happens, some new report shows up, and I'm not. But yes, I was talking about this." The truth fell slipped from her lips with ease, not that it did any good now, and all of a sudden her reasons for lying seemed ridiculous.

He took one more look at the papers strewn about, shook his head, and pushed Carrie's cart forward. "I need to take Alexis home. You should play with your daughter or something. She misses you."

His voice was so cold, colder than she had ever heard it. But the truth behind the tone is what brought hot tears to her eyes, what helped her clearly see the consequences of her actions. "Rick, wait!" She called out as he turned to leave.

"I'll call you in a day or two. I can't do this right now." Fight. He couldn't fight with her right now, not in front of the kids. They never fought in front of the kids. She heard the door slam as he left, leaving her and Carrie alone in her apartment, her mother's stupid case file spread out on the table. She didn't want to look now, even though she could feel it pulling her. No, now that she had let it practically ruin everything she had worked for, she didn't want to look at it.

She went over to the stroller, where Carrie was still watching the door, and unhooked the toddler so she could get down and do her thing. "Where Daddy go?"

Kate's heart fell at the young girl's words. She realized what she had been so worried about had come true, that she had done something wrong, and now Carrie and Rick's relationship could fall apart. Would she even be allowed back into Alexis' life? "Daddy went back to his house, baby. You and I are going to stay here."

Carrie studied her mother's face. "Mommy, what's wrong?"

Kate sighed at her question, wishing that her daughter wasn't quite so perceptive. "Nothing. Mommy is just a dummy." It seemed like the simplest way to explain it.

The toddler let out a forced laugh as a toothy grin stretched across her face. "Mommy a dummy girl!"

Despite the guilt in Kate's gut, she had to smile at her daughter's antics. 'Dummy' had become her new favorite word, one she used to describe just about anything. Ever since the day Alexis had used it to describe the boy who had been picking on her, Carrie had used it just because she could, not fully grasping its meaning. Kate nodded her head, and ran her fingers through her daughter's curls. "That's right. I'm a dummy girl." She pressed a kiss to Carrie's head. "Just don't get used to calling me that, it's not very nice." Unless it's warranted, like today. Then Carrie could call her a dummy all she wanted to.

"Mommy, read bean book?"

That is what Rick had said, that he thought they left her book here. "Let's find it and then we can read it."

She found it in Carrie's room, propped up on the changing table so she wouldn't forget to take it with her when they went back to Rick's. "I found it, sweetheart. Come here." Kate settled in the rocking chair in Carrie's room.

Carrie came running in at the sound of her mother's voice. Kate went to lift her off the ground and into her lap, but the girl pushed her hands away. "No mommy. I do it all by self." Kate chuckled, holding her hands above her head like a suspect and letting her clumsy yet independent daughter climb up into her lap all by herself. When she had succeeded, Carrie held her hands up in triumph, a brilliant grin stretched across her face. "I did it all by self!"

"You did! Good job!" Kate hugged the toddler and pressed a kiss to her cheek. She held the book out in front of them and began to read.

The thought had occurred to her that this particular book would be difficult to read under the circumstances. It was a book about love, not just to Carrie but to her as well, and now she was afraid she would never get it back. Kate did okay with the book, and was able to hide her feelings, until she got to the part about her.

_But my Mommy, oh my Mommy, she's the best of the best,_

_With her in my life, I'm truly blessed._

_Mommy is beautiful, smart, patient, and gentle,_

_Kind, silly, tough, and sentimental._

_If I know one thing, of this I am sure,_

_I can't wait to grow up, and be just like her._

Once those words had helped her to see her worth, now they just taunted her on the page. They showed her everything she used to be and revealed how much she had fallen. Kate inhaled sharply, keeping the tears at bay, and finished the book, closing it and setting it down on the table next to her. Carrie looked up at her, her brown eyes studying Kate's face. "Read again Mama?"

"I think I want to read something else. Can you go pick out a different book?" Kate didn't know whether to be upset or relieved when Carrie did as requested without fighting. And Kate wondered if maybe her perceptive toddler could also see how much she had fallen.

Kate didn't hear from Rick all day, not even after Carrie was asleep. He deserved some space to figure out his thoughts, and right now she needed it too. But the need to reach out to someone was overwhelming, and she found herself reaching for her phone.

The number hadn't changed since she was a kid, and she let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding when her Dad answered, sounding like he was still half asleep.

"Dad! I'm sorry, it's late…"

"Is everything alright?"

"No," she choked out, "no, I screwed up, Dad."

His end was silent for a few seconds, and he didn't say anything. Then she heard rustling and the creaking of his bed. "I'll be right there."

Her mother's case file still spread out on her coffee table caught her eye. He didn't need to see that. "No, don't come now, I'm okay for now." She heard his movements stop. "I don't know, I just needed some reassurance maybe, and wanted to know if Carrie and I could meet you for lunch tomorrow."

"Yes. Of course." He paused. "Are you sure you're alright for now?"

"Yeah, for now." She sat down on the couch as she talked to him.

"Okay. Then I'll see you both tomorrow at one. Is Remy's okay?" She heard the creaking of his bed as he climbed back in, and her heartbeat slowed down as she realized he wouldn't be coming tonight.

"Yeah, Dad, Remy's is fine."

"Great. I'm sure that whatever happened, it will all work out."

"Thanks, Dad." She hoped he was right.

"Of course. I love you, Katie."

"Love you too." The line went dead as he hung up, and she placed the phone on one of the end tables, her head back and her eyes closed. She wanted her brain to stop showing her forms and pictures of the case in front of her. Even with her eyes closed, or in another room she couldn't escape it. The file was always with her, begging her to come back to it. She stood up and paced around the table, looking down at all the papers and pictures. Part of her wanted to walk away. She had learned today how much this had messed things up. She felt the anger burning in the pit of her stomach as she moved closer to the table. She had to stop herself. She switched directions and tried not to look. Poring over each line wouldn't do her any good anymore, it wouldn't bring her happiness back. She had already ruined it. But would avoiding the case do her any good, or had she already lost everything? Was she damned no matter which way she chose?

As she sat down again in front of the files, she felt her guilt resting heavily in her gut. But if she was damned either way, she might as well be productive.

* * *

She was frazzled when she got to Remy's the next day. She had been up all night looking at case details and had slept on the couch. As a result, she woke up too late to shower and with a headache that even a cup of coffee couldn't make go away. She had cleaned up the case files, woken up Carrie, and cooked breakfast. Next came the struggle to just get the toddler ready. She didn't have the time to get ready herself. Hence why she was dressed in NYPD sweatpants and a long sleeved black shirt, her hair pulled into a messy bun and minimal makeup.

As she sat across from her father and put Carrie in the high chair, he looked her up and down. "You look exhausted."

She chuckled. "Thanks, Dad. You really know how to make a girl feel better." She ordered a double bacon cheeseburger and a peanut butter and banana shake for herself, and some macaroni and a strawberry shake for Carrie. Once the waiter had disappeared, Kate rested her head in her arms on the table.

"So, what happened?" Her Dad's voice was laced with concern.

She didn't lift her head to answer. "I think Mom's case might have just cost me my relationship."

"I think you need to explain."

Kate sighed, lifting her head to meet her father's eyes. "I'm stupid. I pulled the case file out a little before Christmas just to see what they had. And ever since we returned from the cabin, I've been working on it."

"That's why you wanted to be a police officer, I get that."

Kate shook her head. "But that's not it! I let this case consume me. It's the last thing I think about when I go to sleep, and once I wake up it's all I think about. I see the autopsy report in my head as I fall asleep, the crime scene photos fill my dreams, and all day I theorize. But that's not the worst of it." Her father stayed silent, a raise of his eyebrow an indication for her to continue. "I let it take over work. I stopped paying attention to what I was supposed to be listening to, and instead worked on the case. Until I realized that could get someone killed. So instead I brought it to my apartment and I worked on it there. On my lunch breaks, after my shift was over, and even on my days off. I would tell Rick I had work, and I would go off to my own apartment and work on this case."

His eyes widened as he realized what happened. "Oh, Katie."

"I tried not to!" She shouted, her voice echoing in the mostly empty restaurant. "But when I don't work it the nightmares get worse. And I theorize more, and I have this overwhelming urge to go back and look at the file, to check out my hunch. And then I just get to thinking that if I continue to ignore that hunch, Mom's killer will continue to go free, and he might kill more people. And I feel like I owe it to Mom and the general public to catch this guy. Plus, what if he is caught one day and it turns out I've had the clues all along that could have brought him to justice way earlier? What does that say about me? And all these thoughts, they just keep racing around and around, and my head starts to hurt because it feels like they're shouting at me, and all I have to do is read one section of the autopsy report. So I look at that one page, and then another and another and I just don't know how to stop it! Even after Rick discovered me yesterday, I still worked all night on it."

"It sounds like an addiction."

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "It's not an addiction. Why would you say that?"

"Because I know what that feels like." His voice lowered so he wouldn't bring attention to himself. "That overwhelming need to have a drink over my dinner, or to spend time at the bar instead of time with you. I've been there, Katie." She felt her guilt sink lower in the pit of her stomach as she listened to him describe his alcoholism. And she saw the parallels. She spent more time working her mother's case than she did playing with her daughter. Carrie didn't deserve to grow up like that, with an absent mother buried in old paperwork. "It doesn't have to be harmful to be an addiction."

She sighed, resting her arms on the table in front of her. "Okay, so I might have a problem. What do I do about it?"

"Well, did you ever go and see someone about the whole experience?"

"Someone like a therapist?" She asked, crinkling her nose at the thought.

"Someone exactly like a therapist." He replied, taking a bite out of his burger.

Kate dug into her food before answering, putting a few of her fries in front of Carrie. "I mean, I thought about it when I found out I was pregnant. But I had to get my life sorted out first. Then I had to get through school, and then I had to get a job, and now I have to plan a wedding," she paused as she realized she might not get that chance anymore. "Anyway, the point is, I just don't know if I have time."

Jim sighed, shaking his head. "You always were stubborn." Kate let out a nervous chuckle at his observation. Stubborn like her mother, he had told her growing up. "Katie, you need to take care of your health. That includes your mental health. You need help with this." He folded his hands in his lap and sat back in his seat, his eyes fixated on his plate. "And then you need to put this case somewhere you will never be able to look at it."

"I don't want to do that!" Her reaction was sharp, and it managed to even shock her.

He didn't react, just looked up at her and gave her that look that always managed to make her listen to him when she was younger, his eyes intense and his jaw set. "Trust me, I know that feeling. But if you can get to it, you'll keep working it. You need to put it away."

"Don't you want it solved? Don't you want justice?" She felt guilty for asking him that, because of course he did. But he didn't understand the repercussions. "If I put that case away, no one will look at it! It will sit on a shelf and collect dust like it has for the last three years already! Mom deserves better than that!"

"I know that!" His response was loud and angry, and the rest of the room had gone silent. Even Carrie, who had been babbling as she ate, stopped making noise to watch Jim.

Jim took a deep breath to compose himself before meeting Kate's eye again. "I know that your mother deserves better. Yes, I want justice, and I know that you, of all people, could solve the case if you set your mind to it. But at what cost?" He pointed to Carrie, who was looking between the two of them with interest. "What if it takes you years? How much time will you have missed with her? How would that affect your relationship?" She knew where this was going. He didn't want her to end up like him, the distant parent who wasn't there for his daughter when she needed him. "Yes, Johanna deserves better. But so does Carrie."

"Okay, so I'll see a therapist. Do you have any suggestions?"

He shrugged. "I'll talk to mine and see who he recommends."

"What do I do about Rick?" She asked after a few moments.

"Give him some space today, maybe talk to him in person tomorrow. Don't call it off yet and don't think the worst until you both have discussed it."

"He won't talk to me in front of the kids. Alexis has school, but I still have Carrie." She remembered his words, the hurt behind them.  _I can't do this right now._  He wouldn't open up with either of the girls around.

Jim grinned then, his blue eyes shining. "Well, I just happen to have a day off…"

Kate scoffed at him, but grinned at the look he was shooting toward Carrie, one of anticipation. "Seriously, Dad? You'll just use any excuse you can come up with to steal her." She deepened her voice and puffed out her chest. "Don't worry, Katie, I'll take Bean so you can fight with your fiancé."

She always found it funny that he said her eye rolls were just like her mother, because his were spectacular as well, as he demonstrated now. "If you go in expecting a fight, you'll fight. Don't do that to yourself."

"I'll try." She placed her hand over his. "Thanks."

He shot her a reassuring smile. "Anytime."

When she got home, she gathered all the pieces of her mother's case file and locked them in a briefcase that she bought when she wanted to be a lawyer. She then put the key under Carrie's mattress, so that she couldn't get to it while the girl was sleeping. They went about their day as normally as possible. Carrie sang songs, read books, and watched a movie.

After the girl fell asleep, Kate still hadn't heard from Rick. She paced around the table for the second time in twenty-four hours. This time though, the table was clear. She should call him and set up a time, right? He could always refuse, which might just kill her a little inside. So maybe she should just show up. Except that would be ambushing him, and wouldn't help the situation. What if he was screening his calls though, what did she do then?

She stopped pacing the floor and reached for the phone, dialing his number and listening to it ring. Once. Twice. Three times. "Castle residence."

His voice calmed her racing heart, and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Hey, Rick."


	27. Chapter 27

When he had returned home with Alexis, he grilled her at length about what she had seen in the pictures spread out on Kate's coffee table. "It looked like someone was sleeping." She explained over and over. "It was a lady sleeping who had dark hair. Did Mama say it was her Mom? She kind of looks like her Mom."

"She does." It didn't matter how many times she said it, the way she stopped in that doorway, the wide-eyed stare at the scene in front of her, all of it pointed to a little more understanding. He rubbed his hand up and down Alexis' back, though whether he was comforting himself or Alexis was hard to tell. "Why don't you head upstairs and work on your homework. I'll come help in a few."

She bounded up the stairs without a word or care, oblivious to the gravity of the whole situation. He didn't have any time to think it over before his door opened, Martha calling out to whoever would listen. "I'm ready for spring, it's hard for the creative juices to flow when there's snow and slush all around you."

"Bad audition?" He called out to her, collapsing on the couch. He could hear her clattering around in the kitchen, the cabinets opening as she places a wine glass on the counter. "Hey, can you pour me one too?"

A second glass hit the counter. "The worst audition I've ever been to."

He chuckled. "That's saying a lot."

"They asked me if I wanted my headshot back." She sat in the chair adjacent to him, handing him his glass. "I've never been more mortified."

He smiled at her, hoping to offer her some relief. "You'll do better next time. You can't be the perfect person for the part every time."

Her hand tapped him on the knee three times, her smile warm as he reassured her. "Thanks, kiddo." She looked around then, probably just noticing the noise, or the lack of it in this case. "No Carrie today. So where is Kate?"

His words came out sharper than he wanted them to. "I'm not exactly sure. She could be at work, or she could be working a secret case from home."

Martha's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "I don't understand."

And even though he hadn't had time to process it for himself, he spilled the entire story to his mother. He felt like he was talking faster and faster, and was annoyed that when he was done, he hadn't made any more sense of it. Martha studied his face while he spoke, careful not to interrupt or interject her thoughts, something that she only managed to do when she knew the situation was serious.

When he felt like he was finished, they sat in silence for a moment while Martha let it all sink in. She took a sip of her wine before speaking. "Did Alexis understand what she saw?"

He shrugged "I don't know. She tells me no, but the way she was frozen in that door tells me otherwise. She might not be able to articulate it."

"What did she tell you she saw?"

"Someone sleeping." He shook his head, leaning back against the couch. "I don't think I believe her though."

Martha crossed her legs, getting more comfortable. "Or she could have been trying to make sense of it. She's a smart girl, Richard. A woman asleep in an alley is not something she is old enough to understand." It was a thought that he hadn't considered, and one that quelled his fears. That would explain her hesitance to go in all the way, and her insistence that the lady was just asleep. "The next question is, are you done with Kate?"

"No." His answer was quick, it surprised him even. Given how angry he felt, how betrayed he was, some part of him didn't want this to end. "I mean, I worked hard to get inside those walls that she built up. We started building traditions together, we planned out our lives, and I want to be with her forever. She used me, and I'm livid, and it doesn't make any sense, but I still love her."

Martha nodded her head slowly as he spoke. "Make sure you listen to her. Try to put yourself in her shoes. I mean, what would you do if I was murdered?" She took another sip of wine before continuing. "I'm not saying she did the right thing. I'm not taking her side. I'm just telling you to have an open mind. And to take all the time that you need to figure out what you want to know."

There it was, the unsolicited advice that he both hated and appreciated. He gave her a curt nod, acknowledging that he heard her before finishing off his glass of wine. "We'll see how it goes."

He rose from the couch, making his way upstairs to help Alexis with her homework. Turns out, Alexis was what he needed. She managed to turn his day around for the most part, make it fun and take his mind off the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't until she was asleep that the anger returned.

The next day was boring. Alexis was at school, and there wasn't a two-year-old to entertain. He had time to write. But he had been sitting in front of his computer for twenty minutes, and had only written a paragraph. A paragraph that he hated. He sighed as he deleted it, glancing at the clock. Just a little after noon. He had told Kate he would call her today, but he honestly didn't know where she was. She could be at work for real, her Dad had taken Carrie before. But if Jim took Carrie, she would have to explain. Was she ready to do that?

He was the best at wasting time, and had the coolest toys to make that happen. Plus, no one was home, so he wouldn't be judged for playing with tanks and army men. It was better than that Minesweeper game on his computer anyway.

He got to go to Alexis' violin practice instead of just picking her up afterward. Seeing how she had improved was remarkable. He loved the way she pursed her lips when she was concentrating, her eyes squinted as if to block out distractions. After lessons, they grabbed ice cream at their favorite shop before heading home for her to work on her homework.

He didn't think of Kate the entire time that he was with Alexis. The only time she popped into his head was during bath time, when Alexis howled at the moon. But as another day passed without Kate in it, he could tell that it was a half-hearted howl. As he tucked her in for the night, he noticed the subtle changes. The way she studied him, the blue gaze that floated from him to the doorway with hope, the forlorn look when he was the only one to say goodnight to. That's when he realized he needed to at least call Kate, hear her out.

The phone rang before he could dial her number. He froze in place while it rang in his hand, gathering his thoughts and putting it to his ear at the third ring. "Castle residence."

"Hey, Rick." She sounded timid, like she was afraid he'd slam the receiver down.

"I was just about to call you actually."

"You were?" Her voice picked up, hopeful.

"Yeah. I told you I'd call you in the next few days." He explained, sitting at his desk. "I wanted to call around noon, but I didn't know where you'd be." He meant for it to sound innocent. Instead, it was accusing and harsh, and at her silence he regretted it.

He heard her sigh. "I deserve that. I was having lunch with my Dad, so I wouldn't have been home anyway."

"Oh." So she had told Jim. Another person on her side.

"Yeah." Her voice was soft and timid again. He heard the creak of her couch, and wondered if she was talking to him while looking at the file. "Are you free to talk tomorrow? A little after noon, while Alexis is at school? My Dad already offered to take Carrie. He was pretty eager to take her tonight, but…" her voice had picked up as she talked to him, upbeat like old times, and as if she had just remembered their situation, she stopped. "Well, I need her help tonight."

He wanted to talk now. Waiting until tomorrow would just bring him more anger and confusion. He wanted to tell her just to talk to him now. Except he understood the need to have the conversation in person. So he sighed, glancing on his calendar to make sure he didn't have a meeting or something else important. "Yeah, noon works."

"Okay. I'll see you then."

"Okay." The natural next response, those three words he reserved only for his daughters, his mother, and her, suddenly seemed like the most inappropriate thing to say in the moment, even if he did still love her. "Um. Have a nice night, Kate."

"You too." Her voice broke as she hung up. As he put the phone back on it's base, he wondered if it would have been better if he didn't say anything at all.

* * *

At 11:57 the next day, he heard a knock on his door. He opened it to a small looking Kate, dressed in a navy blue pea coat, a grey scarf wrapped around her neck. "You could have used your key." He told her, as he invited her in, unwrapping her scarf. Looking down, he noticed the black leather briefcase that she was gripping tightly. "Do you want me to take that, so you can take your jacket off?"

She bit her lip as she glanced between it and him, before thrusting it toward him. "Yeah, sure. Could you just put it on the table for now?"

He nodded and complied, wondering what could be in there that was so important. He gave her a moment to herself, to let herself get more comfortable before they dove in. When she sat in the same chair Martha had sat in two days earlier, her hands clasped in her lap, he knew she was ready to start. "So, how long has this been happening?"

"Well, the easy answer is about two and a half months. But I pulled the file for the first time just before Christmas. I got really caught up in it around the time of the anniversary though." She met his eye for the first time that day. "And the next thing I knew I was so caught up in it that I didn't know how to stop."

"Were you thinking about it over Christmas?" He hated to think that her heart wasn't in it as much because she was focused on a case.

To his relief, she shook her head. "No. My only thought about it during the holidays was to make solving it one of my resolutions. I had barely looked at it before we left."

"Why pick it up if you weren't going to look at it?"

"No one else was." The way her voice cracked as she explained almost broke him. "I just wanted to give it the care that no one else wanted to. I wanted to find some clue that would crack it, something that might bring her some justice, and I didn't think about the consequences."

"Or your actions." He shot back, venom in his voice. "You lied to me, Kate." He thought back over the last few months, trying to distinguish between the truth and the lies.  _I'm working a case. I think I'm close to a break._  "Actually, you didn't lie. You skirted around the truth, because you knew that what you were doing was wrong."

"Yes." Her voice shook with that one, but she hadn't looked away from him yet, meeting his gaze whenever he looked in her direction.

"Why?"

She exhaled sharply, biting the inside of her cheek before answering. "It was a stupid and selfish reason."

"I still need to know why."

She was fiddling with her hands in her lap, and he could tell her toes were flexing by the bulge in her boot moving around. "I would never be authorized to work my own mother's murder. If they ever found out I had the file, I could get in trouble, kicked off the force even. You know my friends, you've visited the station a couple of times, and some irrational part of my brain kept telling me that you might let it slip that I had it."

He could feel his anger swirling. "You're right, that is a selfish reason."

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "I'm not the only one you have to apologize to," he started. "First, can you tell me what Carrie's current favorite movie is?"

That's when she looked away, her head bowed in shame. "I can't. I get that, I'm missing time with her."

"It's Sleeping Beauty at the moment, but she's been letting me throw some Peter Pan in every once in a while. And she finally decided to try a piece of my asparagus the other day and liked it, except she called it a green worm. She plays make believe with the dolls, makes up conversations between them and everything." His voice had risen as he chastised her, his brewing outrage finally breaking through his calm facade. "She's growing up and you're missing it! You're slaving away on a case while I stay at home and watch your daughter! I know I told you I'd do it whenever, but I figured you would at least be honest with me about what you were doing."

She was crying now, and part of him wanted to comfort her and another part didn't care. "I know, I'm sorry. I don't know how to make it up to you."

"And Alexis saw!" Her eyes closed as he said that, her face scrunching up as she braced for his words. "She keeps telling me that she saw a woman sleeping, but one day it will click for her and she will realize that it was a dead body she was looking at."

"I would have hidden it if I knew you all were coming."

"Are you serious?" He cut her off. "If you had been honest, we wouldn't have come! I could have called you and asked if the book got left there! You could have come looking for the book with me!"

"Okay, I know, I'm sorry!" She rose her voice now, matching his intensity, making him stop. She took a breath, wiped away her tears, and steadied herself. "I will apologize to Alexis, and I plan on spending the rest of Carrie's life making this up to her. My Dad helped me see that I was treating her no better than he treated me, and as a parent, I should want better for her." She met his eyes again, now red from crying. "And my excuse was pretty weak. To be honest, there is no excuse. My actions harmed so many people in ways that I was too distracted to see."

He could see the remorse in her eyes, and in the softer features on her face. "Okay. So where do you want to go from here?"

She sighed. "Well, I need to do a lot of work on myself, all the work that I never finished when you first met me." He retreated into his seat, away from her. She would put up her walls again, ending this before they had a chance to fix it. His arms crossed across his chest, protecting himself from whatever she was going to say next. "But this time, I might need some help, if you are still willing to help me." He relaxed, but remained speechless. Did she really just ask him for help? On the other hand, she mistook his speechlessness as a denial. "I get it if you don't want to though. I've hurt you, the last thing I need to be doing is asking you for help, so don't…

"Kate," he interrupted, leaning toward her again, "we were going to get married. For better or worse. I was prepared to promise that to you, and I'm still willing to promise that to you." Her eyebrows raised with that, and she leaned toward him, eager to accept the olive branch he was offering. "We need to work on us, and rebuild trust, and I definitely want you to apologize to Alexis, but I don't want our relationship to end." He shrugged, offering up a small smile. "My life has become brighter with you in it. I don't want to end this unless you want to."

She let out a breath, smiling at him. "I was terrified that this was going to be over. I don't know what I would do. I don't know what Carrie would do." She reached out tentatively and grabbed his hand, the first real contact they'd had. He worried that it would feel awkward and out of place in this moment, but instead found it comforting. "She's been asking about you."

"Alexis hasn't asked about you, but she can tell something is up."

"I'm sorry." It came out like a whisper.

"We can fix that. Stay for dinner tonight?"

She nodded, squeezing his hand tighter. "That sounds good." She removed her hand then, fishing in her pocket for something. "I think we should stay in our separate places for now though, just until we're a little more solid."

Rick breathed out in relief. "That sounds good." Because as much as he wanted her to stay, the awkwardness of her first day back was not something he wanted to face today.

"And if you're okay with it, I need you to do one more thing." She removed her hand from her pocket and walked over to the table, beckoning him to follow. She showed him the key, and pushed it into a lock on the briefcase, twisting it with a flick of her wrist. She pulled out the manila folders, the fingers on her left hand brushing the top one up and down. She turned to him and held them out. "It's the case. I want you to take it and hide it."

"Why me?" He asked, accepting the folders.

"I can't give them to my Dad for more reasons than I can begin to explain. If I put them back in the archives, I can get to them. And my plan for last night included stashing the key under a sleeping Carrie's mattress, which only works if she is there and asleep." Her eyes, which had been locked on the files, made their way up to his face. "I can't move on if I keep trying to solve it. Just like my Dad doesn't have alcohol in the house, I can't know where this case file is. I can't get to it. So I need your help."

The files suddenly felt heavy in his hands once he realized what this meant for her. "I can do that for you. Just promise me that you won't get upset with me in a week."

She laughed, depositing the key back in her pocket. "Okay." She looked up at the clock. "I have to go soon. My Dad called right after I called you last night. His therapist recommended someone, and they had an opening today. So I have to go meet Dr. Burke." She rushed toward the door, throwing her jacket back on.

Rick dropped the files on the table and went to help her, holding the jacket open so that she could step into it. "Well, good luck, I guess. Drive safe." They both giggled at that, the way that Carrie always said goodbye to people, whether they were driving or not. "But you'll both come for dinner?"

She nodded, affixing the scarf under her pea coat. "Yes. I'll get Carrie from Dad after my appointment." She gives him a quick hug, a little stiffer than they are used to, but a hug all the same. "I'll talk to Alexis tonight, if you're okay with that?"

"Sure."

"Great." She had opened the door and was about to leave, until she turned around, meeting his eyes once more. "I'm sorry again. And I love you."

"I love you too," He answered, much easier than he thought it would be. She grinned at him then and turned to leave, closing the door behind her.

It seemed too easy. He was expecting defensiveness on her end, fighting for the case that made her want to be a cop. He was not expecting her to take responsibility for everything. Maybe that talk with her Dad had been beneficial. Jim gave good advice though, so it shouldn't be that surprising. And although they had talked and worked things out, they had set themselves back. He picked up the manila folders, taking them into the office with him.

That had been the turning point, when she gave him the file. That showed him that she was trying to change things, and that she was serious about it. He found one of his false books and opened it, prepared to put the files in, but stopped before the folders hit the velvet lining. He pulled out an old address book, flipping through the pages until he found the forgotten number. He dialed it quickly, relieved when he heard the voice on the other end answer. "Hi, this is Richard Castle. I was wondering if you could look at a case for me."


	28. Chapter 28

Kate didn't hesitate to use her key this time, now that she knew she was welcome in the loft. "Daddy home?" Carrie asked as Kate closed the door behind her. Kate inhaled, the smell from the kitchen hitting her nostrils and immediately making her salivate. Taco night. Her stomach rumbled in anticipation. She lowered Bean to the ground, and kicked off her shoes. "I think he is. Go check!" Bean took off, giggling as she raced to the kitchen, and into his waiting arms.

He lifted her, pressing a slew of kisses into her neck, and flipping her upside down to blow a raspberry on her belly. "Daddy, top it! Top it!" He stopped, raising her again so he could see her face. "Top ticklin me, Daddy!"

He grinned, pressing another kiss to her cheek. "Okay, sweetie." He lowered her back to the ground, tapping her diapered bottom is she rushed to her bookcase in the living room. He turned his attention then to Kate, nodding once at her as he went back to cooking. "How did your meeting go?"

She shrugged off the still cold gesture, understanding that they were still getting their footing back and that his reaction was normal. Instead, she sat at the island, watching him move around the kitchen with ease. "Today was just a preliminary meeting. I told him my story, we set goals, and that was about it. But I'm hopeful that it will be a step in the right direction."

"Speaking of a step in the right direction, I have to tell you something." He turned away from dinner and met her on the opposite side of the island. "I have a friend, a forensic pathologist. He agreed to look at the case if you want."

A bunch of things went through her head at once. Any break in the case was welcome in her book. She wanted to solve this more than anything in the world. It had driven her career choices and her actions over the last few months. But if he found something, she might fall back into it, and she might not come back out so easily. Seeing how this had affected the rest of her family, she wasn't so sure that was the best idea. "You already called him?" Her voice sounded panicked, even to her, and she had retreated further into her chair, away from him.

"Yeah, and he agreed, but I didn't send him the file yet." His eyes were soft as he explained. "I realized a little too late that I should probably talk to you first."

Sometimes, she loved his impulsivity. It meant that things were always interesting and fun, and they were rarely bored. Now she wasn't sure what to think. She took a deep breath and weighed her options before responding. "Send him the file."

"Really? You're sure?" His face lit up as he realized she wasn't angry at him, and his eyes searched her face to make sure she was genuine.

"Yes, I'm sure, but just do me a favor."

"Anything."

"Don't tell me what he finds." His eyebrows furrowed with confusion at her request. She wrung her hands in her lap as she tried to reason with herself. "Of course, I want to know, but I don't want to fall into the case again." She sighed, watching her daughter play with the toys in the living room. "I feel like I've made some progress in the last few days, but if he finds something I will lose it all. I will chase down every insignificant lead I can find, and I just can't do that to you all again. So if he finds something, don't tell me."

He nodded once, a ghost of a smile on his face. "I can do that."

"Good," she laughed, leaning towards him once again, "Because you don't have a choice."

Before he could reply, Alexis came thundering down the stairs, her red hair flying behind her. "Carrie's here!" She bounded past Kate and into the living room, wrapping the toddler in a fierce hug.

Kate laughed at the sight, watching the two girls interact. She met Rick's eyes as she stood. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a little girl to apologize to." She strode into the living room, kneeling down next to the girls who were playing in Carrie's toy kitchen. She reached out and stroked the girl's hair, catching her attention.

As Alexis looked at her, Kate noticed a flash of happiness in the girl's blue eyes before she set forced a frown onto her face. "Hello, Kate." The use of her name without an affectionate 'Mama' in front of it broke her heart, and it dawned on her that Alexis understood more than she realized.

"Hey, Lex. Can I talk to you?" Alexis shrugged and moved to the couch, sitting in front of where Kate was leaning, but still refusing to meet her eye. Kate placed her hand on the girl's knee, squeezing it in a comforting gesture. "Hey Pumpkin, can you look at me please? I'd like to see your pretty eyes while we talk."

Alexis moved reluctantly to catch Kate's eye, crossing her arms as she leaned back in the chair. "You weren't here. I missed you and you weren't here."

Kate felt her heart break into a million pieces as the girl's voice cracked. "I know I wasn't here. I wasn't here for a long time, huh?" She reached out to brush a strand of hair out of Alexis' face. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

"Why weren't you here? Why was Daddy so mad at you?"

"Because I did something bad. I lied to him and told him I was working when I wasn't."

"Lying is bad." She answered, her voice accusatory.

Kate nodded, taking a breath before answering. "It is, and that's why you should never do it. Lies hurt the people around you."

"Yeah." She looked away again. "I missed you." Her voice was a whisper.

Kate grabbed the girl's knee tighter. "I missed you too. And I'm so sorry I didn't see you as much. I want to change that if you are okay with that."

The girl nodded, a hint of a smile appearing on her face. "Okay." She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Kate's neck and squeezing tightly. Kate felt her shoulders relax at the embrace, and she hugged the girl back with the same ferocity. When Alexis pulled away, she wore a smile on her face. "Can you make it up by reading me a bedtime story?"

Kate looked up at Rick for help, who was watching the exchange from behind the couch. Kate met the girl's blue eyes once more. "I think Carrie and I are going back to my place tonight." At Alexis' panicked look, Kate grabbed her hand. "Just for a couple of nights, not forever. Can I read to you then?"

Alexis shook her head, pulling her hands out of Kates. "No. Stay tonight. Please?"

Kate's heart fell again at the thought of disappointing the young girl once again. She opened her mouth to calm her down, but was interrupted by Rick's voice from behind the couch. "It's okay, you can stay." She looked up at him, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. They had talked about this earlier.

His hand rested on Alexis' shoulder as he met Kate's eyes. "I know why you're worried, and I get what we were trying to do, but maybe breaking up the family isn't the best decision right now." He grinned then as his eyes flickered between her and Carrie. "Plus, I kind of missed having someone around during the day to keep me busy."

"I can sleep in the guest room if you want." Kate offered, her brain and her heart pulling her in opposite directions. Of course she wanted to sleep in the bed, wrapped in his arms again, but she wanted to give him space to process things if he needed it.

He shrugged. "We'll worry about that when it's time to go to bed." He gestured to the dining room table. "But first, let's eat!"

Alexis hopped up from the couch and ran toward the kitchen. "Yes! Tacos!" Kate laughed, picking up Carrie and bringing her to the kitchen. As they passed around the condiments and laughed about their days, Kate was more thankful than ever for this group that had accepted her for all her flaws and mistakes. And she vowed to herself to never betray their trust again, because she never wanted to lose this.

* * *

 

About two weeks passed without incident, and she thought everything was back to normal. That was until she stepped off the elevator one day, a tray of coffee in her hand, and heard a very familiar squeal echo across the precinct. "Mommy!" Carrie ran toward her and attacked her legs, almost knocking her over. "Mommy got coffee?" She asked, pointing at the tray.

"I did get coffee, sweet girl!" She played with her daughter's curls with her free hand as they walked forward toward her desk. "What are you doing here?"

"Ah-prise, Mama! You ah-prised?"

Kate laughed, setting down the coffee on her desk and lifting the girl. "I am surprised! Thank you!" She leaned in to kiss Rick, who was standing next to the desk and watching the exchange. The kiss was stiffer than she expected, and he looked preoccupied. She nudged him with her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"I wasn't coming to check up on you, I promise. I just know you've had a tough few days and thought you and your co-workers could use a little bit of fun."

She nodded, sitting in her chair with the toddler in her lap. Carrie grabbed a pen and started scribbling on the blank piece of paper on the desk. "I didn't think you were checking up on me, don't worry. I appreciate the thought."

"No, that's not why I'm off. I just wanted to clear that up." His eyes flicked to the welcome desk, where officer Sanderson greeted each person coming into Vice. "It's just, I asked where you were and he told me you weren't here."

Realization dawned and she dropped the smile from her face. "And you thought he meant that I didn't work today." He only nodded, his face grim as he realized just how far his trust in her had fallen. She pushed the tray of drinks closer to him. "I just went on a coffee run. We're beat, we needed the boost. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you arrived."

"Don't be sorry." He told her, pulling a chair over and sitting next to her desk. "I just thought I was past all of that. And honestly, the thought that you were maybe somewhere else again hadn't even crossed my mind until Sanderson told me you weren't here." He shrugged. "And suddenly, I was back in that apartment with you, the case spread out all over the place."

She reached for his hand, holding it on the desk. "Well, you had to trust me at least a little bit, because you stayed here and waited for me."

He nodded. "It was my way of proving it to myself."

She squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry."

"We're getting there."

They were, but she thought they were farther along than they were. "Slowly." She answered, letting go of his hand to wrap her daughter in a hug. "You two should come more often. What do you think, Bean?"

"Okay, Mommy." The girl answered, not looking up from her drawing.

Kate laughed, pulling another blank piece of paper from her desk. "What if you two come on my lunch break with me? Two times a week or so?" She met Rick's blue eyes as she suggested it. "That way, if I get caught up in a busy case like this week, I can still see Carrie."

"Two times a week. Carrie, do you think we can manage that?"

"Okay, Daddy." The girl answered, still not looking up from her drawing.

Rick grinned, throwing his hands up in mock defeat. "Well, the boss has spoken."

"You know you're supposed to be the boss." Kate teased him, her smile betraying the stern tone she was trying to convey.

"What can I say, she takes after her mother."

"Oh, you are so going to pay for that!"

"Don't threaten me, officer." They both laughed now, the awkwardness dissipating between them.

Kate stood, adjusting Carrie on her hip. "What do you say we head up to robbery and visit DiSalvo? She's been asking about you!" She suggested to the toddler, who was reaching for the pen that she had dropped in the desk.

At the mention of DiSalvo, she stopped, her brown eyes widened as she kicked and squealed. "Let's go Mommy! See Salbo!"

"Okay, okay!" She headed toward the elevator, surprised to see Rick still sitting at her desk. She put her hand in the door, stopping it from closing. "You coming?" She called out to him.

He shook his head. "You go ahead. I'll keep myself busy here."

* * *

 

After a few sessions with Dr. Burke, he suggested that Rick join them for one session. She didn't think he would go for it when she brought it up, but he seemed eager to meet the therapist who was helping her realize all the work she still had to do.

"Rick, what were some of your concerns surrounding this whole incident?" He asked at the start of the session, and Kate felt her heart quicken as she anticipated his response. "Well, trust first, both the trust I had for her and the trust she had for me. I mean, I'm working on trusting her again, and I feel like we made a huge amount of progress." He turned to face her then, his baby blues meeting her eyes, and suddenly it was only the two of them working through this. "I mean, did you ever trust me?"

She nodded. "I did. In a way you were the only person I trusted. But this case did things to me. I realized how mishandled it was, and I had this irrational thought that I was the only person who could give it the attention it needed." She sighed, trying to make sense of her thoughts before she continued. "It's just this case, Rick. I don't trust anyone else with this case. The hardest thing I did with it was give it to you for safekeeping." She grabbed his hand. "But I trust you. I trust you more than anything. I trust you with my daughter, I trusted you with my story, and I trust you with my life. I'm so sorry that I ever made it seem otherwise."

"What else?" Prompted Dr. Burke after a few moments of silence, reminding her that they weren't the only people in the room.

"I was worried about Carrie. That one day you'd come back and not realize who she was. And Alexis, who just started calling you 'Mom' not having you in her life anymore. She's already been left by one mother, Kate, and it takes me a long time to trust her with anyone else. I'm trying to protect her feelings here, because I don't know what she would do without you in her life."

"I know, I'm sorry. I won't do that to her again." She felt like she couldn't apologize enough for betraying the girls. "I'm doing whatever I can to make it up to them though. I spend all my free time with them, and I'm trying to be an even better Mom than I was before. I even got the night of Alexis' recital off."

His eyebrows raised with surprise before he broke into a grin. "You did? You didn't tell me you were putting time in for that."

She shrugged, the corners of her mouth pulling upward at his enthusiasm. "I wanted to surprise you. Can you keep it from Alexis?"

He nodded, his grin mischievous. He loved surprising his girl. "Yeah, I can do that!"

"Good! I can't wait to go."

After another lull, Dr. Burke kept the conversation flowing. "Where do you two see this going?"

"I want to get over this hump, put it all behind us." Kate answered, looking at the doctor now. "I want to get back on solid ground again and pick a date. I want to raise our family."

"And you, Rick?"

"I want to gain my trust in you back. The lunches help, and the honest communication helps. I can see how much work you've done, and I promise that it is coming back faster than you think." He squeezed her hand to reassure her. "I want you to move in for real, get rid of your apartment and everything. I'll even look at new ones with you if you want. And I want to marry you, and continue down whatever path the universe has in store for us. I want to work through our rough stuff and celebrate the good."

She rested her head on his shoulder. "I'd like that."

* * *

 

Alexis wanted to go ice skating for her eighth birthday, so they found a place that they could rent out. Kate did everything she could to help organize it, trying to be as involved as possible. She skated around the rink with Alexis like they did at the cabin, and Carrie was just as independent as she was at Christmas. She hated the walker thing that the rink had for her, and instead decided to hold onto the edge as she worked her way around. The party was a hit with all of Alexis' friends, and they begged her to do it again next year.

The girls woke Rick on his birthday by jumping on his bed, Kate carrying in a plate of the birthday pancakes her mother used to make for her. She had to work, but she stayed as long as she could in the morning, not looking forward to leaving the energy and enthusiasm in that apartment.

That night she stopped by her building to get any mail that had been gathering dust in her mailbox. More out of curiosity than anything, she entered the apartment. The table was bare, no hint of the case that had consumed her life about two months ago. It seemed small without anyone in it. Carrie's room looked almost bare. All her favorite toys were at Rick's. The clothes here didn't fit her anymore. The bookcase in the living room was half bare, all of her favorite books also at Rick's place, where she spent most of her time. There hadn't been food in the refrigerator for months, she didn't need roaches in the apartment eating food that she had forgotten about. Even her room felt strange. Her bed was stripped from the last time she washed the sheets, but she hadn't needed to put it back together. Her closet was almost bare, her important knick-knacks cleared off of the dresser, and pictures tucked away somewhere else. The apartment held memories, of course, but not as many as it used to. She realized that the memories followed the people, not the place, and all her important memories were at home, with her family. Maybe it was time to give up this place she didn't need.

* * *

 

Kate stayed out all day long on the day of Alexis' violin recital. The girl thought Kate was at work, which had been a source of contention between her and Rick for weeks. "I don't want work to be an excuse all the time." She had told him. Using work as a lie had been the source of all her problems.

"Yeah, but what other reason is there for you to miss the recital? Nothing you could lie about would be important enough for you to miss it."

"Doctor's appointment?"

He shook his head, his nose wrinkling. "No, and if you are gone all day at a doctor's appointment, she'll just start to worry that you are sick or something."

"Running errands?"

"What errands are that important?" She hated it when he was the logical one. He had wrapped his arms around her from behind, his head resting on her shoulder. "She's used to you working, and you have had some tough cases. As long as you actually show up, it won't upset her."

"I know." She conceded. "I just don't want to fall into my old habits."

He pressed a kiss to her cheek before releasing her. "You won't. I have faith in you."

So all day she had run errands. She filed a change of address form, and went to her apartment to pack the important things that she needed. Old pots went into a box, even though they didn't need more. She packed her mother's signed Richard Castle novels, books she hadn't told Rick that she had. She saved some of the baby stuff in a box, because she didn't know what was going to happen in the future and some of it might come in handy, but put all of Carrie's unwanted toys into a donation bin. She had plenty, they didn't need more.

The knock at her door pulled her out of her trance, and she untangled herself from the floor in front of Carrie's dressers and headed into the living room. Rick opened the door, Carrie on his shoulders. "Hi, Mommy!"

Kate's grin widened as she reached up for her daughter. "Hi, Bean! Did you have fun today?"

"Yep! Watched Aurora and Tinkerbell!"

"You did?" She pecked Rick on the lips, leaning into his embrace. "I'm guessing it's almost time to go?"

He nodded. "Yep. I just dropped her off and told her I had to run and do something really quick. She doesn't suspect a thing."

"Perfect!" Kate ran to the kitchen, picking up a large bouquet of flowers and returning to him at the door. "What do you think, I'll carry the toddler, and you carry the flowers?"

He took the bouquet from her arms. "When did you have time to get these?"

"I ordered them weeks ago. I picked them up on my way back from the post office today." He closed the door behind them as they left the apartment. "I officially live with you now. At least that's where my mail will go."

His hand rested in the small of her back as they made their way down the hallway. "Now we just have to get the rest of your stuff out."

"Working on it." She assured him, leaning into his embrace.

The auditorium was packed when they arrived, but Martha managed to snag them some seats in the middle of the auditorium. Carrie sat patiently in Kate's lap, her head resting on Kate's chest. They had to sit through all the piano solos first, then vocal solos, and finally they made it to violin. Kate found it fascinating to watch how all of these children had studied their hardest to put on an incredible show.

Alexis played a fun song called The Boy Paganini. Her instructor accompanied her on piano, and the whole time she had a smile on her face. It seemed to be over all too quick, but she bowed and waved and made her way offstage and out of the way of the next person.

Kate held the flowers and Rick held the toddler while they waited by the door for the girl to come out. It was as expected when Alexis saw Kate standing there. Her face lit up and she launched herself at the brunette, making Kate lose her footing. "You said you had to work, I didn't think you'd come!" Alexis chittered as she untangled herself from Kate. "Did you like it? Did I do okay? I was shaking a little bit, but I had a lot of fun!"

"You did wonderfully, kiddo." Martha told her, running her hand over the girl's braids.

"Thanks, Grams." She took Martha's hand as they left the school, walking back home.

Alexis skipped ahead of them on the sidewalk, high off of her performance, twirling in her light blue dress and chattering excitedly about anything and everything. Rick nudged into her shoulder as they walked, drawing her attention away from the dancing girl in front of them. "So, what do you think of the fall?"

"I love the fall," she answered, a grin on her face, "it's my favorite time of year. The colors are beautiful, the weather is perfect."

His smile was mischievous, and his eyes had a playful twinkle in them as he listened to her talk. "So, what you're saying is that you would be okay with a wedding in the fall?"

It took a moment for his words to sink in, but once they did she felt like she was walking on air. "I'd be open to that possibility." She answered, making him laugh. "Are you suggesting that we set a date, Mr. Castle?"

"I believe I am, Mrs. Castle-to-be."


	29. Chapter 29

Alexis smoothed out the creases in her deep purple dress, and fought the urge to itch the bobby pins in her perfectly curled hair.  She kept playing with the ringlet that rested on her left shoulder, poking it to see how it bounced.  These looked so much nicer than whenever Mom braided it before she went to sleep.  There were real curls, tight like Carrie’s instead of loose like Kate’s, but she had to do a lot more work to get them.  She liked them a lot, but wasn’t so fond of waking up before the sun to get them.  

“Alexis, don’t pull out your hair, please.”  Sofia called out as she peeked over Kate’s shoulder.  

Alexis crossed her arms and sighed.  “I’m not pulling it out!”  She argued, before lowering her voice.  “I’m just playing with it.”

Sofia rolled her eyes as she returned her focus to Mom’s makeup.  “Well, you keep pulling at your curls.”  

“I’m making them bounce, they still look fine!”  She grouched, slumping down in her seat.  

“Hey, Alexis, can you come here so I can see you, sweetheart?”  Mom’s voice was so much nicer than her cousin’s.  She complied, making her way around Sofia and standing in front of the woman who today would become her step-mother.  Mom smiled at her, poking the ringlet on her right shoulder.  “They’re fun to play with, huh?”  Alexis grinned and nodded so Mom could see it before she had to close her eyes again.   Sofia was drawing on them with a pencil, her bottom lip caught between her teeth while she concentrated.  “I remember the first time my Mom curled my hair like that.  I wanted her to do it for me all the time.”

Sofia stepped back, grabbing a tube of mascara.  “Look up,” she ordered before leaning in again.  

“It was for family pictures,” Mom continued, her hazel eyes looking straight up at the ceiling, “and I was right around your age.  I couldn’t stop playing with them either.”  

Sofia declared herself finished and stepped away from the bride, her shoulders held back with pride as she revealed her work to Mom in the mirror.  

“It looks great, Sof, thank you!”  Mom embraced her cousin, and walked over to the closet where her wedding dress was hanging.  “The only problem, Lex, is that if you keep playing with your curls like that they can start to look really messy.  So, can you do me a favor?”  She laid her dress out on the bed and knelt down to address Alexis, their eyes meeting.  “Do you think you can try to resist playing with them until after we take pictures?  I know it’s a long time to wait, but I think you can handle it.”  

Alexis nodded, grabbing onto the sides of her dress to occupy her hands.  “Okay.”  

Mom squeezed her shoulder, a genuine grin on her face.  “Thank you, sweetheart.”  She stood, walking back to the dress laying out on the bed.  “Why don’t you color pictures with Carrie if you need to do something else with your hands?”  

“Sure!”  She rushed over to the corner where Carrie had been diligently coloring every picture she could in her Peter Pan coloring book.  

“Lexis look! Gween!”  Carrie pushed a picture of Tinkerbell toward her, a huge green scribble all over the picture.  She grinned up at Alexis, her tongue sticking through the gaps in her teeth.   “Gween faiwy!”

“Yeah Carrie, Tinkerbell does have a green dress.  What color is Tinkerbell’s hair?”

“Ummm,” Carrie vocalized, the yellow crayon already grasped in her hand, “wed!”  Her toothy grin widened as she watched Alexis’ reaction to her joke.  

“No!  That’s silly!”  She laughed with the toddler, picking up the blue crayon and coloring in the button behind Tinkerbell.  “What color hair do I have?”

“Yellow.”  Carrie answered with a straight face, scribbling the space around Tink's head with the yellow crayon.

"No!  My hair is red.  Tink's hair is yellow and your hair is brown!"

"No, no, no."  Carrie waved the crayon in Alexis' face, her head shaking to emphasize her point.  "Bean has bwue hair!"

Alexis rolled her eyes, coloring in a leaf with the green crayon.  "You're a crazy girl, Carrie."

"No Lexis, you a crazy girl all day all night long!"  Carrie told her, her face scrunched up in fake anger.  

They colored together, passing the time, passing the crayons between one another without incident.  It was an exercise that kept her occupied,

Alexis’ attention was pulled by someone knocking on the door.  “Is everybody decent?  Mother of the groom requesting entry.”  Sofia opened the door, and Grams entered the room, a flurry of excitement as she looked Mom up and down.  “Oh, Katherine, you look stunning.”  

Mom grinned, looking away from Grams as she was complimented and brushing a stray piece of hair out of her face.  “Thank you, Martha.”  

Once Carrie realized who had joined them in the room, she hopped up and ran at Grams, attaching herself to her legs.  “Hi Grammy!  Lexis color faiwy wif me!”

Grams lifted the young girl, placing a kiss on her cheek.  “Did she now?  Have you two been behaving for Mommy?”  

“Uh huh!”  She wiggled until Grams put her down, and ran over to the bag with toys to keep her busy.  She pulled out a few beanie babies and played make believe with them.  “You’re a dummy.  No you’re a dummy. I’m not a dummy! Oh, okay! Sorry.”  She lifted the different animals as they fought, occupying herself once again.  

Alexis sat in the chair next to Kate, pulling her Junie B. Jones book off the side table and resting it in her lap.  

“Katherine, I was just wondering, do you have your something blue yet?”  Grams sat down on the bed, her purse in her lap as they talked.  

“I do!”  Mom held out her necklace, a simple silver chain with a small heart on it, a blue diamond in the center.  “Dad bought it for me when I was younger, I thought it would be a good idea to wear it today.”  

“Why do you need something blue?”  Alexis asked her from the chair, her book still closed as she listened to the conversation.  

“It’s an old tradition,” Mom explained, turning to face her, “My something old is my dress.  It was my mother’s.”  She held up the dress to show off her white heels.  “My something new is my shoes.  I like new shoes.”  She flashed a silly smile before bowing her head.  “My something borrowed is this tiara.  Sofia wore it to her prom, and I thought it was beautiful.”  It was, with tiny silver leaves and white flowers that made her look like a princess.  “And my something blue is my necklace.”  

Grams fished around in her bag, pulling out a small white box.  “Well, I have something else you could wear if you wanted.”  

Mom gasped as she opened the box, pushing it toward Grams again.  “Martha, I couldn’t…”

“Don’t start, just put them in.”  Grams pushed the box back towards Mom, who pulled out one large sapphire earring, turning her head toward the mirror to look at herself.  “Those earrings have been passed down to me from my mother, who got them from hers, and so on.  They’ve been worn by some of the most incredible women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.  It’s your turn now.”  Mom hugged Grams, whispering thanks, her brilliant smile wider than Alexis had ever seen.  Grams stood, holding Mom by the shoulders and inspecting her face.  “They suit you well, Katherine.”

They made their way down towards the sitting room, where the big French doors opened to the backyard.  Everyone else was outside waiting.  Alexis peeked out the window and saw Daddy standing at the end of the aisle, his friend, the one he called McCheese, standing next to him.  The only person who wasn’t outside was Papa Jim, who was inside with them, holding back tears as he looked Mom over.  “Oh, Katie, you look so beautiful.  Just like your mother, I swear.”

She hugged him tightly, kissing his cheek before pulling away completely.  “Dad, don’t start crying, or else I’m not going to be able to stop.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.  I’ll try to keep it together.”  He knelt down to meet Alexis’ eye, reaching out to cup her cheek.  “You look stunning as well, sweetheart.  I like the curls!”  

Alexis beamed, swinging her hips so that the dress swayed around her knees.  “Thank you!  Sofia did them for me!”  

“She’s good at that, you know.”  He scooped up Carrie, kissing the top of her head.  “And you are just cute as can be, Bean!”  He hugged Mom with his free hand, meeting her eyes and holding back tears again.  “You know, if Johanna could see this little family that you have now, she would be so proud.”  

“Dad.”  Her voice was in that warning tone, the way it sounded whenever Alexis was about to do something wrong.  She swiped at the bottom of her eye.  “Can you tell me that after the ceremony?  Tell me all you want when we drop the kids off tomorrow.  But don’t make me cry!”

He shrugged before letting Carrie down at the insistence of Sofia, who was ready to start and pacing by the door.  “What can I say, it’s the truth.”  

“Alexis, come here!”  Sofia hissed, jerking her hand toward herself.  She guided Alexis by the shoulders until she was standing next to Carrie.  “Is everyone ready?  Girls?  Katie?  Uncle Jim?”  When no one protested, she let out a sigh of relief.  “Great.  Now let’s get you hitched!”  

Alexis opened the doors and she and Carrie walked down the aisle hand in hand, separating at the front.  Carrie got to sit in a chair on Mom’s side, while Alexis got her own chair on Dad’s side.  Sofia followed them, settling on Mom’s side near Carrie.  

Last, Papa Jim led Kate down the aisle, and Dad’s whole face lit up.  He always was happier when Kate was in the room, smiling more, laughing harder, eyes dancing, and this time wasn’t different.  Well, it was in the way that the muscles in his jaw stopped working, his mouth falling open as she made her way toward them.  That was a little different.  

Mom gave the bouquet of purple flowers to Sofia, who held it alongside her own.  She then joined hands with Dad, her shining smile contagious.  “Hi,” She whispered, loud enough so that only the people up there would hear her.  Alexis could see her father’s shoulders shake as he chuckled.  

The official spoke for a bit, of dreams and journeys, excitements and trials, and Alexis started to fade out.  That was until her Daddy began speaking in his strong voice.  “Kate, the night I met you, I knew you were going to change my life.  I could see so much in you, your hardworking attitude, your capacity for love, your compassion.  Mostly, I could see your exhaustion.”  The congregation laughed as Kate did, her head shaking as she remembered back to that night.  “I admired your devotion to your daughter.  And you intrigued me.  You were so afraid to ask for help, afraid to be a burden.  I promise that from this day forward, you won’t have to ask for help with the more difficult things in life, I’ll already be there.  I promise that I will devote myself to your daughter the way you have devoted yourself to mine.  And whatever life sends our way, I will stand behind you one hundred percent, supporting you through until the end of our days.”

He slid a simple gold band on her finger, and she toyed with the one in her hand before speaking.  “Rick, the day I met you, I had no idea how big this would become.  We went from strangers, to me threatening you with bodily harm if you did anything to my baby.”  She grimaced.  “Sorry about that, I was exhausted.”  The crowd laughed again, and the joy returned to Mom’s face as she continued.  “But I knew that night that I could trust you.  I trusted you with my daughter, and you trusted me with yours, and we began a very unlikely friendship.  Which blossomed.  You helped me see that I was worthy of love, and that I deserved it.  You never once judged me for my circumstances.  From this day forward, I promise to continue living in the now instead of the past.  I promise to continue loving your daughter the same way that I love my own.  And I promise to show you how much I love you, and how much I appreciate you, every day, for the rest of our lives.”  She slid the ring on Daddy’s finger, their eyes meeting once more, their hands clasped so tight their knuckles were turning white.  

“By the power invested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife.  You may kiss the bride.”  Mom and Dad met, her hands on his face, for a kiss that had the crowd cheering.  He swung her gently back and forth, both of them lost in their own little worlds.  

When they pulled apart, Mom walked over to Alexis and knelt down so they were eye level.  “Thanks for sharing your Dad with me and Bean.”  

Alexis latched her arms around her new mother’s neck, a grin on her face.  “Anytime!”

They walked back up the aisle as a family, Dad carrying Bean, Alexis holding Mom’s hand, their arms laced together in the middle.  They were almost at the house when Alexis realized what else she had gained that day.  “Wait!  This means that Carrie is my sister!”

Mom chuckled and squeezed her hand, stealing a glance at her littlest girl.  “Yep, she is your sister, alright.”  She led them through the house to the front yard, where they took a bunch of pictures.  Then they rode in a limo to the hall where the party was set up.  A DJ said their names really loud when they entered and everyone cheered as they made their way to the head table.  And Alexis danced with her family all night, until she fell asleep in Papa Jim’s lap.  

 


	30. Chapter 30

_It’s too early._  He thought, burying his head in his pillow to muffle out the noise he was hearing from the monitor next to his bed.  One eye opened to look at the clock.  7:07 am.  He groaned, turning his head to face Kate, trying to figure out if she was awake yet.  He’d offered to take all turns that night so she could rest up and return back to work, but he was hoping it was late enough that Kate would just get up for the day.  Her eyes popped open and she stretched, her hand landing on his back.  “I’ve got this one, babe.  Thanks for letting me rest.”  She rolled over, placing a kiss on his cheek before climbing out of bed, stretching her arms above her head and running her fingers through her hair.  She threw on her robe and padded out of their room, her arms crossed across her chest.  

A few moments later, he heard the door of the nursery open and her crooning voice on the monitor.  “Hey, little man, what are you doing up?”  Their son’s cries quieted at the sound of her lilting voice.  Rick smiled to himself as they interacted, picturing his wife cradling Oliver to her chest, his gummy grin wide as he watched her make faces at him.  

His imagination was interrupted by a tentative knock on the door.  He groaned as he rolled over, one eye open to make out the intruder.  Carrie’s hair reached the center of her back now, tight ringlets that stuck out in funny angles in the morning.  “Daddy, are we still making breakfast?”

He beckoned her forward, his heart melting as the five-year-old grinned widely, taking a running leap to get her small frame up on the tall bed.  He helped her climb up, sitting her on his lap and pressing a kiss to her cheek.  “Of course we are, Bean!  I was just still waking up.”

She bit the inside of her cheek, her brown eyes studying his face as he spoke for signs of deception.  “Good,” she started her grin making an appearance again, “because Alexis already started.”  She wiggled away, giggling as she slid to the ground.  

“You started without me?  Not fair!”  He teased, sitting up and stretching his arms straight out.  

“That’s why I came to get you!”  Her eyes squinted up at the ceiling as she tried to figure out what she wanted to say next.  “That, and because Lex told me that she needed you to be there so she can use the stove.”

“Oh, I see,” he answered as his bare feet hit the carpet, “I’m just a supervisor.”

“What does that mean?”  She asked him, her inquisitive eyebrows raised as he came close to her.  

“It means that you only want me there so I can make sure you don’t get hurt, or to keep an eye on you.”

She rolled her eyes in a spectacular fashion.  It would have made Kate proud if she could have witnessed it.  “We wanted to let you sleep for a little bit!  You wake up a lot now!”

She squealed as he lifted her, flipping her upside down as he walked into the kitchen with her.  “Well then, it was sweet of you to let me sleep in.  Thank you sweetheart!”  He flipped her upright when they reached the island, setting her feet back on the ground.  She padded over to Alexis, climbing on the chair and peering into the bowl.  

“It needs more chocolate chips.”  Carrie told her, reaching for the bag.

Alexis reached it first and pulled it away from the younger girl.  “The recipe said a half a cup, I already put them in!”

“But it’s not enough!  Look!”  Carrie pointed to the batter, waving her father over so he could take a look.  

“Alexis, recipes are guidelines.  You can add more if you want to.”  Her blue eyes looked unsure as she glanced from the piece of paper, to the chips, to the bowl, and back again.  “These are for Mom, right?  Mom loves chocolate chip pancakes, the more the merrier!”

"Fine," she relented, handing the bag to Carrie once again, "but just a handful."

Carrie dumped as many chocolate chips as she could fit into her hand, a few spilling into the floor, and added them to the bowl.  Alexis snatched the bag away before she could try to add more, and handed the younger girl the spoon, allowing her to mix it all in.  Rick got the pan out and pulled the sausage links from the fridge, calculating how many they would need and laying them in the pan.  Carrie’s curly head appeared next to him, her hands on the counter as she stood on her tiptoes, watching him cook.  He rubbed her back, lowering his head to her ear.  “Why don’t you go set the table, Bean?  It would be a huge help!”  

She smiled at his whisper, happy to have something to do, and dragged the stool over to the counter so she could reach the plates.  He heard her counting out loud as she put each plate down on the counter where she could reach it.  

Somehow, with the three of them moving around the kitchen, preparing breakfast like a well-oiled machine, they didn’t hear Kate make her way down the stairs.  “You three working together.  Should I be worried?”  She teased from the bottom step, Oliver nestled in her arms.  

Carrie hopped up from the chair she had been sitting on.  “Tater tot, you’re awake!”  She bounded over to Kate, standing on her tiptoes again to see the face of her baby brother.  He cooed, flashing her a gummy grin as he wiggled in Kate’s arms.  “He smiled at me, Daddy!”  She danced on her toes, her hands clasped in front of her as her glee traveled throughout her body.  

Carrie had a soft spot for the boy, she had even given him his nickname.  Given that all Kate had craved during her pregnancy was tater tots, he had made an offhand comment about the baby turning into one.  Little did he know, Carrie had heard him, and had taken it to heart.  When his mother brought the girls to the hospital to meet their baby brother, she had squealed with delight and pressed a kiss to his nose.  She leaned close to him, whispering, “I’m so happy you’re not a tater tot!”  From that day on, it stuck.  

Rick lowered the heat on the sausages, moving to greet his wife and son.  He took the infant from her hands, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips as he cradled the baby close to him.  “Listen, we are making breakfast for you, but do you mind supervising for a little bit while I snuggle with my little Tater Tot?”  

Kate squeezed his arm before she moved into the kitchen, her hand stroking Alexis’ braid as she pressed a kiss to the older girl’s head.  “What did I do to deserve this?”

“It’s your first day back!”  Carrie shouted, bouncing on the balls of her feet.  

“And your promotion.  These are congratulatory pancakes and good luck pancakes.”  Alexis finished, flipping the one in the pan in front of her.  

Kate moved to the other pan, rolling the sausages so they wouldn’t burn.  “You really didn’t have to.  It’s just work.”

“Nonsense.”  Rick told her from his seat at the table.  “You’re a detective now, the youngest female detective ever if I remember correctly.”

“In the NYPD.  There have been younger female detectives in other precincts.”  She opened the fridge, pulling out the orange juice and carrying it to the table, pouring four glasses.  

Rick shrugged, adjusting Oliver so that he was sitting in his lap, his back against Rick’s chest.  “Still, this is a huge deal!  Right, Tater Tot?”  He bounced his legs up and down, eliciting a coo from the infant in his lap.  He couldn’t see his son’s face, but he could see the baby smiling in his mind’s eye.  “That’s right, you tell Mommy that she should be proud of herself.”  

Kate rolled her eyes, sitting opposite them.  “I am proud.  I’m just trying not to get my hopes up.”  

He met her eyes across the table, flashing her a comforting smile.  “You are going to do great.”  He saw her relax as she watched him, her shoulders sinking in relief as she looked into his eyes.  

Their moment was interrupted by the thump of the platter on the table, filled with pancakes and the sausage that he had started.  Alexis was standing over the table, her arms crossed as she regarded the scene with pride.  “Let’s eat!”  She told them, sitting in her chair and pulling two pancakes onto her plate.  

Everyone else dug in, the girls chattering about what they were most excited to do at school that day, with noise from their brother every once in a while; he couldn’t be left out.  They made a plan for after school, (Alexis to violin, Carrie to figure skating) and touched base on homework concerns and permission slips that needed to be signed.  It was a crazy flurry of energy for that early in the morning, but it was what he was used to.  His Pumpkin, her Bean, their Tater Tot.  And he wouldn’t have it any other way.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to sincerely thank everyone for following and reviewing this story! I didn't think it had any more that four chapters in it, but with the support and ideas of everyone who read it, it stretched to 30! I've never been able to keep up with a multi chapter before, and all the support was amazing! I want to thank everyone for catching my silly mistakes and making me aware so I can try to fix them, and for bearing with me over my crazy busy summer. This part of Little Bean is done for now, but please be on the lookout for a followup (as soon as I finish some of the other projects I've started...) Seriously, the response to this was overwhelming, and the stories of Pumpkin, Bean, and Tater Tot still run through my mind! I am far from done with them!

**Author's Note:**

> I got an awesome prompt on tumblr for this! Kate is a new single mother, a teenager, living in an apartment complex with her newborn. Castle lives on her floor and has heard this newborn crying at all hours, distracting him from his cramming for midterms. One night, he hears the baby crying again. stepping outside in a fit of rage, Castle is about to yell at whoever is the parent until he spots Kate, pacing the hallway with the child in her arms. He helps her get the baby to sleep and becomes a baby whisperer, and they fall for each other. I hope you all enjoy this!


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